Parents who don't see they had a role

[brainstormer]

It's really sad for me to see when parents don't take any responsibility about how their children turned out.

It's even sadder when these parents are very legalistic Christian who you think should know better.

If they could humble themselves, and not be so hard, then maybe their kids would not have them and begin to come around.

 

[Sevensong]

I'm sorry. I agree with you. This used to bother me tremendously when I was young, too. I had a horrible childhood, though there was nothing Christian about it (they were extremely hostile to my Christianity). But yes, I think you're right in principle about parents needing to teach responsibility in part by modeling it. That's not to deny children's own responsibility, but we need to have a reasonable view of the inevitable effects on development, on the growing brain and worldview of kids, even into adulthood. Even as adults, there are stages, and it can take a lot of time to even realize, much less address, what's wrong, and what changes we need to make in our own lives. Then comes the (sometimes) enormous struggle to actually implement those changes, which can require counseling and God only knows what else.

 

[brainstormer]

Thanks. I am maturing as a Christian even though I am 52 and was born again first at 18, even though I did know Jesus
as a child being Catholic. I just have to get a sense that God has blessed me and I'm not to follow others blindly based on how big their words are and how forcefully they say things. A lot of Christians seem stunted in their maturity because they like to spend a lot of their times pointing fingers at other Christians who frankly have it more together than them. I try to spend some time around those Christians, trying to teach them to not be judgmental. But, I guess everyone has "their reward" like Jesus liked to use to point out. What I realize now is that these legalistic Christians made me a little crazy after being around them and I am in no way "more blessed by God" by playing hyperreligious games with them.

 

[1watchman]

Well, "playing hyper-religious ways" is not good, but faith and obedience to God by His immutable Word is very good. If a real Christian puts the Lord Jesus first in one's life, and is devoted and in communion with Him all day, that one will be blessed and find a happy and Godly path as they walk and wait for His coming again. We can rise above the negative ones when we know our Lord and keep His Word. Read your Bible daily, friends!

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

While I hate to place titles on people. My dad was a FAR better christian then my mother was. I won't get into a long story but my mom was abused by her dad (Sexually, physically, mentally) and never got proper help. So growing up she had major rage issues. She screamed alot, swore alot, threw things, hit me. So growing up I would snap and do the same back to her (not something I am proud of). And as for my dad I learned to be wimpy and "what" and "but" everything. Thankfully patience wise I got more of my dad then my mom.

I still live at home and am married. And worked hard to get rid of alot of the traits I picked up from them. But my mother doesn't seem to realize shes the source of how I turned out. Such as as a young adult (early 20s) after many stressful days where I can tell hes angry inside, she will scream about something and I will snap and say swear at her once and maybe hit her having dealt with 3 hours of her yelling in my face. She will then get my dad and say "Do something about this, he disrespected me! HOW DARE HE!". My dad would laugh and say "What do you want me to do, you do it all the time. Where do you think he learned it from?". She will deny I learned it from her. And then compare her issues to her dad who had worse issues and say "I'm not as bad as my dad!" instead of comparing herself to Jesus.

Even today with alot of my issues under control, after a week or so of her being angry about something, I may slip and say one swear word in anger. She doesn't realize I ONLY have ever done that with her. No one else ever pushes like she does. So its VERY hard dealing with her not realizing she had a role in how I turned out. But I try to be patient, pray and also pray her eyes open up to her actions. She has noticed though how I have changed for the better. But she doens't seem to realize she should also try to change. She thinks she normal.

 

[1watchman]

Nothing Is Impossible, so keep praying and live an example of the Lord Jesus before all souls, as you also said, and that may speak volumes to others. Be at peace! It is not always what we say, but what we do that matters. God may use your example, without preaching at your Mom, to convict her of her own need to find peace and blessing in the Savior. Pray for her, and I will also pray for her and you.

 

[Paul808]

Due to parents guidance lacking children becomes bad. It's parents complete duty to make their children gentle and social friendly.