Parents, Is this depression??

[oat02351]

I feel like I can't talk to anyone about these issues so here I can be anonymous. I have a two year old daughter, beautiful right. The husband helps out with pretty much everything so I do get some time to myself. Sounds good right? I'm not complaining but, I just know there is something wrong with me. Sometimes it's as though I can't get far enough away from my daughter. Now it's not so much that I'm loosing patience with her or anything but, I don't feel like a mother. I see other mothers with thier little ones in pigtails and cute little dresses. I feel I just don't have it in me. I dress her in clean clothes and we're out the door, well after a sippy cup of milk and/or some dry cheerios or peanut butter sandwich. Mothers usually seem more connected to thier children than anyone. I kind of feel like I'm in jail and she's the little warden... ok that's warped but, funny. Needless to say there seems to be no end and my only release is fantasy novel I'm writing (not really planning on publishing, don't think it's publishable). My feelings run deep at times and all I can do is tread water and ride it out. I don't feel like I can tell anyone I know about these feelings because noone will understand or worse they'll just turn thier heads and dismiss them. There Is something wrong with me and just what, I wish I knew. The feelings make me wander sometimes why I ever wanted to be mother in the first place. For a mother that makes me want to cry because it sounds so heartless. There are times I find it in me to play with her and have her giggling hystericaly but, I haven't given the kid a bath in who knows how long. Luckily my huband asks, "when did she last have a bath" and I have to say "ya I think she's due for one". Meanwhile I think to myself of the week before when he gave her a bath last. I couldn't admit to him that "ya it's been a week... or so". I'm a bad mother, I shouldn't be a mother:o. {It's not like I can even call on a shrink because my plan wouldn't cover it.} Please tell me your thoughts but, try not to be hard on me because it's hard enough for me to even think about these things. I've been running away for so long (metaphoricly) I don't know myself anymore. I know one thing, I don't like what I'm becoming. So thanks for the time anyone who reads this and thank you for input

 

[plumsink]

You should not ignore this and you should talk to your doctor. It could be postpartum depression, which is a serious matter. I hate to sound melodramatic and I am not trying to make you feel worse than you already do, but failure to properly attach emotionally to your daughter in these early years could have serious life-long implications for her.

It isn't your fault that this happened to you, but it is your responsibility to get help immediately. You don't have to go to a psychiatrist if you can't afford it, a medical doctor should work for starters. He can prescribe antidepressants for you and make sure that your overall health is where it should be and that there are not underlying conditions.

I know you feel bad and I don't want to make you feel worse. But for your daughter's sake you absolutely positively need to seek help.

I will be praying for you and your daughter,

hugs,

Robert

 

[Mayflower1]

postpartum was what I was thinking too. But it does show you are a good mother, because you are concerned about it. I would check with your doctor. We don't think of you wrong, and neither would anyone else. I have never been a mother, but I understand that it is a hard job, and sometimes, these feelings can rise up. God bless you. You are in my prayers! Shara

 

[maycin19]

I also thought of possible postpartum depression. I read about Brooke Shield's PPD and it sounds like what she was saying. She just recently came out with a book. I think I had untreated PPD-it was mostly in the form of extreme fatique. I can just remember taking my daughter to the zoo on her first birthday-the whole family went. I knew it should be such a fun, happy time. But I was just someone watching from the outside. I felt so numb. I think I tried to hide it because of guilt and shame. When depression hits, sometimes satan is just ready and waiting to accuse, whisper guilt and shame. We are vunerable because we are already so tired and confused by our feelings. I saw an interview with Brooke Shields and she wrote this book because she wanted to bring this to light. You are not the only mother that feels this way. She mentioned many mothers feel this way.

I hope and pray that you will be able to reach out and get some support for yourself. I know the Lord wants to work through others to help you. Whatever you decide to do or not do, please come back here to talk and vent here.
Praying for you,

I agree with the previous poster, you are a good mother-you do care. You know that something is not right.

 

[Winter]

Please do talk to someone about this.

(And think about Our Lady and ask her to pray for you as a mother. As you know, Mary is our wonderful inspiration on motherhood.)

 

[Love233]

I always thought post partum was only the first few months after birth....
We're here for you

 

[Criada]

Yes, it does sound like postpartum depression.
You have taken a huge step in telling us how you feel, that is a very hard thing to do Now you need to be brave and talk to someone about it... your doctor would be a good first call. It may not need a psychiatrist, sometimes just meds to sort out the brain chemistry which was knocked out of kilter by pregnancy.
You need to sort it out, for your daughter's sake and for your own. Being a mother is a wonderful experience when you are well enough to enjoy it, and you deserve to feel that.

Praying for you, sweetie.
And remember, if it is postpartum, or any depression, it isn't your fault, and it doesn't make you a bad mother So don't beat yourself up, please.

 

[spazlegs]

Yes, and your OB-GYN is no doubt familiar with this sort of thing.

Don't feel bad about needing a short course of medication. My wife got a book once that showed how the hormones in ladies fluctuated with menses and how it fluctuated even more during and post pregnancy. The wonder to me is that more ladies don't need help.

Your OB can send you to a psychologist or psychiatrist if needed as well.

Do you have a moms support group that you can attend?

 

[maycin19]

Thinking and praying for you!

 

[oat02351]

my daughter is two now though. I don't cry like I did in the beginning. I was on med for a year, don't want to go back on it. It makes me really numb like I feel no joy, fear or anything. One of you mentioned the monthly thing post baby, that makes sense I have it that might be why I'm off too. My cognition gets way off too

 

[Mayflower1]

praying for you sister.

 

[oat02351]

I wish to thank you all for understanding. I don't feel very good today but, I'll probably feel better tomorrow. I really wish I could just run away and hang out on my own for like a week or a month or something but, I have a job and a family. I feel so trapped sometimes and I don't know why. I love them but, I want to be somewere else. I want to be part of something bigger... don't ask me what. I have no idea. I wanted to be a nun at one point but, I think about it now realize it's not quite my cup of tea. It would be something big but, no that was a former faze in my life. Uh ya not to mention I'm married and have a kid now. I haven't seen the inside of a church since we've been married that might be part of it too.... the dpressed thingah well

 

[Criada]

It might help to get involved with a church, if you can. You'd probably find support and understanding there. And it would give you 'something bigger' to focus on as well.

 

[maycin19]

I understand not liking the med's that make you feel numb, I didn't like them either. But my doctor worked with me and found some that didn't make me feel that way....I wasn't clear what you were speaking of with the monthly thing post baby, not sure what you meant. I know I don't know how you feel. But please try to remember that the Lord will never leave you or forsake you. Don't allow the guilt and the shame of it to believe that. Those lies are from satan. Remember, he is called the accuser. I know how it feels to think that are no answers for the awful things we suffer with in this world. I hope you will just stay in touch with us here. I will be thinking of you and praying for you.

 

[oat02351]

I understand not liking the med's that make you feel numb, I didn't like them either. But my doctor worked with me and found some that didn't make me feel that way....I wasn't clear what you were speaking of with the monthly thing post baby, not sure what you meant. I know I don't know how you feel. But please try to remember that the Lord will never leave you or forsake you. Don't allow the guilt and the shame of it to believe that. Those lies are from satan. Remember, he is called the accuser. I know how it feels to think that are no answers for the awful things we suffer with in this world. I hope you will just stay in touch with us here. I will be thinking of you and praying for you.

what I meant about the post baby monthly friend has changed, like I get cramps sometimes now and I my symptoms are more pronounced post baby. thank you for your words, they touched me. hope to meet you in the next life... (not too soon though, lol)

 

[oat02351]

It might help to get involved with a church, if you can. You'd probably find support and understanding there. And it would give you 'something bigger' to focus on as well.

I used to be a Eucharistic minister. you have a point there too