Parents...and stuff

[catch22]

I dont exactly know how to say this, so I'll just spit it out. I have a good relationship with my parents (good, not great). The problem is, although they support my choice to pursue my faith, they never challenge me on it. My mom is a Christian, and she goes to church every week and tries to live a Christian life and all of that, and my dad says he's a Christian and he prays and reads the bible occasionally, but never goes to church. I can't say that I'm as open with them about things in my life as I should be. It fact sometimes I flat out lie about things going on in my life. It seems like at my age now, our relationship basically is what it is and there's not much that can be done do deepen it or change it. I think one of the problems is that they think they have a lot closer relationship with me than they do. I suppose it's my fault for giving them that perception. I always act like everything is fine even when it's far from it. I always put on a cheerful or neutral face even when I'm on the verge of tears. I guess i just don't feel comfortable talking with my parents about whats really going on in my life. I'm far more comfortable talking with my friends. Basically, my question is this, what steps could I take to strengthen my support system? particularly with regards to my own parents.

 

[msjones21]

This is a tricky one. I know because I'm in the exact same position, only it's my mom who doesn't go to church. Both of my parents swear without discretion. My 19 year old sister is allowed to have her boyfriend over on the weekends (he sleeps in her bed). My sister makes crass jokes, says GD, and has sex with her boyfriend. I feel I don't get the support I need to be the best Christian God wants me to be. At some point we all have to grow up and find our own path to righteousness. It's wonderful to have godly parental support; however, at our ages it's a possibility we may be left on our own to figure this stuff out. I don't tell my parents my feelings because I know they're just being themselves. While some of their words and actions offend me, I have no right to judge and condemn them or make them feel like they can't be themselves around me.

I don't have any really good advice other than pray that God will soften their hearts and then keep doing what you've been doing. God bless.

 

[catch22]

I actually can see my family getting much much closer once I'm married. It's weird, but it seems like once I'm out (relatively speaking) of their lives and into someone else's they'll be able to relate to me better. And i have a feeling that when i have kids that the relationship will be strengthened even more....it's strange, but ultimatley true I think.

 

[msjones21]

You never know; however, I would advise not to pin your hopes on having a deeper bond with you parents once you get married. That tends to lead to marrying prematurely simply to mask problems you have in the relationship with your folks.

 

[Arnold_Philips]

I don't especially have a good relationship with my parents either. It's not like we hate each other, but just that all those years distancing myself from them actually worked. I don't know exactly how to get it back, or even, at this point in my life, if I want it back.

 

[Lilly of the Valley]

Try telling them how you feel. You can't get closer to them if they don't even know there is a problem. Also, stay prayerful and seek the Lord.

 

[fishstix]

I think having closer relationships with friends than parents is all just part of growing up. After all, one day one of your friends will likely become your spouse and you'll want to have a closer relationship with her than with your parents.

 

[catch22]

true...but she's across the country and I can't talk to her.....but yes, I totally know what you mean.

 

[Blake]

Try telling them how you feel.

Those words pierce my soul, and probably many others. I think this is the hardest step to take. This would probably put many parents in a state of shock and disbelief.

Is it possible to let the relationship grow subtlely with a constant effort or spending time with each other?

 

[Breetai]

...it seems like once I'm out (relatively speaking) of their lives and into someone else's they'll be able to relate to me better

You know, that's very true. I've been 'on my own' for going on five years now(since summer '99), and, although it's taken a few of those years, I'm becoming great friends with both of my parents. I've considered my dad to be my friend for six or seven years, but only recently I've been opening up to my mum. I decided to not hide anything from her and tell her anything that she wants to know. She's been extremly respectful of that and has told me much more about herself. It's awesome!

 

[Athalia]

I have the same problem, as most of you. I guess starting college at sixteen did that for me. I found myself in an entirely different world and I tried talking to my mom about but she was trying to have "mature" enough in my mind so I could handle it. I'm almost eighteen now and going to move out next year and she is regreting her handling of things, Now she wishes she hadn't pushed me like she knew I did need to be pushed. And she is reverting to treating me like I am ten. I put of moving a year, hoping things could change between us, but I don't think they will until I move out and both of my parents accept that I am growing up and am not their "little girl" anymore.

It's been hard because we fight alot. but I hope that once I'm gone we can be friends again I can talk to my mom with out her flipping out.