Parenting question, advice requested

[kellyb32]

Can anyone give me some advice on how to explain to my 10 year old daughter about the role of women in general?

I just spent the last hour trying to explain why there have been no women presidents and no women priests in the Church. I had to be very careful on how I spoke to her because she actually sounded like a woman's rights activist and was near tears over women never being allowed in the presidency and not being allowed to vote until the early 20th century and being treated unequally.....

Just to sum up our conversation for anyone who reads this, I put gg for my daughter and mom for me:

gg: Why aren't women allowed to be president?

mom: They can try if they want, in the 80's a woman was running alongside a man because he picked her to be the vice president, her name was Geraldine Ferraro.

gg: Why can't a woman run for president?

mom: A woman hasn't tried that I know of.

gg: How come? I mean it's like no one would vote for a woman even if one did run for president, it's like a woman can't do that good of a job compared to a man.

mom: There are plenty of women who were great leaders, but God has a certain order that He set in place and He chose the man to be the leader, the warrior, the hunter, the provider....

gg: Well can't a woman do all that? I mean why does a man have to be the head? Like why do we have to do what Daddy says all the time if you say something different than him? Why can't we do what you say instead, like you be the leader? I don't think it's fair that we have to do what daddy says all the time.

mom who is getting flustered at this point but is still maintaining patience: There are many women who are the head of their household because they have to be, either their husbands can't be the head for some reason like they are sick or away. Sometimes women just don't have a man to be the head of the house. When a married woman tries to take over the job that God said the man is supposed to do, trouble starts because she is not doing her job when she's trying to do his. Besides, daddy and mommy always talk things through and if I disagree with him about something we discuss it and decide together what is best. It's okay if we decide to do things his way more than mine, I don't feel like he's trying to be better than me when that happens and you shouldn't feel like he's putting mommy down when we don't do what I say.

gg near tears: Is it bad to say that I wish God didn't set up the order like that?

mom: No, you can say that. I know how you feel because I felt strongly about things when I was your age too. But you need to understand that you can't change things God set up just because you don't like it. I mean, if you didn't like the daytime light and the nighttime dark, would God change that for you? No, because He set this world up a certain way.

gg: It would be cool if He did do that though!

mom: Yeah then we'd all be pale and look like Gollum (from Lord of the Rings) because we aren't in the sunshine anymore. So see, even though we may not like God's order of something, we have to understand that He knows what is best for us and we have to learn to trust Him.

gg: Why did God only choose men to be priests? I mean a woman can love God just as much and do as good a job.

mom: Jesus only picked 12 men to be his apostles and there were many women who followed Him but they weren't chosen to be leaders.

gg: Maybe there were women! We just don't know about it!

mom: We would know about it. God would've made sure that it was recorded somewhere if there was a woman apostle, priest, bishop or pope. Remember Jesus also did something that men would never have done back in His time. (here I explained how women were looked down upon and a woman who lost her husband wasn't allowed to work, etc. etc.) Jesus talked to women, Jesus made it a point to talk to even the most sinful women. Jesus made sure women knew that they mattered to Him, to God, that they were important to Him and to society. God could have come into this world in anyway that He wanted to, but how did Jesus come to the earth? What did God do in order to become one of us? Who did He choose?

gg: Mary.

mom: What was Mary?

gg: A woman.

mom: God chose a woman in order to come to this earth. No man could have done what Mary did. No man could every experience what Mary did or any woman who has a child inside her body. God used a woman, don't you think that's pretty cool?

gg: Yeah, but I still think women should be allowed to be president.

mom:

After more discussion about how the president's wife is just as important as him, how she is there to help him and support him and love him, it was waaay past her bedtime and she was getting sleepy anyway.

Can anyone give me some pointers on how to lovingly show my daughter that being submissive to your husband or male leadership is not something that is weak but actually empowering for her? How can I help her realize the importance of her role in society as a woman, as a wife and mother one day without making her feel like she's not as important as a man? I already talked to her about how God made woman out of man's rib so she can walk side by side with him, He didn't take her out of Adam's head to make her above him, He didn't take her out of his foot to make her beneath him, He took her from Adam's side.

Any suggestions? Thanks and God bless!

 

[InnerPhyre]

Tell your daughter Hillary in '08 . God help us.

 

[ShannonMcCatholic]

LOL!! She needs to be in my RE class- we've talked about womens' roles and the great dignity which these roles have been given and regarded by God and His Church for the last two weeks!!

The Pope's last Apostolic Letter addresses this specifically- and also there is and Encyclical entitled "On the Dignity and Vocation of Women". You can check them out on the Vatican Website! I'd start there and then go to Adoration and ask the Holy Spirit to fill you with the gift of wisdom to guide you daughter appropriately- and to give you the words that she most needs to hear!

I'll say a little prayer for you all right now!! ( I have two daughters and another on the way-- and my almost 4 year old already knows that she cannot be a priest, but that she can be a nun or a mommy and boys cannot!)

 

[Roald]

Sounds like you've done an awesome job so far. I would like to help, but I am still a kid myself.

 

[kellyb32]

Tell your daughter Hillary in '08 . God help us.

LOL!! I live in NYS so I know a little about Mrs. Clinton

 

[kellyb32]

Sounds like you've done an awesome job so far. I would like to help, but I am still a kid myself.

Hey, there was an 8 year old king in the OT, and Timothy was a youngster too but an important person in NT history.

What would you say about what my daughter thinks?

 

[StPaul]

Hey, there was an 8 year old king in the OT, and Timothy was a youngster too but an important person in NT history.

What would you say about what my daughter thinks?

I would encourage her to want to run for President! We need a good, solid,Catholic President, not one in name only ,.... hehehe

God Bless!

 

[Dream]

Tell your daughter Hillary in '08 . God help us.

This is no joke. It'll be Hillary vs. McCain.

 

[ShannonMcCatholic]

I would try to go spend a weekend with just you and her working with the Missionaries of Charity or the Nashville Dominicans or the Poor Clares of Perpetual Adoration and let her see the profound beauty and radiant joy of women fulfilling their vocation which outwardly looks so unappealing to the world....

 

[kellyb32]

LOL!! She needs to be in my RE class- we've talked about womens' roles and the great dignity which these roles have been given and regarded by God and His Church for the last two weeks!!

The Pope's last Apostolic Letter addresses this specifically- and also there is and Encyclical entitled "On the Dignity and Vocation of Women". You can check them out on the Vatican Website! I'd start there and then go to Adoration and ask the Holy Spirit to fill you with the gift of wisdom to guide you daughter appropriately- and to give you the words that she most needs to hear!

I'll say a little prayer for you all right now!! ( I have two daughters and another on the way-- and my almost 4 year old already knows that she cannot be a priest, but that she can be a nun or a mommy and boys cannot!)

God bless you! I will look that up, thank you. I told her I would get some more information to share with her but we'll do it tomorrow.

I have 2 daughters and a son, 10, 3 (on the 26th this month) and my son is 8 months old.

My husband asked me when our son was born how I would feel if he wanted to be a priest. I told him that I would encourage him to do what he felt God was calling him to do and I would continue to pray for him.

But if that's not what God has planned, I still pray now for my children's spouses and my grandchildren if marriage is what God has planned for my babies.

 

[kellyb32]

I would encourage her to want to run for President! We need a good, solid,Catholic President, not one in name only ,.... hehehe

God Bless!

You know, you would tell me that! hahaha! I do agree with you though

I asked her if she wanted to be responsible for the millions of people in this country and making sure she had to protect us all and take care of the other countries around the world that depended on us and go to war if need be.

She didn't think she wanted the job but still would like another woman to be president.

 

[kellyb32]

This is no joke. It'll be Hillary vs. McCain.

I know you weren't joking.....that's why I want my daughter to understand that just because a woman may be running doesn't mean that it'll be good for all women or the country in general. I told her about the women's rights movement and how those women end up supporting abortion because they say it's a choice, they support ideas that are against God and sometimes outright hate men.

Not good stuff for the moral fiber, at least what's left of it, in this country.

 

[kellyb32]

I would try to go spend a weekend with just you and her working with the Missionaries of Charity or the Nashville Dominicans or the Poor Clares of Perpetual Adoration and let her see the profound beauty and radiant joy of women fulfilling their vocation which outwardly looks so unappealing to the world....

Thanks for that advice. We don't have anymore nuns in our city believe it or not. They are all in the larger city 25 miles away from us. All the convents have been shut down to save costs in parishes. My parish priest runs 2 parishes.

I continue to try encouraging her that women are so important to furthering the work of Christ. One day perhaps we'll be able to take a weekend trip, just her and I to some kind of retreat or mission trip.

 

[ps139]

Kelly - with the question of "why are only men priests," I think it is because to celebrate the Eucharist, a male soul is needed - it needs to be a man. There is a difference in the souls of the 2 genders. Michelina has told me a lot about this I am sure she can explain it better than I. To me its the sort of thing that makes perfect sense although I am not knowledgeable enough yet to explain it.

 

[EllenMoran]

Kelly, you may also want to try to help her understand how much women have done to be involved with governing the country, and how many more there are in positions of leadership than there were in the past. I remember going through that phase when I was younger. Knowing things like how many more female CEOs there are than there used to be, things like that, can help to alleviate some of those feelings of "women are being kept down." Also, if you aren't against the idea of a female president, you probably want to make sure that she knows that -- but also that the most important thing is that the right candidate wins, whether or not that person is a woman.

The other thing (which will probably be longer-term) is to help her understand the importance of following one's vocation. To Shannon's point, the nuns in those roles can touch the lives of more people than a CEO or President. And, as your daughter has said that she wouldn't want to be President, then maybe it would help her to realize that everyone has to make those decisions for themselves, and deciding to be a mom rather than be a senior manager at a company is the right decision for a lot of women. In fact, I recently heard (on a TV news show) that 15% more women now are choosing to stay at home with kids than the previous generation.

 

[kellyb32]

Kelly, you may also want to try to help her understand how much women have done to be involved with governing the country, and how many more there are in positions of leadership than there were in the past. I remember going through that phase when I was younger. Knowing things like how many more female CEOs there are than there used to be, things like that, can help to alleviate some of those feelings of "women are being kept down." Also, if you aren't against the idea of a female president, you probably want to make sure that she knows that -- but also that the most important thing is that the right candidate wins, whether or not that person is a woman.

The other thing (which will probably be longer-term) is to help her understand the importance of following one's vocation. To Shannon's point, the nuns in those roles can touch the lives of more people than a CEO or President. And, as your daughter has said that she wouldn't want to be President, then maybe it would help her to realize that everyone has to make those decisions for themselves, and deciding to be a mom rather than be a senior manager at a company is the right decision for a lot of women. In fact, I recently heard (on a TV news show) that 15% more women now are choosing to stay at home with kids than the previous generation.

Thanks Ellen. My friend sent me that article that you mentioned about the rise in women deciding to stay home. He doesn't understand why his one friend tried for years to have a child and finally got pregnant with twins but put them in daycare at 6 weeks old to return to her job which is 50 hours a week. She and her husband make over $150,000 combined each year he said. Her husband makes more than her and he feels that she should take time with her kids instead of paying someone else to care for them all day long.

I think you are very right in saying that it is so important for my daughter to understand that we should pray for the right presidential candidate to win, whether or not they are a woman. I explained it in a roundabout way that some women who are powerful in this country have views of life that are not lined up with what God says (Hillary Clinton for example and her liberal, pro-choice stance). I told her if a woman ran for president don't just vote for her because she's a woman. I tried to tell her that we have to be careful and really get to know what the candidates stand for and pray that God directs us to make the best choice.

We talked so much last night, it was nice that she opened up an expressed her opinion to me. She can be such an introvert sometimes.........the mood swings have begun a few months ago.....

 

[kellyb32]

Kelly - with the question of "why are only men priests," I think it is because to celebrate the Eucharist, a male soul is needed - it needs to be a man. There is a difference in the souls of the 2 genders. Michelina has told me a lot about this I am sure she can explain it better than I. To me its the sort of thing that makes perfect sense although I am not knowledgeable enough yet to explain it.

I read something about this topic in the Nazareth Resource Library, I think it was there.......... Anyway, I have to look it up again so really prepare and answer that she can understand. She is getting to that age now that things will be a little harder to make her see....I remember when I was her age what I went through. One time I remember how I was so against the whole daylight savings time idea and complained for days after we had to change the clocks. My poor parents, what they dealt with

 

[StPaul]

I read something about this topic in the Nazareth Resource Library, I think it was there.......... Anyway, I have to look it up again so really prepare and answer that she can understand. She is getting to that age now that things will be a little harder to make her see....I remember when I was her age what I went through. One time I remember how I was so against the whole daylight savings time idea and complained for days after we had to change the clocks. My poor parents, what they dealt with

Hehehe!,... I can just imagine:

But mommy,... I don't want the sun to go down sooner!,... This is just a scheme to make me go to bed earlier!!

LOL!,... j/k

I hope your talks go well!

 

[kellyb32]

Hehehe!,... I can just imagine:



LOL!,... j/k

I hope your talks go well!

Are you making fun of me?

Wait........just WAIT until you have kids of your own one day! Remember your parents saying that to you??? Now I know what they meant!

I NEVER appreciated my parents more than I do now....I am just trying to do what I didn't get when I was G's age, and that is open communication with my mom and dad without feeling like I was stupid because my opinion was off the wall....

parenting is the hardest job a person could ever have in my opinion.....

Talk to you soon!

 

[StPaul]

Are you making fun of me?

Wait........just WAIT until you have kids of your own one day! Remember your parents saying that to you??? Now I know what they meant!

I NEVER appreciated my parents more than I do now....I am just trying to do what I didn't get when I was G's age, and that is open communication with my mom and dad without feeling like I was stupid because my opinion was off the wall....

parenting is the hardest job a person could ever have in my opinion.....

Talk to you soon!

Oddly enough,... I already have an idea of how much time, dedication, and patience it takes in raising a child,....

I am having a lot of fun getting my nephew "in trouble",... hehe... That's what uncles are for, right?

God Bless!