parental relationship

[spikenard]

I have a girl friend who is extremely close to her parents. She's 19 years old. I sometimes feel uncomfortable because whenever we go do something her mom calls twenty times and my girlfriend calls her mom twenty times as well. I am not against her being close to her parents but sometimes I feel as if she is too close. Is that possible?
Considering we get married in a year or so, is she going to be able to part from her mother like the Bible says?

 

[hotarugari]

Well, being close to her mother is certainly not a sin. However, you need to find out what's comfortable for you before you make this kind of commitment.

You have to understand that you can not change her, just as she can not change you. If she agrees to try to change it's one thing, but even that is on her time line, not yours.

I think if I were in your shoes I would encourage her to act a little more independently from her parents. There is never anything wrong with getting preantal advice at any age, but you need to be straight with each other about expectations.

If you don't communcicate these things, they will never work themselves out on thier own. And still, you have to use a little tack when bringing things like this up.

 

[YouthPastor]

You have to assume that this is how it is going to be after marriage. Biblically - she does need to "leave" her parents. Talking to her mom is not a sin - but it can be overdone especially after marriage

You need to talk to her about your feelings about this though.

 

[desi]

Can you say "meddlesome mother-inlaw"? The family is a package deal, take it or leave it.

 

[fry]

I agree, don’t plan on things changing after marriage. I personally see a close family relationship as a good thing. I don’t talk to my family everyday but we have a close relationship. I think as you both grow with the Lord, each other, and in yourselves she will become less dependent on her parents and look to you to fill some of the space. Those are my thoughts

 

[Kelly]

Look at the possible positives:

1. Maybe she's a really good cook.
2. Maybe she'll help with daycare and such after you have kids.
3. I'd rather have family around than not, trust me on that one. My parents are moving to Florida, her's are already up north. It's not as homey as it used to be.

 

[YouthPastor]

I know and understand what the last two posters are saying

Let me caustion though that it can be to the extreme adn does not always change after marriage. In fact, marriage can make things worse.

 

[ZiSunka]

I have a girl friend who is extremely close to her parents. She's 19 years old. I sometimes feel uncomfortable because whenever we go do something her mom calls twenty times and my girlfriend calls her mom twenty times as well. I am not against her being close to her parents but sometimes I feel as if she is too close. Is that possible?
Considering we get married in a year or so, is she going to be able to part from her mother like the Bible says?

That's something you ought to consider, but you ought not pound her emotionally about it.

Ask her how hard she thinks it will be to be married, and where she sees her relationship with her mom fitting into your lives after you're married. Let her do the talking after that.

There's nothing wrong with being close to mom, especially for a woman who is planning a wedding. Weddings take a lot of time and energy and contact between the bride and her mom.

And actually, the Bible calls for the MAN to leave HIS father and mother, but it says nothing about the woman leaving hers.

 

[enslow]

Have you considered doing things at her parents house for awhile until she and her parents build up a trust of you? Give it some time and see if they begin to relax after awhile.

Enslow