Paint the Sky with Tears (Comments & suggestions accepted)

[llexA]

Paint the Sky with Tears
By Axell Tan

"I can't believe you made such a stupid mistake!" my dad said. Again dad was angry, everyone in the family knew him for his temper. "How many times have we gone through this, why do you keep on repeating your mistakes, you really like to ruin everyone's day," Dad said as he got the paper from me. "I told you not to print it 4 times back to back, tell me how simple is that, Sean your already 13 years old, what's wrong with you?" Dad said and unstrapped his watch and placed it at the table trying to point out the time I consumed just to give an answer. I didn't know what to say, I wanted to run but I remained knowing the consequences would worsen. "Well, are you going to take the whole day just to answer," he said looking at his unstrapped watch. "I...I....," were the words if not letters I was able to squeeze out of myself, "How many times must you stammer and stutter, you now that your younger cousin can even talk to me without long pauses!" he said. I was silenced I didn't know what to say. "Answer me," he shouted. "Please stop playing with your fingers," he added. I couldn't help it I was too nervous. "Sean, your wasting my time and your time, don't you even care?" he said. "Do you want me to wallop your head, because its taking you too long to answer," dad threatened me. I was sweating all over and soon my whole shirt was wet due to perspiration. "I didn't hear yo..."
"You didn't hear my very well, then explain to me why Suzanne heard it when she was farther from you," dad said. "I wasn't paying much attention," I blurted out. "If you make the mistake of saying it too softly again I will slap Suzanne in the face,"he said. "I wasn't paying much attention," I said it louder than before. "Can't you have other reasons than those that came out of my mouth," dad said. "No," I answered honestly. "Sean do you wan't to make God feel sorry that He ever gave you a brain? You are human not an insticnt driven animal. Would you like to be treated like one?" he said. "No" I answered. "Your only good at saying yes or no, you know that?" "Yes," I said. I was trembling all over. "'People say I'm strict Sean, I don't think so, why because its abuse that I keep my cool when you do wrong, especially when people always tend to commit the same mistakes,". Dad came closer to me and I perspired even more. "Henry!" Mom's voice came from the door. "Please, stop it!" she said. I felt worse. "See, your even ruining mom's day," He said again. "Please stop it! I don't want this day turn more miserable,"
"It already has! Thanks to our son!" he shouted and attracted our office personnels attention. "Later during dinner we will talk about this," He added as he notice mom was in tears.

Will update sooner or later.
note: This is based from my experiances.
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[Tariel]

Ok...here's what I think:

I liked the story, and I am looking forward to reading more. But, there were a few places where I felt that perhaps the writing could be a little more expressive and therefore effective.

For example

I was sweating all over and soon my whole shirt was wet due to perspiration. "I didn't hear yo..."
"You didn't hear my very well, then explain to me why Suzanne heard it when she was farther from you," dad said.

In these sentences, as well as in the few opening ones, perhaps using a word other than "said" to describe how the father is speaking would give the reader a better sense of the tone of the story. Another alternative would be to leave that out all together: "You didn't hear me very well, then explain to my why Suzanne heard it when she was farther from you!" The puctuation could be a little more effective as well, I think. But you are the writer, you know what you want better than I do. These are just my suggestions.

I hope I didn't offend or discourage you. If I did, then I'm sorry. That is not what I intend to do. ok???