Pagan Dating

[Occams Barber]

Pagan Dating

Seems like every other week someone starts a CF thread bemoaning the pagan origins of Easter (the name and the celebrations) or the heresy implicit in Yule logs, Christmas trees and Santa’s elvish helpers. The fear of course is that a pagan connection to Christian words and symbols will contaminate Christian faith and acts as a barrier to salvation.

What these protectors of Christian propriety may not realise is that a far, far greater evil lies among them, hiding in plain sight on the walls, in their diaries and even festering away in the bottom right hand corner of the computer screen.

I am, of course, referring to - the Calendar. If a pagan Easter worries you, then the paganicity of the Calendar should be positively terrifying.

Let me explain.

Look at your Calendar.

The first month, January, is named after Janus, the two faced Roman god of gates and portals. You have just crossed the threshold and taken your first tentative step into a pagan world.

The second month, February comes from februarius mensis – the Roman month celebrating purification by making burnt offerings. Fighting the urge to burn the budgie or cremate the cat?

It gets worse.

March. From Mars, the bloody handed Roman god of War. Anyone up for a bit of Slaughter and Pillage before lunch?

April. From Apru, the Etruscan Aphrodite, the Goddess of Love. Beware the pagan lust.

May. From Maia, Roman Earth Goddess. Continue bewaring the lust.

June. From Juno, Roman Goddess of Adult Women and Marriage. She’s married so at least the lust is now legit.

July and August after Julius and Augustus Caesar. Finally free from the influence of pagan gods? Not quite. Both were deified. Time to render unto Caesar.

From here on you’re pretty safe. September, October November and December are named for the seventh, eighth, ninth and tenth months. Mathematically confusing but at least you’re out of the dark woods.

Or are you?

If you thought the calendar months were a hotbed of heresy and temptation then consider the calendar days.

In the 5th century marauding Germanic tribes invaded Britain bringing their language and their pantheon of gods. We still speak the language but, without realising it, we also acknowledge their gods at least 4 days a week.

On Tuesday (Old English Tiwesdaeg) you are celebrating the evil influence of Tiwes or Tiu, an ancient Germanic Sky god and sometime God of War.

Wednesday (Wodnesdæg).On Woden’s day remember Woden, allfather, boss of the gods, wanderer, healer, god of death and frenzy.

Thursday. Obviously from Thor, the hammer wielding god of thunder and lightning. Potential movie material.

Friday.(Frigadaeg). From Frigga Germanic Goddess of Married Love and Wives. Who says pagan gods can’t be nice?

Saturday, Sunday, Monday. Saturn’s Day, Sun’s Day and Moon’s Day. OK there are no pagan gods involved but the names are a bit weird.

************************​

So there you have it.

While you are worrying about Easter your calendar is quietly insinuating a pagan pantheon into your everyday existence.

What to do?

Just ignore it.

Sacrifice a Virgin and carry on like normal.

OB

 

[2PhiloVoid]

Pagan Dating

Seems like every other week someone starts a CF thread bemoaning the pagan origins of Easter (the name and the celebrations) or the heresy implicit in Yule logs, Christmas trees and Santa’s elvish helpers. The fear of course is that a pagan connection to Christian words and symbols will contaminate Christian faith and acts as a barrier to salvation.

What these protectors of Christian propriety may not realise is that a far, far greater evil lies among them, hiding in plain sight on the walls, in their diaries and even festering away in the bottom right hand corner of the computer screen.

I am, of course, referring to - the Calendar. If a pagan Easter worries you, then the paganicity of the Calendar should be positively terrifying.

Let me explain.

Look at your Calendar.

The first month, January, is named after Janus, the two faced Roman god of gates and portals. You have just crossed the threshold and taken your first tentative step into a pagan world.

The second month, February comes from februarius mensis – the Roman month celebrating purification by making burnt offerings. Fighting the urge to burn the budgie or cremate the cat?

It gets worse.

March. From Mars, the bloody handed Roman god of War. Anyone up for a bit of Slaughter and Pillage before lunch?

April. From Apru, the Etruscan Aphrodite, the Goddess of Love. Beware the pagan lust.

May. From Maia, Roman Earth Goddess. Continue bewaring the lust.

June. From Juno, Roman Goddess of Adult Women and Marriage. She’s married so at least the lust is now legit.

July and August after Julius and Augustus Caesar. Finally free from the influence of pagan gods? Not quite. Both were deified. Time to render unto Caesar.

From here on you’re pretty safe. September, October November and December are named for the seventh, eighth, ninth and tenth months. Mathematically confusing but at least you’re out of the dark woods.

Or are you?

If you thought the calendar months were a hotbed of heresy and temptation then consider the calendar days.

In the 5th century marauding Germanic tribes invaded Britain bringing their language and their pantheon of gods. We still speak the language but, without realising it, we also acknowledge their gods at least 4 days a week.

On Tuesday (Old English Tiwesdaeg) you are celebrating the evil influence of Tiwes or Tiu, an ancient Germanic Sky god and sometime God of War.

Wednesday (Wodnesdæg).On Woden’s day remember Woden, allfather, boss of the gods, wanderer, healer, god of death and frenzy.

Thursday. Obviously from Thor, the hammer wielding god of thunder and lightning. Potential movie material.

Friday.(Frigadaeg). From Frigga Germanic Goddess of Married Love and Wives. Who says pagan gods can’t be nice?

Saturday, Sunday, Monday. Saturn’s Day, Sun’s Day and Moon’s Day. OK there are no pagan gods involved but the names are a bit weird.

************************​

So there you have it.

While you are worrying about Easter your calendar is quietly insinuating a pagan pantheon into your everyday existence.

What to do?

Just ignore it.

Sacrifice a Virgin and carry on like normal.

OB

...and here I thought you were going to talk about the pros and cons of "dating Pagans." My bad...

 

[HoleyHermit]

I'm not really worried about the calendar. I thought you were going to hook me up with some pagan chicks. So disappointed.

 

[Occams Barber]

...and here I thought you were going to talk about the pros and cons of "dating Pagans." My bad...

Suckered right in
OB

 

[Shemjaza]

Saturday, Sunday, Monday. Saturn’s Day, Sun’s Day and Moon’s Day. OK there are no pagan gods involved but the names are a bit weird.

I'm pretty sure the Saturn in Saturday is the Roman god Saturn and not the planet (which is named for the god anyway).

 

[2PhiloVoid]

Pagan Dating

Seems like every other week someone starts a CF thread bemoaning the pagan origins of Easter (the name and the celebrations) or the heresy implicit in Yule logs, Christmas trees and Santa’s elvish helpers. The fear of course is that a pagan connection to Christian words and symbols will contaminate Christian faith and acts as a barrier to salvation.

What these protectors of Christian propriety may not realise is that a far, far greater evil lies among them, hiding in plain sight on the walls, in their diaries and even festering away in the bottom right hand corner of the computer screen.

I am, of course, referring to - the Calendar. If a pagan Easter worries you, then the paganicity of the Calendar should be positively terrifying.

Let me explain.

Look at your Calendar.

The first month, January, is named after Janus, the two faced Roman god of gates and portals. You have just crossed the threshold and taken your first tentative step into a pagan world.

The second month, February comes from februarius mensis – the Roman month celebrating purification by making burnt offerings. Fighting the urge to burn the budgie or cremate the cat?

It gets worse.

March. From Mars, the bloody handed Roman god of War. Anyone up for a bit of Slaughter and Pillage before lunch?

April. From Apru, the Etruscan Aphrodite, the Goddess of Love. Beware the pagan lust.

May. From Maia, Roman Earth Goddess. Continue bewaring the lust.

June. From Juno, Roman Goddess of Adult Women and Marriage. She’s married so at least the lust is now legit.

July and August after Julius and Augustus Caesar. Finally free from the influence of pagan gods? Not quite. Both were deified. Time to render unto Caesar.

From here on you’re pretty safe. September, October November and December are named for the seventh, eighth, ninth and tenth months. Mathematically confusing but at least you’re out of the dark woods.

Or are you?

If you thought the calendar months were a hotbed of heresy and temptation then consider the calendar days.

In the 5th century marauding Germanic tribes invaded Britain bringing their language and their pantheon of gods. We still speak the language but, without realising it, we also acknowledge their gods at least 4 days a week.

On Tuesday (Old English Tiwesdaeg) you are celebrating the evil influence of Tiwes or Tiu, an ancient Germanic Sky god and sometime God of War.

Wednesday (Wodnesdæg).On Woden’s day remember Woden, allfather, boss of the gods, wanderer, healer, god of death and frenzy.

Thursday. Obviously from Thor, the hammer wielding god of thunder and lightning. Potential movie material.

Friday.(Frigadaeg). From Frigga Germanic Goddess of Married Love and Wives. Who says pagan gods can’t be nice?

Saturday, Sunday, Monday. Saturn’s Day, Sun’s Day and Moon’s Day. OK there are no pagan gods involved but the names are a bit weird.

************************​

So there you have it.

While you are worrying about Easter your calendar is quietly insinuating a pagan pantheon into your everyday existence.

What to do?

Just ignore it.

Sacrifice a Virgin and carry on like normal.

OB

... yeah, I think I'll continue to just ignore it. Although, I've always thought Thor made for a cool superhero.

 

[Occams Barber]

I'm not really worried about the calendar. I thought you were going to hook me up with some pagan chicks. So disappointed.

One can only hope that you accessed the OP with purely Christian intentions?
OB

 

[Occams Barber]

I'm pretty sure the Saturn in Saturday is the Roman god Saturn and not the planet (which is named for the god anyway).

I believe you are correct (hence Saturnalia)

I went to sleep on this one.
OB

 

[Shemjaza]

... yeah, I think I'll continue to just ignore it. Although, I've always thought Thor made for a cool superhero.

Very true... then again Samson makes a pretty decent superhero too.

Or if you want to go a weirder interpretation, you can do the epic fantasy version of Methuselah:

 

[2PhiloVoid]

Very true... then again Samson makes a pretty decent superhero too.

Or if you want to go a weirder interpretation, you can do the epic fantasy version of Methuselah:

I don't know. I thought Beowulf was weird, but relevant.

 

[2PhiloVoid]

Suckered right in
OB

...OB, don't you have something better to do, like maybe punch a kangaroo or two?

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

Just a bit of historical nitpicking.

January is not named for Janus, but for 'ianua' meaning a door. The form of the name clearly indicates this and fits its position as 'opening the year'. Otherwise it would have had a form Janu-is/sis or such. Janus was however the god of thresholds and doorways, so January was considered his month.

April is named for 'aperire' or opening, referring to the flowers. Roman months were generally named for Roman gods, not their foreign equivalents, and if they were to name it after the goddess, they would have used a form of Venus.

May and June is debatable. May may come from Maia and June from Juno, but Ovid argued they are from Maius and Iunores - the aged and the young respectively. This actually fits the Roman festivals in these months, as May celebrated their elders and June their youth.

The reason the last four months are 7 through 10 is because this used to be their position until Numa Pompilius added two months to the start of the year. This was an attempt to bring it more in line with the solar year.

Also Saturn was a fairly important Roman god - but I see this has been addressed.

Sufficed to say though, our calender and week names clearly betray their pagan origins. Incidentally, the reason there are 7 days in the week are from the 7 classical planets - Mercury, Venus, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, the Sun and Moon. When the Anglo-Saxons adopted the Roman week they substituted their gods for the Roman ones, but did not have an equivalent for Saturn.

 

[Occams Barber]

...OB, don't you have something better to do, like maybe punch a kangaroo or two?

That's not as dumb as it sounds.
It's mid winter here (mid winter here = "Has anybody seen my long pants? What about my shoes? Do we still have a heater?") and I live in a rural place.

With the shortage of winter grass the roos are coming in on the neighbouring houseblocks. Some of them are a getting tame and can be a bit stroppy.

I haven't had to punch one yet but watch this space.
OB

 

[2PhiloVoid]

That's not as dumb as it sounds.
It's mid winter here (mid winter here = "Has anybody seen my long pants? What about my shoes? Do we still have a heater?") and I live in a rural place.

With the shortage of winter grass the roos are coming in on the neighbouring houseblocks. Some of them are a getting tame and can be a bit stroppy.

I haven't had to punch one yet but watch this space.
OB

Let me know if you do ... Up until recently, I didn't realize how much of a problem they were over there, or that they were so tough. That's what I get for growing up watching Winnie-the-Pooh.

 

[Occams Barber]

Just a bit of historical nitpicking.

January is not named for Janus, but for 'ianua' meaning a door. The form of the name clearly indicates this and fits its position as 'opening the year'. Otherwise it would have had a form Janu-is/sis or such. Janus was however the god of thresholds and doorways, so January was considered his month.

April is named for 'aperire' or opening, referring to the flowers. Roman months were generally named for Roman gods, not their foreign equivalents, and if they were to name it after the goddess, they would have used a form of Venus.

May and June is debatable. May may come from Maia and June from Juno, but Ovid argued they are from Maius and Iunores - the aged and the young respectively. This actually fits the Roman festivals in these months, as May celebrated their elders and June their youth.

The reason the last four months are 7 through 10 is because this used to be their position until Numa Pompilius added to months to the start of the year. This was an attempt to bring it more in line with the solar year.

Also Saturn was a fairly important Roman god - but I see this has been addressed.

Sufficed to say though, our calender and week names clearly betray their pagan origins. Incidentally, the reason there are 7 days in the week are from the 7 classical planets - Mercury, Venus, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, the Sun and Moon. When the Anglo-Saxons adopted the Roman week they substituted their gods for the Roman ones, but did not have an equivalent for Saturn.

The Gospel According to OB
1. Never ruin a good story with the truth
2. A sense of humour is like the other sock. Once it goes missing it can be really hard to find..
OB

 

[HoleyHermit]

One can only hope that you accessed the OP with purely Christian intentions?
OB

My zeal for spreading the gospel amongst the pagan chicks knows no bounds.

 

[Occams Barber]

Let me know if you do ... Up until recently, I didn't realize how much of a problem they were over there, or that they were so tough. That's what I get for growing up watching Winnie-the-Pooh.

I had to evict several from my last house on several acres. Then had to pick up the trail of 'pellets' left behind. Also kicked out possums, giant rats, bats, lizards of all sizes and the odd snake. We had a bat which came in to sleep above the bed.

Where I now live (on the beach) I've kicked out a couple of (non poisonous) snakes, a 1 metre (3 foot) water dragon (= a big lizard with a frill), a big owl and the same little bird twice in one day (it liked me).

And - before you ask - no, I'm not exaggerating.
OB

 

[Occams Barber]

My zeal for spreading the gospel amongst the pagan chicks knows no bounds.

Its good to see that you are intent on adopting the missionary position.
OB

 

[2PhiloVoid]

I had to evict several from my last house on several acres. Then had to pick up the trail of 'pellets' left behind. Also kicked out possums, giant rats, bats, lizards of all sizes and the odd snake. We had a bat which came in to sleep above the bed.

Where I now live (on the beach) I've kicked out a couple of (non poisonous) snakes, a 1 metre (3 foot) water dragon (= a big lizard with a frill), a big owl and the same little bird twice in one day (it liked me).

And - before you ask - no, I'm not exaggerating.
OB

Oh, I can imagine the truth of it, really. And I thought my last house had problems with a few tiny mice, a roach or two, and a few funky spiders. But I can see that my pest problems are peanuts in comparison; you've really got your hands full with that 'zoo,' mate! Sounds like some interesting bits of nature, though.

 

[Tanj]

I had to evict several from my last house on several acres. Then had to pick up the trail of 'pellets' left behind. Also kicked out possums, giant rats, bats, lizards of all sizes and the odd snake. We had a bat which came in to sleep above the bed.

Where I now live (on the beach) I've kicked out a couple of (non poisonous) snakes, a 1 metre (3 foot) water dragon (= a big lizard with a frill), a big owl and the same little bird twice in one day (it liked me).

And - before you ask - no, I'm not exaggerating.
OB

Well I think you are lying. You have named a half dozen creatures and not one of them is poisonous. Mate of mine had to vacate his house because it was taken over by a red back swarm.