Other punishments

[chava]

I was wondering what some alternative punishments were for spanking. I don't ever want to lay a hand on my child for anything because I don't believe it's teaching them anything but violence. I was wondering if anyone had some alternatives?

 

[annaapple]

Bizarrely, a hug often works. Then, when they've clamed down, you can discuss what they did wrong and get them to say sorry after explaining why their behaviour made you angry.

I also HIGHLY recommend 'How to really parent your child' by Ross Campbell (I think) - a Christian guide to support parents with the major issues.

 

[RedTulipMom]

taking away toys or priveleges, time outs, writing a paper on what they did wrong, sitting in their room, being grounded from the phone...it depends on the ages of the child of course..

 

[jgonz]

Consequences are always good. If you do this, then This will be your punishment... Depending on the age of the child, you can even write out a list.

 

[Katydid]

Natural and Logical consequences are the most effective on all 4 of our very different children. A natural consequence is something that nature takes care of, you don't have to do anything. For instance, if you tell your child not to run because they may fall, then, they run, they fall, that is a natural consequence. So, of course, these are not something to use with a child too young to understand them.

A Logical consequence is something that logically relates to the offense. For instance, your child is told not to throw food, they throw food, the meal is now over. That is a logical consequence.


A time out doesn't relate to the "crime" so to say, so a young child (under 3 or so) cannot possibly comprehend why mommy is ignoring them. But, if they hit, and you tell them hitting is not appropriate, then they go to hit again, it is logical to remove them from that situation. If they throw a ball in the house after you tell them not to, then taking the ball away is logical.

Some things that may PREVENT problems are always helpful as well, so here are some helpful tips....

1. Always state your request simply while touching your child's arm and looking them in their eye at THEIR level.

2. Always give them a good consequence for obeying you, (if you clean your room before lunch THEN you may go outside to play).

3. Provide assistance if necessary (I know cleaning your room is hard, how about you start by making your bed)

4. If they start to lose it, then take them to a quiet place and allow them to calm down.

5. AFTER they are calm, then make it clear that they are still expected to follow through with what they were told.




There are many more, but these are a good start. If you need suggestions for specific situations, then please post them and we can brainstorm together.

 

[jessesgirl]

I love your ideas, everyone...do they really work? I am not doubting them but I see some parents who say that they would NEVER spank and their children are everywhere...and really wild...how do your children react to these type of consequences? They look great on paper, I am anxious to see how they work off paper! Is this considered hijacking the thread???

 

[Katydid]

They work. I didn't believe it at first, but my children are better behaved now than they were when we were spanking. Now, they behave better in public places, and when we aren't watching. With spanking, they learn where you will and won't do it, or when they can get away with misbehaving. With these methods they learn HOW the world works and HOW to function in it well.

 

[jessesgirl]

That makes sense...thanks!

 

[Vintauri]

As others have stated it really depends on age. When they are younger they don't comprehend everything so some consequenses wont make sense to them. During these years it takes patience and grace of both parents. For our 2 year old we could go nuts if we really expected him to understand everything we tell him as right or wrong. So the best way to help keep him behaving is to remove the dangerous no's and temptations. For things like hitting we have a rule.. "You hit, You sit" We'll carry him to a chair and make him sit down. We then calmly tell him that it's not okay to hit and that mommy and daddy wont play with him if he hits. At his age it only takes about 30 sec and the moment is gone but he is usually calmed down.

There is a good book out there that I think is called "Grace Based parenting". It talkes about raising children like god "parents" us. http://www.familymatters.net/GraceBasedBook.asp

It might give you some more ideas on how to raise children without spankings.

Steve

 

[clycleader]

I really like the "if you hit, you sit" rule. My son is 17 months and is hitting a bit. We have tried time outs where we will lightly hold his wrists until he calms down (or 1 minute, whichever comes first). We learned that from this forum. It works because he dosen't sit (like in a time out).