Orthodoxy and Single life

[OrthoJoe]

Hello all,

I'm new to Christian Forums, converted to Orthodoxy several years ago. I was wondering if any one here had read anything about Orthodox and life as a single person, but not a member of a monastic community? Is that even an okay choice? Work moves me around the country a lot, so its hard to develop a long term relationship with a spiritual father. I've talked to priests that said it was fine, and others that have taken a dim view of it.
Any thoughts, opinions, or reading recommendations welcome and appericated.

 

[Lotar]

What I have been told is that the Church blesses only two ways of life: marriage and monasticism (since they both involve killing self will, and are forms of martyrdom). Though, there are times that someone may have the desire to marry, but be unable to do so, and then it is important for them to have a close relationship with their Spiritual father.

Welcome to TAW.

 

[silouanathonite]

What I have been told is that the Church blesses only two ways of life: marriage and monasticism (since they both involve killing self will, and are forms of martyrdom). Though, there are times that someone may have the desire to marry, but be unable to do so, and then it is important for them to have a close relationship with their Spiritual father.

Welcome to TAW.

I have nevee heard it expressed that way. What about those who do not want to be a monastic and choose not to marry, but live a celibate life serving the Church in the world. I think we have to be careful stating that those those are the only two options. If someone chooses not to marry, but live a celibate life without becoming a monastic, that would seem to me just as pleasing to God.

 

[MichaelNZ]

Both marriage and monasticism are vocations. Single life isn't.

When you're married or in monastic life, you're generally in it for life - you can't usually get out of it. Divorce is permitted for adultery, and I think that it is permissible to leave a monastery, but it is very rare. In the single life, you can either get married or enter a monastery - your state of life can change, unlike married life or monasticism.

 

[choirfiend]

People may be called to be a "monastic" in the world--not a tonsured monk or nun, but they may not be called to marriage, neither called to living in a monastery. It happens. It is not something that is condemned--however, it is a VERY hard way of life.

 

[Padraig]

Hello all,

I'm new to Christian Forums, converted to Orthodoxy several years ago. I was wondering if any one here had read anything about Orthodox and life as a single person, but not a member of a monastic community? Is that even an okay choice? Work moves me around the country a lot, so its hard to develop a long term relationship with a spiritual father. I've talked to priests that said it was fine, and others that have taken a dim view of it.
Any thoughts, opinions, or reading recommendations welcome and appericated.

I haven't seen any written material that addresses that specifically. Yes, it is an ok choice. I pray that you can develop a relationship with a priest. We all need someone to confide in every now and then. Just because you move around a lot doesn't mean that you can't stay in touch. With the wonders of this here internet-thingy, the world is much smaller.

I would also add for the benefit of those who think that the only two forms of life acceptable to the Church are marriage or Orthodoxy, that for the first 3 centuries of the Church, there were celibates and married folks. The monastic institution did not exist. We have several bishops in the US, in fact, that were celibate priests at one time, only taking the monastic tonsure when becoming a bishop.

In peace,
Dn Kevin

 

[Akathist]

I have heard that if someone divorces the preference if possible is that they remain unmarried.

However, consider your motives. If you just want to avoid the responsibilities of either marriage of monasticism then the church might have a dim view of that. But if that is not your motive, I think living as if you were a widow but without having lost a spouse seems a reasonable thing to do if you will use your extra time to serve the poor and needy and the church.

I myself would prefer to be happily married (and living with my husband... a requirement I never thought I would have to list). But since I am alone, I find this to be an extremely hard path to take. I don't want this to be my life choice and wouldn't wish it on anyone.

 

[MichaelNZ]

It's not a permanent vocation.

You could feel you are called to the single life and live as a single person, but then a few years down the track, you could meet Mr. or Miss Right and get married. Or you could visit a monastery, and fall in love with the monastic life, and decide to become a monk or nun.

 

[buzuxi02]

One is better not to marry unless he burns with desire. If he cannot control himself he is better off marrying. This is what St Paul teaches.
After all the sacrament of marriage is non-mandatory.

I know many (me included) that believe there should be no "celibate priests" unmarried priests should at the very least have some sort of monastic experience. It will also help them with handling desires and aspects of parish life

 

[gzt]

Though it really wouldn't be a calling to "single life", but rather to celibacy. Quite a difference.