Opinion's on cuddling

[Eccp19]

Okay here is the scenario: Dorm room, a roommate/other people are present. What do you think of taking a nap in bed fully dressed and everything is completely non-sexual? I'm probably going to get flamed for this post but its the nicest feeling in the world to go to sleep in the arms of the one you love without wanting to do anything sexual. (which we don't do anyway)

So please, before you flame me, take a look at the whole scenario again and tell me what you think. The reason I'm making this post is because I know what our intentions are, but I see no reason why this should be a no-no as of now. If there are some, I will be wise and take them into account.

 

[Miss_Music]

i completely agree... falling asleep in the arms of the one you love is one of the best experiences ever! we've only done it a few times and NEVER in a bed. mostly it's been unintentional, like when we're cuddling and watching a movie or the footy or something and one of us falls asleep.

HOWEVER... (don't look at me like that, you knew it was coming )
it is one of our fundamental boundaries that bedrooms are off limits, it's just easier to rule a bed out completely than deal with possible temptations that might arise once we're in the bed. why fight temptation when it's so much easier to just avoid it? while your intentions may be pure and even if you don't have to deal with any temptations whatsoever, there's still that part about avoiding even the appearance of evil. what sort of an example could you possibly appear to be giving to your room mates?

besides all that, isn't this something that you'd like to save to share with your wife someday? not saying that you have to but personally, in addition to saving sex and all sexual touching for marriage, i want to save other emotional experiences for my husband only. falling asleep with him is one of them.

you say that you know what your intentions are, and i totally believe you, but it's so easy to get swept up in the moment sometimes, isn't it just easier to be a little more careful (as annoying as it is, i know...) than risk doing something that you'll regret?

 

[Playball!]

That's a good question but by asking it, you probably already know it's not the best idea to get into that situation. Even though the intentions may not be there at the time, you are still putting yourselves in a situation where lustful thoughts are bound to come up. I also think it's a big difference to fall asleep together in bed rather that a couch while watching a movie or something.

Yes, it helps that there are others in the room but they won't know the thoughts running through your head and the next time they're not there, temptation probably will. Pray about it though.

 

[Ceris]

Okay here is the scenario: Dorm room, a roommate/other people are present. What do you think of taking a nap in bed fully dressed and everything is completely non-sexual? I'm probably going to get flamed for this post but its the nicest feeling in the world to go to sleep in the arms of the one you love without wanting to do anything sexual. (which we don't do anyway)

So please, before you flame me, take a look at the whole scenario again and tell me what you think. The reason I'm making this post is because I know what our intentions are, but I see no reason why this should be a no-no as of now. If there are some, I will be wise and take them into account.

You know when you are tempted and when you are not. I am not going to advise against this because, hey, it's something that my gf & I do on occasion. Do I ever find myself tempted by these occasions? Suprisingly, no I do not. But maybe that's because I know when I am tempted and when I am not and that is most definately not one of those times.

So I'd say (from experience), check on a couple things - 1) Honestly ask yourself if you (or your girlfriend) are being tempted in those situations. If you are, then you need to re-evaluate what is ok and what is not. 2) Check (discreetly) if this is something that the other people (i.e. your roomate) are ok with. I know from experience in college that with most people it's fine, but it would still be nice/courtious to check. 3)Set some sort of limits (i.e. maybe only when others are around or the door is open, etc.) 4) Do get wrapped up in legalsitic views over this. An unhealthy obsession on sexual stuff (and avoiding this) can be just as bad/destructive as messing up sexually in someways (and yeah, I know this one first hand).

You'll have some people that say "Whatever" and some people that say "No, it's the DEVIL!". Just be honest with yourself (which it sounds like you're doing). If you have more questions, feel free to post here, or just PM me anytime.

God Bless,
Ceris

 

[Leanna]

I think this isn't a good idea.... at first you may not experience temptation, but later after it becomes "old hat" temptation will come. Also, it looks bad and is setting a bad example as a Christian. And I think you should share this special experience for marriage. There are a lot of feeligns running around right now (I saw your other post about falling in love) and the last thing you want to do is get this off to a rough start. Once people start going down the road of the physical it is very difficult to get back out of. It is likely you aren't getting married soon, why make it harder than it should be? Then again, I remember what it was like to be your age and feel the same way so I wouldn't listen to the older and wiser..... I should have, but I didn't. Maybe you will be wiser and not follow your (sorry) fleshly desires... this isn't the Spirit that makes you want to do this, only the flesh.

 

[Singin4Him]

I think this isn't a good idea.... at first you may not experience temptation, but later after it becomes "old hat" temptation will come. Also, it looks bad and is setting a bad example as a Christian. And I think you should share this special experience for marriage. There are a lot of feeligns running around right now (I saw your other post about falling in love) and the last thing you want to do is get this off to a rough start. Once people start going down the road of the physical it is very difficult to get back out of. It is likely you aren't getting married soon, why make it harder than it should be? Then again, I remember what it was like to be your age and feel the same way so I wouldn't listen to the older and wiser..... I should have, but I didn't. Maybe you will be wiser and not follow your (sorry) fleshly desires... this isn't the Spirit that makes you want to do this, only the flesh.

I couldn't agree more! Keep in mind, Satan always uses thing to decieve us that seem innocent and harmless.

 

[WhiteWolf76]

I think this isn't a good idea.... at first you may not experience temptation, but later after it becomes "old hat" temptation will come. Also, it looks bad and is setting a bad example as a Christian. And I think you should share this special experience for marriage. There are a lot of feeligns running around right now (I saw your other post about falling in love) and the last thing you want to do is get this off to a rough start. Once people start going down the road of the physical it is very difficult to get back out of. It is likely you aren't getting married soon, why make it harder than it should be? Then again, I remember what it was like to be your age and feel the same way so I wouldn't listen to the older and wiser..... I should have, but I didn't. Maybe you will be wiser and not follow your (sorry) fleshly desires... this isn't the Spirit that makes you want to do this, only the flesh.

I don't see where you're getting that from. If he says he's not tempted then how can it be "only the flesh"? Also, I think you're probably ruining the moment for him. He's in love. Let's be optimistic. He probably intends on getting married to this person. You can't save everything for after your marrage and I doubt he feels that he is giving anything up in this situation. I'd say if you're in a long term relationship with the intention of getting married this is fine.

I suppose I'm kind of bias though...

 

[Oblivious]

If you both agree that it will not lead to other temptations - then I don't see a problem with it.

 

[Leanna]

Well, hmmmm. Let me see how I can put this. Lots of Bible stuff about this. Do you know about fasting? You deny your physical self (the flesh) to dedicate yourself to getting closer to God for a while (the Spirit). If God is number one in a relationship.... you will not ask "how much can I get away with?" (the flesh) but rather, how much can I protect this person that I love (the Spirit)? Until you've been to the altar you can't be sure that you'll marry a person. Until you're married you can't be sure when temptation will hit.... maybe after the 20th time of laying in bed with her suddenly.... errr.... the flag will raise? Then it is a whole different game, rather than avoiding it, we walked right into it there. Its just such a big risk. It is a flesh thing, its about "feeling good" "feeling close" to a person.... that's not about God. That's why i call it a flesh thing. I hope I explained it clearly.

 

[Hope_0004]

If you both agree that it will not lead to other temptations - then I don't see a problem with it.

Me neither. I think it's great to make your own personal boundaries...but that's just what they are, personal boundaries. Personal. Some people get really turned on by being in a bed together... others don't. Also, the way you are touching, laying, etc., all has to do with the physical side.

If you really, honestly feel comfortable with it, don't worry too much about getting "flamed". There will always be someone who disagrees with everything... there are people who think it's ridiculous not to have sex before marriage to "test the waters". There are people who think that you shouldn't have sex, even when you are married, unless you are trying to procreate. There are all kinds of opinions... everyone's got one. The one that should be most important to you, in light of what God's word means to you, is that of you and your girlfriend, and perhaps your parents, pastor, or others that you relate to.

I think it's more than fine - people need some TLC once in awhile. It's natural.

 

[WhiteWolf76]

Well, hmmmm. Let me see how I can put this. Lots of Bible stuff about this. Do you know about fasting? You deny your physical self (the flesh) to dedicate yourself to getting closer to God for a while (the Spirit). If God is number one in a relationship.... you will not ask "how much can I get away with?" (the flesh) but rather, how much can I protect this person that I love (the Spirit)? Until you've been to the altar you can't be sure that you'll marry a person. Until you're married you can't be sure when temptation will hit.... maybe after the 20th time of laying in bed with her suddenly.... errr.... the flag will raise? Then it is a whole different game, rather than avoiding it, we walked right into it there. Its just such a big risk. It is a flesh thing, its about "feeling good" "feeling close" to a person.... that's not about God. That's why i call it a flesh thing. I hope I explained it clearly.

I guess that depends on your defintition of temptation. ".... errr.... the flag will raise?" That's just a physical thing that can happen without lust if you don't think about it. It means nothing. Temptation is in your head, not your pants.

 

[Sketcher]

Well, hmmmm. Let me see how I can put this. Lots of Bible stuff about this. Do you know about fasting? You deny your physical self (the flesh) to dedicate yourself to getting closer to God for a while (the Spirit). If God is number one in a relationship.... you will not ask "how much can I get away with?" (the flesh) but rather, how much can I protect this person that I love (the Spirit)? Until you've been to the altar you can't be sure that you'll marry a person. Until you're married you can't be sure when temptation will hit.... maybe after the 20th time of laying in bed with her suddenly.... errr.... the flag will raise? Then it is a whole different game, rather than avoiding it, we walked right into it there. Its just such a big risk. It is a flesh thing, its about "feeling good" "feeling close" to a person.... that's not about God. That's why i call it a flesh thing. I hope I explained it clearly.

The flesh is not the physical self. Paul uses it as a metaphor for the sinful nature. Therefore not everything that makes you feel good is "fleshly." Lack of self control - now that is fleshly.

 

[Miss_Music]

Eccp19 - how does your girlfriend feel about this?

 

[Inperfected]

Heres my opinion. Most christians take laying down on/in (wateva) a bed together as a dodgy thing... In peter it says to keep away from all appearances of evil (or so i think...). Tho it may not be evil, or dodgy, it can look suspicious.

 

[Eccp19]

Miss Music: She feels exactly the same way I do. She is actually the one that encourages it most. She feels extremely secure and loved when we do it.

 

[Maeyken]

For me it's not about physical temptation, but rather about emotion. To me, falling asleep together is something I want to save until marriage to experience. I love the feeling of being in my fiance's arms, and I love when we're lying side by side on the couch. It's definitely a special time of closeness. Falling asleep though, I want to wait for that.

 

[Linnis]

Cuddling while watching a movie in one another's parents living rooom or in a common room with friends is okay. Cuddling beyond that or sleeping together, the temptation is too great and all your ideas about keeping pure until marriage might go out the window in the moment.

Cuddling in an enviroment which means it can't go any further is great, it's a way to feel close etc Anything beyond that and in my experience you are asking for trouble.

 

[vibrant]

cuddling in bedrooms on beds and falling asleep? not for me. i won't even allow a guy into my bedroom, much less my bed.

 

[alwayz_remember_Calvery]

I don't really have a problem with it. If your girlfriend is ok with it then check with your roommate. It isn't a good idea to tick your roommate off, you have to live with that person for a few more months.
As for the people who said that they'd never let a guy into their room or on their bed...well that isn't always possible. Let me explain. I'm a freshman at college. I live in a dorm. Ya know what i have in my room to sit on while watching TV or a movie? The floor or the bed. There isn't a whole lot of room for stuff like a couch or chairs, we only have so much room and we have to make due with that.

 

[vibrant]

even when i lived in dorms, where my bedroom was also my study, my living room, my dining room, my anything, it never even crossed my mind to bring guys up there. there are other places we could have met and hung out.

my bedroom and my bed is my personal space, and it's an intimate space, and no amount of convenience is going to compromise that.