Opinions from men please

[eatenbylocusts]

I want to get some opinions from some men. I’ll try to make this story as short as possible. I’ve been going to a single’s group at another church for about 2 years. 9 months ago I was introduced to T, a man now in his late 40’s. He recognized me one day when I was driving in to church and he was driving out and waved. (This tells me he remembers me.) He started to only come to the monthly social events and on at least two of those events I would look up and notice him looking at me. Sometimes this would last for several seconds and I would end up looking away because it seemed a little intense. He missed two of the socials so I asked the single’s pastor if he knew what was going on with him because he seemed like someone that I would like to know better.

Two weeks ago I came across his profile on a Christian dating site. I added him to my favorite list which he would’ve eventually been notified of in an email or he could’ve found this out by checking the activity on his account. As far as I could tell he never viewed my profile, but I found out later that you can view profiles privately. After a few days I asked the pastor to find out why he wasn’t coming to the socials. He called him and told him that someone from the group was interested in him. That day I noticed that his profile was unavailable and the next day I realized that he had closed his account on the website. The pastor saw him at a meeting a few days later and asked him if he was curious who was interested in him and he said that he was.

He came to the social this past Friday, but he was constantly talking to people and we never talked. The pastor emailed him and asked him if he could give his email address to the person who was interested in him and he said yes. I sent him an email Monday and at the end I asked him if he had seen my profile on the website. I never received a response. Yesterday I sent a short, humorous email with the general gist that even if he was not interested I would like to know.

When I had the opportunity to talk to him several months ago he impressed me as a gentleman. It doesn’t make sense to me that he would just blow me off without a reply especially since we might run in to each other at one of the socials (unless he is not planning on ever coming again).

Any thoughts? This is driving me nuts.

 

[mwb]

Maybe he was initially interested but changed his mind.

 

[Irascible]

I'd relax and just say hello in person the next time you see him. (HA! Easy for me to say, ay? )

The most mature and confident looking man can be paralyzed by the prospect of romantic interest from a lady. Ladies do have that kind of power over many of us. A common male response to such pressure is to shut down. He may have been interested. But fear may have left him uncertain how to reply so he didn't reply at all. Or maybe he's been out of town and hasn't checked his e-mail. Or maybe he really isn't interested and doesn't have the guts to say.

My point is I don't think there's any right way to interpret things until you get it from him in person. In the mean time you'll have to be just a little nuts.

 

[eatenbylocusts]

My point is I don't think there's any right way to interpret things until you get it from him in person. In the mean time you'll have to be just a little nuts.

I was already a little nuts already. Another reason why I think it doesn't make sense for him to ignore my email is because he knows the single's pastor is going to say something to him the next time he sees him.

 

[Irascible]

...it doesn't make sense for him to...

Come now. You know better than I how nonsensical men can be. I'm a poster boy for the phenomenon myself.

 

[Stanfi]

Well like already said, there are 3 posibilities.

1. He is away from his email, and hasn't checked it, or hasn't had time to respond. I have learned for some it takes a while to respond to email. However, I think this shows a complete lack of consideration for someone else's feelings, escpecially when that other person is expecting a response.

2. He simply doesn not know what to say.

3. He isn't interested, and just doesn't have the guts to say it.

I hate to be the pessimist, but I am. My experience has always been if someone is truly interested, then they will let you know. They will repsond to the email immediatley, and they will make a point to try to talk to you when they have the oppourtunity.

Not knowing this mans's history, there is always the possibllty that he doesn't have much dating experience, and simply doesn't know what to do. Perhaps he is so settled in his ways at this point in his life, that the reality of someone coming into his life, and turning his world upside down is terrifying. I think human beings by nature don't like change. Sort of like, you are showing interest in wanting to get to know him, and he is seeing himself standing at the alter, and it freaks him out.

However, time will tell, I am sure you will find out at your next singles meeting.

 

[eatenbylocusts]

I asked the pastor if he saw him at church this weekend and he did, but he said that they didn't talk. He's saying it's all up to me now so I guess even if they did talk he might not have asked if he had read the email.

So I have to decide if I'm going to wait two weeks and see if he shows up to the next single's event and then try to talk to him alone, or call him.

Either he didn't get the email and time is wasting or he did and there may be some potential weirdness if we run in to each other at his church. It might even keep him from coming to the single's events and I would hate for him to stay away because of this. I think I just convinced myself that I should call.

 

[Stanfi]

I asked the pastor if he saw him at church this weekend and he did, but he said that they didn't talk. He's saying it's all up to me now so I guess even if they did talk he might not have asked if he had read the email.

So I have to decide if I'm going to wait two weeks and see if he shows up to the next single's event and then try to talk to him alone, or call him.

Either he didn't get the email and time is wasting or he did and there may be some potential weirdness if we run in to each other at his church. It might even keep him from coming to the single's events and I would hate for him to stay away because of this. I think I just convinced myself that I should call.

Here is something to ask yourself. Do you think you might be getting a little bit to much in a hurry? You just have to take things slow and let it happen. I don't know if you are, but it you are giving off signs of desperation, this might be freaking this guy out.

Just a thought.

 

[eatenbylocusts]

Here is something to ask yourself. Do you think you might be getting a little bit to much in a hurry? You just have to take things slow and let it happen. I don't know if you are, but it you are giving off signs of desperation, this might be freaking this guy out.

Just a thought.

I hope not. We were introduced 9 months ago, it was about 3 weeks ago when the pastor told him someone was interested in him, and it's been a week since I sent him the email where I told him I was the one the pastor was talking about. The only reason that I even initiated anything was because I thought he had some interest in me based on catching him looking at me several times.

It's not that I'm desperate, but I like to resolve things as soon as possible. I want to know where I stand. If he's thinking about-that's fine, but I don't even know if he read my email.

 

[mwb]

I'd say wait for two weeks. Then just relax & be yourself at the next event. If you are too aggressive, he might be intimidated. If you get the chance, say hi. Turning this into a soap opera when you meet might be a little overwhelming.

 

[Jenster]

You remind me of me, EBL. Needing resolution *now.* I totally understand, especially when your heart is on the line.

Realize though that not everyone's like that, possibly including the object of your affection. He may be perfectly comfortable having things unresolved and up-in-the-air. He may wish to talk with you in person instead of replying over e-mail.

As a fellow fan of resolution, I'd just caution you not to miss the big picture for the small one. Getting things resolved is the small one. Establishing a friendly, happy friendship (possibly more) with this guy is the big picture. I would think of how best to get the friendship off to a good start, the next natural chance you get.

Peace.

P.S. Oops, sorry, I just realized this thread was for men to respond. Apologies!

 

[eatenbylocusts]

I called him tonight-got the number off the internet. I asked him if he got an email from me and he said he had gotten two. He asked me if I had received his which I hadn't. He said he sent it Thursday. So I asked him what it said and he said basically that he was not interested. He said that my second email seemed a little intense-I explained that it was supposed to be humorous. And the part where I tried to clarify who I was because of my Hispanic last name he took to mean that I thought he might be racist. Huh?

He said he had run the situation by some lady friends at church and they thought I was too aggresive. I explained in my first email to him that I had never done anything like this before. I asked for a little more clarification and he said that he is usually interested in a more "athletic" type. Interesting. I was almost 8 pounds heavier in October and November when I kept finding him looking at me.

All in all the conversation was good. He seems more shallow to me though. At 47, and with his level of service to his church I wouldn't think that body type would be #2 on his list. He said he was flattered. I told him I didn't want there to be any weirdness if we ran into each other at church and he promised he wouldn't run away. I'm glad I called.

 

[mwb]

The challenge for a man is to find the right words to impress a woman. I suppose for women, it's to find the right way to let a man know you are interested.

 

[Craft]

Could be that he is shy, scared or too set in his ways and talked himself out of any type of relationship... Or all three of the above

It happens, my only advice is if you think he is worth it, you might want to try the more direct rout and invite him over for a Sunday Supper, lol The true route to a single man's heart is through his stomache, especially if he does not have to cook for himself, lol. Give it a try and see if it works, I know as a single guy, I would have a hard time turning down a Home cooked meal, lol

 

[eatenbylocusts]

Could be that he is shy, scared or too set in his ways and talked himself out of any type of relationship... Or all three of the above

It happens, my only advice is if you think he is worth it, you might want to try the more direct rout and invite him over for a Sunday Supper, lol The true route to a single man's heart is through his stomache, especially if he does not have to cook for himself, lol. Give it a try and see if it works, I know as a single guy, I would have a hard time turning down a Home cooked meal, lol

It was funny to see this post again. I'm dating someone now who I kept turning down because there wasn't any sparks on our first date, too old, too short, etc. He compliments me often and is doing all the things I wished my ex-bf had done like calling me more often. Persistence does pay off sometimes. I'm glad he was persistent. Now I think he's cute and has a very handsome profile and there's lot of sparks.

 

[Jenster]

It was funny to see this post again. I'm dating someone now who I kept turning down because there wasn't any sparks on our first date, too old, too short, etc. He compliments me often and is doing all the things I wished my ex-bf had done like calling me more often. Persistence does pay off sometimes. I'm glad he was persistent. Now I think he's cute and has a very handsome profile and there's lot of sparks.

w00t! This is very encouraging!

 

[eatenbylocusts]

w00t! This is very encouraging!

Hi Jenster. This relationship completely took me by surprise. It was on our third date, (the first was way back in August) when I started getting tingles up and down my arms while he was talking. My daughter gets along with him very well. My son is aloof.