opinions/advice?

[midnighttrain]

me and this guy have liked each other for 3 years now. we dated three years ago, but broke up as we both moved to different places. however, three years later, our feelings for each other haven't changed. after we dated, both of us tried to move on but neither of us could. although ive never told him, i'm pretty sure we're going to end up married, and he however has openly told me the same thing.

the only thing that worries me though is that he doesn't have a strong relationship with Jesus. i have never had feelings for someone else like i have had for him, and if i havent been able to move on for 3 years, i doubt i will now. i know God can make anything happen, but i can't help worrying that if he is the one, will he ever come to Christ? i refuse to end up with someone who cannot be a Godly leader for my family and i. and if he isnt the one, and i think he is, am i just waiting in vain? i've struggled with this so much over the past few years: whether to wait because he's the one, or let go because i might be waiting in vain.

i guess this is just me venting and looking for opinions/advice

 

[LinkH]

Here is my advice.

Don't be unequally yoked together with an unbeliever. If he isn't husband material because of his lack of interest in spiritual things, don't keep dating him. Don't stretch out a romantic relationship with an unbeliever who shows no interest in repenting. It isn't fair to either of you.

Does he show any interest at all?

 

[midnighttrain]

just to clarify: we aren't dating. we did at one point, but as i said, i won't consider dating him unless he is a believer. i'm simply confused as to whether i should "wait" for him or not. we both have talked about this, and if we meet other people, it's completely ok; its not like we are exclusive to each other or choosing to wait for each other. if we are meant to be together, then i have no doubt that God will make it happen. nonetheless, our feelings for each other haven't changed. i can't date anyone else if i still have feelings for this guy, and i hope that in the end it is he that ends up being my husband, but i don't want to be waiting for something that simply isn't going to happen and is not in His plans for me. i know it's not my business to be worrying about this right now; if i focus on God, what He wants for me will fall into place, however i can't help this from coming into my thoughts every once in a while.

to answer your question LinkH, he has shown interest. various times he's asked me questions about God and the Bible; mainly more theological questions such as "what happens to indigenous tribes that have never heard about God?" i can see that he's really searching; i and many other people have had conversations like this with him, but it seems to be one of those things that in the end he just needs to come to agreement with God at his own time when he is ready and understands.

 

[peckaboo]

I would strongly advise against marrying someone who isn't prepared to be a spiritual leader for your family, especially if that's what you desire in a husband. My personal experience (and other's experiences will vary) of being married to someone who once professed a strong faith but is now changing his mind is that he's not there to bolster you when you have doubts or when you're discouraged in your faith. When hard times come and you want to question God, your husband isn't there reminding you of God's inherent goodness and grace, and encouraging you to stay on course. When you don't have the energy to pursue an active church life, your husband doesn't care about whether or not you go to church - he'd rather spend Sunday mornings sleeping in anyway. He doesn't hold you accountable to pursuing a godly life, and doesn't respond well when you do want him to pursue one because you have different measures by which you define morality. Those things are HARD. It's very difficult to be a Christian all by yourself without the support of those close to you. Don't assume that you'll always have other Christians around you who can fill the gaps that your husband doesn't - what if you move to a new area and don't settle in a church quickly? What if you move to a very multicultural area where there are few Christians and you're the only one in your neighbourhood? Obviously your faith is your own, and you shouldn't be solely reliant on your husband to keep it going, but don't underestimate how Satan takes advatage of your isolation when you don't get to interact with other Christians regularly.

I don't mean to be negative, and I'm not criticising my own husband at all. But I've been told that the majority of problems in marriage arise from people's expectations not being met. And the expectation for a man to be a spiritual leader is a big one. And a biblical one, IMHO - I'm not suggesting that you shouldn't expect that, just that you shouldn't go into a marriage where that expectation isn't going to be met.