On a Lost World
Sixty fifty-nine fifty-eight the mechanical sounding countdown was beginning in the small town of Bavaloon, the count towards lift off.
Hey, Schlo?
Yeah, what? Im a bit busy right now, Petunia. You know, with the launch and all
What do you think of this?
Of what? Schlo asked a bit annoyed, after all, forty-four, the launch has to be precise and on time. We wouldnt want another Lulom crash now do we?
Of this trip.
Um its fine? The two started talking, annoying each other like no other, just like two, long-time best friends would driving down Dreary Lane. This time though, there is no Lane, and no car. Everything is dependent on the computer and bumpy weather of the hour. Twenty-eight. The intercom came alive with a loud BUZZ.
Is everything alright in there, Menka?
Yes, Commander. The fridge is secured, the crew is strapped in, and all lights are still.
Very good then. You are about to lift off. Ten
Yes sir. Turning the intercom off, with light green eyes shouting Im ready, Menka warned the others. Get ready; this babys going to be off in just Five five seconds! Seatbelts snapped on everywhere, all systems are go. Four...three.
Here we go. he muttered. Two one...
Lets go! the crew shouted out in exhilaration. Just one more second and Blast off!
Finally! Schlo muttered.
Two years later
This is getting quite tedious, isnt it Schlo? Referring to the chores, Petunia asked red eyed.
Eh, better than wiping cow dung on a one-hundred degree morning, on the rooftop of the three story mansion. Saying Eh annoyed Petunia, and that was the goal. Patience was running out on aboard the UQSAS, along with food and fresh, organic fruit. Especially bananas. And speaking of bananas, these people are crazy! Menka joined in the conversation, a bit shaken up it seems.
Yeah, um, were about to crash. Calm, simple, and straight to the point, everyone set off toward the cockpit.
Mayday, mayday, alert 101. Anyone down there, do you copy?
No ones down there Petu, its a deserted world. Quite calling and lend a hand in getting this ship to land for Goodness sake! Infuriated, it was all Schlo could do to keep his voice down at a normal level.
Im comin, Im comin! Dark red lights are blinking on every button capable of emitting light. Menka, in his typical, freaky, type of way, started using his talents.
Sector A is sealed. B is leaking. his smooth voice was less than calming, both crewmates were fuming.
Ill get sector B. Schlo went ahead with his plan, ran downstairs, and tried to access sector B.
WHO LOCKED THE DOOR?! No response. Of course they shut it, the idiomaties! he muttered. Just a couple more whirls here and there and the ship was feeling unusually light right now. Dear Lord!
Schlo! Get back up here! Petu cried.
Why?! What about B? he demanded.
Leave it! Come up here for Gods sake!
Alright, alright! What else could go wrong? The ship is falling and sector B is loose. And it also happened to carry the air supply SWOOSH!
...A couple minutes later
Now that, THAT was weird. One minute Schlo was running up the stairs and next, well Schlo looked down at the green grass waiting for him, jeering at him, and even eyeballs joined in to laugh at him! Then he realized it.
This is no illusion! Indeed, hes stuck on a tree. And Menka? Petunia? Menka!!! silence Petunia!!! a cry!
Schlo! You in a tree too?
Of course Im in a tree! This is no donut! he snapped.
Whatever. Wheres Menka?
I dont know. Perhaps hes by those eyeballs!
Eeewwww. Petunia was disgusted by this place. Of all the places they could have appeared at, they appeared on top of a tree, surrounded by eyeballs and scorning, jeering grass. Oh great. And squirrels with little swords.
Are you coming? Ever the adventurer, Schlo was climbing down; he never could wait more than a second.
But, how? And what about the squirrels?
What squirrels?
Those ones. By the eyeball things. How could he miss them with their cute little weapons?
I dont see anything I see eyeballs and cows, but no squirrels.
Are you serious?! Theyre there! He didnt get it. Where oh where is Menka? The duo climbed down their respective trees, each cautiously avoiding the eyeballs, or cows, or whatever they were. The little things looked circular in shape, white with dark, brown patches all over them. Yes indeed, they had four tiny, scrawny legs, and perfectly appropriate tails swapping at bees. Squirrels were guarding these cow-eye things fiercely, eyes keen on watching the foreign giants appearing in the middle of the woods for no reason. These giants wore strange spheres on their heads, and some weird grass stuff on the bodies. Both spoke in languages never heard of before on this world, at first seemingly alarmed, then bickering, and now just plain annoying.
Menka!!
Louder Schlo, he wont hear you!
Will you just theres no correct word to describe what Schlo was feeling in his heart right now. It was somewhere between killing someone and eating fries. SHUSH!
You shush!
You look! Theyre communicating! That they were indeed, the little buggars were rubbing tails together, stopping once in a while to stare at these strangers among their woods.
Thats weird
I wonder what they are saying.
MEEENKAAAAA!
MMEEEENNKKAAAAAA!! Schlo shouted with everything he was capable of shouting with, from voice boxes to megaphones. He was getting angry; angry at Menka for his sudden disappearance, angry at Petu for her annoying attitude, and angry that he cant remember a single thing since they appeared in the trees, since somehow getting off the crashing ship. But this was neither the time, nor the place for anger. Besides, it was time for dinner; time is just flying by at this strange land.
Petu?
Hm? Petunia responded sweetly, eating some kind of sandwich.
Where on wherever we are did you get that?!
This ol thing? Oh, it was in my pocket. Remember that dehydrated sandwich pill I kept throwing at you aboard the ship? Well, this is it.
Oh.
Want one?
Of course I want one! What do you think I came here for? Pizza?! Schlo snapped.
Will you just calm down? Menkas prolly just waiting for night to come, so he can look for our fire. And with that, the whole issue was closed as far as Petunia was concerned. They set up a fire, and Schlo got his sandwich.
Five hours later
In the middle of the night the starts shone bright and stunning, never since leaving Earth has Schlo seen such a beautiful looking night. The wind picked up as well, finally, and the trees were swaying while the Sqeyrs, as they named the squirrels-looking-after-eyeballs, were continuing their careful guard of the prying cow-eyes.
*Cluck.* A walnut fell right next to Schlo, and cracked open. Nothing really unusual, walnuts tend to fall from trees after all. There were more important thought going through his mind anyway, something humanity has never grasped since its first cry of help. God was on his mind.
Why? he cried out softly. Things were above his head now; no longer was Schlo in charge of everything. Why would He make him go through all these things? And whats with the squirrels acting all strange?
WHY?! a little louder now, hoping the Heavens will hear somehow. But there was no answer tonight.
Schlo. Petu whispered.
What?
Do you hear that stirring noise? Listening, yes, there was a slight ruffle, a little clang, with just a touch of whine. Even a squirt of hiss or two.
Get your gun ready.
Roger that sir. cautiously, they waited. Ten minutes twenty minutes thirty minutes nothing.
Maybe theyre gone. Petunia commented with a shiver.
Shh...
What is i SLAM! Down one Sqeyr!
Theyre attacking Petu, shoot and run!
Got one!
Woooooohhooooo!!! Schlo did not have this much excitement since going to Tick Point when he was but eight. And even then, the roller coasters were quite boring.
Retreat! The duo army ran, shooting a Sqeyr and eyeball here and there, whenever one came in site. Vicious little beasts just loved to tear at hair apparently.
Dear Lord help us! Panted Schlo. Urging Petunia to follow suit, he continued. I promise Ill give up fame! The moon turned a bright, blood red. No? Ill go home and be good for the rest of my life! Even more attackers came at him; one of them getting him by his foot. Alright, alright! Ill go where You want me to go! I promise! And, with just a flash, everything disappeared. Slowly but surely objects began to appear, first a desk here, then a window there. Eventually the whole cockpit and, finally, Menka himself.
Menka, bro!
Welcome back Schlo, Petunia. Menka greeted with a slight, knowing smile and a Welcome Back nod. Where to next, Lord?
The story above is one I wrote for Creative Writing class, as well as all my other stories. Any criticism much appreciated, especially on the wording. I don't think I got the hang of this yet. For more "samples" check out my blog, if you can find it on CF, but I will post some of them once in a while. 
G-d bless,
sc
Sixty fifty-nine fifty-eight the mechanical sounding countdown was beginning in the small town of Bavaloon, the count towards lift off.
Hey, Schlo?
Yeah, what? Im a bit busy right now, Petunia. You know, with the launch and all
What do you think of this?
Of what? Schlo asked a bit annoyed, after all, forty-four, the launch has to be precise and on time. We wouldnt want another Lulom crash now do we?
Of this trip.
Um its fine? The two started talking, annoying each other like no other, just like two, long-time best friends would driving down Dreary Lane. This time though, there is no Lane, and no car. Everything is dependent on the computer and bumpy weather of the hour. Twenty-eight. The intercom came alive with a loud BUZZ.
Is everything alright in there, Menka?
Yes, Commander. The fridge is secured, the crew is strapped in, and all lights are still.
Very good then. You are about to lift off. Ten
Yes sir. Turning the intercom off, with light green eyes shouting Im ready, Menka warned the others. Get ready; this babys going to be off in just Five five seconds! Seatbelts snapped on everywhere, all systems are go. Four...three.
Here we go. he muttered. Two one...
Lets go! the crew shouted out in exhilaration. Just one more second and Blast off!
Finally! Schlo muttered.
Two years later
This is getting quite tedious, isnt it Schlo? Referring to the chores, Petunia asked red eyed.
Eh, better than wiping cow dung on a one-hundred degree morning, on the rooftop of the three story mansion. Saying Eh annoyed Petunia, and that was the goal. Patience was running out on aboard the UQSAS, along with food and fresh, organic fruit. Especially bananas. And speaking of bananas, these people are crazy! Menka joined in the conversation, a bit shaken up it seems.
Yeah, um, were about to crash. Calm, simple, and straight to the point, everyone set off toward the cockpit.
Mayday, mayday, alert 101. Anyone down there, do you copy?
No ones down there Petu, its a deserted world. Quite calling and lend a hand in getting this ship to land for Goodness sake! Infuriated, it was all Schlo could do to keep his voice down at a normal level.
Im comin, Im comin! Dark red lights are blinking on every button capable of emitting light. Menka, in his typical, freaky, type of way, started using his talents.
Sector A is sealed. B is leaking. his smooth voice was less than calming, both crewmates were fuming.
Ill get sector B. Schlo went ahead with his plan, ran downstairs, and tried to access sector B.
WHO LOCKED THE DOOR?! No response. Of course they shut it, the idiomaties! he muttered. Just a couple more whirls here and there and the ship was feeling unusually light right now. Dear Lord!
Schlo! Get back up here! Petu cried.
Why?! What about B? he demanded.
Leave it! Come up here for Gods sake!
Alright, alright! What else could go wrong? The ship is falling and sector B is loose. And it also happened to carry the air supply SWOOSH!
...A couple minutes later
Now that, THAT was weird. One minute Schlo was running up the stairs and next, well Schlo looked down at the green grass waiting for him, jeering at him, and even eyeballs joined in to laugh at him! Then he realized it.
This is no illusion! Indeed, hes stuck on a tree. And Menka? Petunia? Menka!!! silence Petunia!!! a cry!
Schlo! You in a tree too?
Of course Im in a tree! This is no donut! he snapped.
Whatever. Wheres Menka?
I dont know. Perhaps hes by those eyeballs!
Eeewwww. Petunia was disgusted by this place. Of all the places they could have appeared at, they appeared on top of a tree, surrounded by eyeballs and scorning, jeering grass. Oh great. And squirrels with little swords.
Are you coming? Ever the adventurer, Schlo was climbing down; he never could wait more than a second.
But, how? And what about the squirrels?
What squirrels?
Those ones. By the eyeball things. How could he miss them with their cute little weapons?
I dont see anything I see eyeballs and cows, but no squirrels.
Are you serious?! Theyre there! He didnt get it. Where oh where is Menka? The duo climbed down their respective trees, each cautiously avoiding the eyeballs, or cows, or whatever they were. The little things looked circular in shape, white with dark, brown patches all over them. Yes indeed, they had four tiny, scrawny legs, and perfectly appropriate tails swapping at bees. Squirrels were guarding these cow-eye things fiercely, eyes keen on watching the foreign giants appearing in the middle of the woods for no reason. These giants wore strange spheres on their heads, and some weird grass stuff on the bodies. Both spoke in languages never heard of before on this world, at first seemingly alarmed, then bickering, and now just plain annoying.
Menka!!
Louder Schlo, he wont hear you!
Will you just theres no correct word to describe what Schlo was feeling in his heart right now. It was somewhere between killing someone and eating fries. SHUSH!
You shush!
You look! Theyre communicating! That they were indeed, the little buggars were rubbing tails together, stopping once in a while to stare at these strangers among their woods.
Thats weird
I wonder what they are saying.
MEEENKAAAAA!
MMEEEENNKKAAAAAA!! Schlo shouted with everything he was capable of shouting with, from voice boxes to megaphones. He was getting angry; angry at Menka for his sudden disappearance, angry at Petu for her annoying attitude, and angry that he cant remember a single thing since they appeared in the trees, since somehow getting off the crashing ship. But this was neither the time, nor the place for anger. Besides, it was time for dinner; time is just flying by at this strange land.
Petu?
Hm? Petunia responded sweetly, eating some kind of sandwich.
Where on wherever we are did you get that?!
This ol thing? Oh, it was in my pocket. Remember that dehydrated sandwich pill I kept throwing at you aboard the ship? Well, this is it.
Oh.
Want one?
Of course I want one! What do you think I came here for? Pizza?! Schlo snapped.
Will you just calm down? Menkas prolly just waiting for night to come, so he can look for our fire. And with that, the whole issue was closed as far as Petunia was concerned. They set up a fire, and Schlo got his sandwich.
Five hours later
In the middle of the night the starts shone bright and stunning, never since leaving Earth has Schlo seen such a beautiful looking night. The wind picked up as well, finally, and the trees were swaying while the Sqeyrs, as they named the squirrels-looking-after-eyeballs, were continuing their careful guard of the prying cow-eyes.
*Cluck.* A walnut fell right next to Schlo, and cracked open. Nothing really unusual, walnuts tend to fall from trees after all. There were more important thought going through his mind anyway, something humanity has never grasped since its first cry of help. God was on his mind.
Why? he cried out softly. Things were above his head now; no longer was Schlo in charge of everything. Why would He make him go through all these things? And whats with the squirrels acting all strange?
WHY?! a little louder now, hoping the Heavens will hear somehow. But there was no answer tonight.
Schlo. Petu whispered.
What?
Do you hear that stirring noise? Listening, yes, there was a slight ruffle, a little clang, with just a touch of whine. Even a squirt of hiss or two.
Get your gun ready.
Roger that sir. cautiously, they waited. Ten minutes twenty minutes thirty minutes nothing.
Maybe theyre gone. Petunia commented with a shiver.
Shh...
What is i SLAM! Down one Sqeyr!
Theyre attacking Petu, shoot and run!
Got one!
Woooooohhooooo!!! Schlo did not have this much excitement since going to Tick Point when he was but eight. And even then, the roller coasters were quite boring.
Retreat! The duo army ran, shooting a Sqeyr and eyeball here and there, whenever one came in site. Vicious little beasts just loved to tear at hair apparently.
Dear Lord help us! Panted Schlo. Urging Petunia to follow suit, he continued. I promise Ill give up fame! The moon turned a bright, blood red. No? Ill go home and be good for the rest of my life! Even more attackers came at him; one of them getting him by his foot. Alright, alright! Ill go where You want me to go! I promise! And, with just a flash, everything disappeared. Slowly but surely objects began to appear, first a desk here, then a window there. Eventually the whole cockpit and, finally, Menka himself.
Menka, bro!
Welcome back Schlo, Petunia. Menka greeted with a slight, knowing smile and a Welcome Back nod. Where to next, Lord?
=====================================================
Ya know, I just found this forum. I think I'm going to get stuck here! The story above is one I wrote for Creative Writing class, as well as all my other stories. Any criticism much appreciated, especially on the wording. I don't think I got the hang of this yet. For more "samples" check out my blog, if you can find it on CF, but I will post some of them once in a while. G-d bless,
sc
