oh Please i need help really bad!!!

[stryper292002]

Oh please help me on this one.I have been married for about 6 years now.My wife and i have a 1 year old daughter too.When i met her she was an unbeliever but the Lord through the years softened her heart and she has been a christian.But the last few years she cares nothing or gets excited with anything with the Lord.I have been called to plant a church in Ireland and moving by the end of the year.We are so unequally yoked that im sick to my stomach just thinking about it.I am to be a pastor and i must live a perfect life for her to even think about following or being involved in anything.im unlike most men i talk about my feelings and spill my heart to her.She knows all about me but still holds back even the smallest problems.Does not like to talk to me and even says to me she is afraid and probably can never trust me just cause i get so hurt after all these years and she cant even share what most people in a 3 month relationship would have settled.And all things we have talked about she forgets and acts like she does not even care.She has no honesty passion or zeal for anything and she acts in the relationship like we have been together for a couple months not the progress i know we should have by now

help me please any advice is accepted

 

[seebs]

Sounds like you may be, unintentionally, placing a lot of pressure on her and making it stressful. You come across as a little confrontational, just from this one post; I'd think it might be a bit stressy for her to think you'd freak out if she didn't agree with you.

 

[Silent Enigma]

Do fun and relaxing things with your wife. Calm down. And don't assume that because you got an idea that it's God telling you to do something.

 

[stryper292002]

I understand that but hear me out.She has told me on many occasions that nothing excited her about anything every since the baby which was about 1 year ago since she had her.Nothing about Ireland or God or anything phases her like she is totally out of love with me.I know thats possible especially since its been 5 years

 

[WashedClean]

I understand that but hear me out.She has told me on many occasions that nothing excited her about anything every since the baby which was about 1 year ago since she had her.Nothing about Ireland or God or anything phases her like she is totally out of love with me.I know thats possible especially since its been 5 years

Hello Stryper ,

Sorry to hear about this... Could your wife be depressed? Would she see a Christian counselor or mental health professional? Maybe she needs to be evaluated in that way. Sounds like it. She certainly doesn't have the Joy of the Lord. Although this is not something that is always fixed. We all have our days where we are blue. I think there is more to your wife's mental state that what you've expressed.

How was her childhood? I'm not trying to analyze her, but you said she's felt this way her whole life.

I will pray for you and your wife.

In His Love,

WC

 

[WashedClean]

Sounds like you may be, unintentionally, placing a lot of pressure on her and making it stressful. You come across as a little confrontational, just from this one post; I'd think it might be a bit stressy for her to think you'd freak out if she didn't agree with you.

Seebs - when did you become an Atheist? You have an Atheist Icon by your name?? LOL now that's funny!

 

[stryper292002]

i dont know what your talking about i never put an atheist icon by my name now your funny lol

 

[cjba]

If you and your wife have noticed a difference in her since the baby was born, she should go see her doctor. She may have post parton depression. This is not uncommon for woman to get after they have a baby. Most people overcome this however, for some the affects simply grow with time.

 

[WashedClean]

i dont know what your talking about i never put an atheist icon by my name now your funny lol

Stryper - I was referring to Seebs about the Athiest comment.

I realized after I did that, that I was quite insensitive. This is a serious thread and I didn't mean to change the subject or make you feel slighted in any way. If I did, I sincerely apologize. :o

By the way, did you see my post prior to that? Is your wife depressed?

Please let us know how you're doing Stryper. Praying for you

WC

 

[Tangnefedd]

Your wife could well be depressed as has been suggested. The birth of a baby often leaves women feeling this way. She may well not want to leave her home for you to 'plant' a church in Ireland, which is an odd expression! I don't know what sort of church you want to 'plant', but do you have back up for this? I don't know where you come from, but Ireland if it is the South you are talking about, is a Catholic country and you could have a few problems. Your wife could be worried sick about you wanting to leave your home on what may seem like a whim to her!

You must not even think moving until you have got these serious problems with your marriage sorted out. You both need counselling imo.

 

[Mustaphile]

You must not even think moving until you have got these serious problems with your marriage sorted out. You both need counselling imo.

Agreed. Both of you need to seek proper counselling. The issue has been going on for so long it's going to be a complicated matter to resolve. The claims she is making in her defense need to be validated by yourself. That's the first step you need to take. Listen to her cry for help and take the time to give attention to her issues. As her husband she is part of your body, and when part of your body is not functioning properly you get it attended to. Tell your wife you have come to realise that the issue is beyond your ability to deal with and you would like her to come to counselling session with you, so that you can come to a better understanding of what her issues are and what part you are playing in them.

 

[rhino4u2000]

Oh please help me on this one.I have been married for about 6 years now.My wife and i have a 1 year old daughter too.When i met her she was an unbeliever but the Lord through the years softened her heart and she has been a christian.But the last few years she cares nothing or gets excited with anything with the Lord.I have been called to plant a church in Ireland and moving by the end of the year.We are so unequally yoked that im sick to my stomach just thinking about it.I am to be a pastor and i must live a perfect life for her to even think about following or being involved in anything.im unlike most men i talk about my feelings and spill my heart to her.She knows all about me but still holds back even the smallest problems.Does not like to talk to me and even says to me she is afraid and probably can never trust me just cause i get so hurt after all these years and she cant even share what most people in a 3 month relationship would have settled.And all things we have talked about she forgets and acts like she does not even care.She has no honesty passion or zeal for anything and she acts in the relationship like we have been together for a couple months not the progress i know we should have by now

help me please any advice is accepted

You will never be able to get results on your own dealing with your wife. Pray that God will allow you to see her as he sees her. Although you are on your way to becoming a preacher, you still won't be perfect in God's or your wife's eyesight..Our Father, The Holy Spirit, & Jesus are the only ones that will ever be perfect. Pray that you may be in unison with God's perfect will for your life..Remember every circumstance that we go through in our life are put there to make us stronger in Christ & closer to GOD. Without our daily struggles, we wouldn't need God, would we? Jesus came down to a place to set a perfect example, which he did!!!! He humbled himself to everyone because he knew he's only be here for a span...What I'm saying is that God knows your frustration & he knows how trapped you feel (without the proper support coming from your wife). Please continue to humble yourself because God is smiling down on you because he knows that you are still their by faith (knowing that he'll see you through)!! I will pray for you because the journey God has set for you is going to help many people..Right now, your feet are in the mud.....(because of your situation) God is about to to reign down on you in an awesome way!! All of the issues you are facing is because the devils wants you to worry about small things because he knows God is about to seriously use you..We're made in the likeness of Christ, we're kings & queens of this world..We have our foot on the devils head the same way Jesus did when he came to this earth!! Go get em!! You must leave it in God's hands...He's the one that gets in between to knead things in place. There is only so much that we can do in the flesh. The rest God has promised.....The Lord is my light & my salvation, why should I be afraid? The Lord protects me from danger, why should I tremble? (Ps.27:1)

 

[KleinerApfel]

Oh please help me on this one.I have been married for about 6 years now.My wife and i have a 1 year old daughter too.When i met her she was an unbeliever but the Lord through the years softened her heart and she has been a christian.But the last few years she cares nothing or gets excited with anything with the Lord.I have been called to plant a church in Ireland and moving by the end of the year.We are so unequally yoked that im sick to my stomach just thinking about it.I am to be a pastor and i must live a perfect life for her to even think about following or being involved in anything.im unlike most men i talk about my feelings and spill my heart to her.She knows all about me but still holds back even the smallest problems.Does not like to talk to me and even says to me she is afraid and probably can never trust me just cause i get so hurt after all these years and she cant even share what most people in a 3 month relationship would have settled.And all things we have talked about she forgets and acts like she does not even care.She has no honesty passion or zeal for anything and she acts in the relationship like we have been together for a couple months not the progress i know we should have by now

help me please any advice is accepted

Hello Stryper, you need a

you don't seem to have been back for a couple of weeks. Do you still need advice, or have things improved?

Take a deep breath, you might not like this, but I am worried enough to say it anyway.

In my opinion your wife alwost certainly has post-natal depression, and by the sound of it may have had a low-grade depression even before the baby.

I also get the feeling that you may have emotional problems too. It's hard to live with a depressed person. You need support in order to help her through this.

You say you "spill your heart" to your wife. This is not healthy if she's already feeling low. Moving house, even to a new country, away from all known security, from family and friends that might help her, is the last thing you should be pushing her to do now.

Do you have a male Christian friend/pastor/other similar person to support your own needs? If you don't have good spiritual support, I'd seriously question that call to ministry at the moment. Perhaps one day, but almost certainly not now.

Your first priority in serving God is actually to attend to your marriage - your wife's wellbeing, and then your child's, which are of course interconnected. Yes really - that's scriptural!
And you need them to be strong and supportive before you step out in this way.

You could do yourself, your family, and your flock untold damage if you force this along before the right time, God's time. He would not want to harm your marriage.

I do feel for you in this dilemma, and I hope I'm not being too hard on you. God bless you all, and guide you through all our advice and into to His own truth.

Susana

 

[pete56]

Good advice Susana

God bless you

 

[usatxmom]

Dear Stryper,

I'm so sad for her. That she has not felt joy or happiness for over a year is a terrible thing. Have you considered putting your move off until your wife is more stable? With a new baby, the stress is so great, especially if your darling wife is fighting post-partem(sp) depression.

Please forgive me for doling out advice, but I think you need to concentrate on your family during this troubling time. Moving is very stressful and moving out of country, away from all your wife knows, all her support systems of family and friends could very well destroy her emotionally and hurt your marriage beyond repair. Please pray and study the Bible on how you can best support your new baby and wife. You can spread the word of God right where you live and pursue other options when your family is heart and health happy.

With prayer and study, and listening to God, I'm sure you will make the best choice for your family.