Oh my! Caught drunk again!

[Quasar92]

The shame of it all, caught drunk again! A man staggered home late after another evening with his drinking buddies.

Shoes in left hand to avoid waking his wife, he tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step in the darkened entryway. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse].

A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.

Managing to suppress a yelp, he sprung up, pulled down his pants and examined his lacerated and bleeding cheeks in the mirror of a nearby darkened hallway, then managed to find a large full box of band aids before proceeding to place a patch as best he could on each place he saw blood.
After hiding the now almost empty box, he managed to shuffle and stumble his way to bed.

In the morning, he awakens with screaming pain in head and butt to find his wife staring at him from across the room, and hears her say: "You were drunk again last night!!!"

Forcing himself to ignore his agony, he looked meekly at her and replied: "Now Hon, why would you say such a mean thing?"

"Well," she said, "there is the front door left open, the glass at the bottom of the stairs, the drops of blood trailing through the house, and your bloodshot eyes but, mostly....it's all those band aids stuck on the downstairs mirror!"


Quasar92

 

[mark kennedy]

One Friday a man decides to stop into the local pub down the road from his house. He stays a little too long and is staggering home when he runs into the Pastor of his church. Gee Pastor, I'm sorry for you to see me in this condition. The Pastor says, 'God always sees you when your in this condition'. The man says, 'yea, but he is not a big blabber mouth that will go and tell the whole congregation'.

 

[mark kennedy]

A Pastor is supposed to be doing visitations and working on the church letter but decides to play golf instead. In heaven an angel tells the Lord, 'your servant is playing golf instead of tending to his duties as a minister'. The Lord says, 'Don't worry about it, I'll take care of it'. The Pastor tees up, wacks the ball, it soars through the sky, lands on the green, rolls in the cup, a perfect hole in one. The angel is livid, that's how you are taking care of it, you reward him with a hole in one? The Lord says hold on there, who's he going to tell?

 

[OldWiseGuy]

Jesus and Moses were playing golf. Moses hit his approach shot within a few inches of the cup. Jesus then hit a mean slice that flew into a tall tree and stuck in a crotch, whereupon a squirrel dislodged it and ran onto a nearby roof dropping ball which ran into the downspout and onto the lawn. A crow flew down and picked it up and dropped it on the edge of the green, where a raccoon picked up the ball and dropped it into the cup.

Annoyed, Moses says, "Are you going to play golf, or screw around".