Offer guidance

[BlessedBaptist]

My girlfriend and I have been dating for 1 year and 2 months. I'm 22 and she is 18. Lately We have been talking about getting married and buying a house. We are both christians, she helped lead me to the lord. Yesterday she suggested that we spend only a few days a week together, when we had been spending everyday together, so that she can figure out if i'm "the one". Should I be worried? Does anyone have advice on scripture i should read? I love her very much and I know she loves me. Her friends tell her about the fun they have at college and invited her up there. What do i do? If I know that she loves me should I sit back and let her get through this? Is there any way I can help it for me? Any help would be greatly appreciated. God Bless

 

[ahmunmun]

Don't forget that God is your world, not your girlfriend. I would say that although a couple needs to spend time together, they also need to spend time apart to build up their own relationship with God. This could be healthy for both of you. Try not to worry too much about this.

Also, if you love her, do wish for what is the best for her. Love is about putting the other person's interest above your own. Love is not selfish, as in thinking that the person has to be with me no matter what the circumstance is. Love is giving to the person even when there is nothing in return. What I am saying is that instead of thinking that she wants to spend less time with you, think of this is you giving her what she needs. ^^

Instead of suggesting a scripture, I would like to suggest a Christian relationship book. Have you read Boy Meets Girl by Joshua Harris? He's my favorite relationship author. Maybe the book could help you since you're in a relationship.

 

[bumblebee62331]

Hi

Others might interpret this differently but I say it's a good thing that she is asking for some time apart! This means she's seriously thinking about the relationship, where it's going and whether or not she wants this to be the real thing. She could easily just stay with you every day as you have been doing and keep going with that, then leave when she gets bored, but she's actually talked to you about having more space to figure out something as important and life-changing as you being "the One"!

Give her the space and while she is thinking, you do some thinking too. Make sure that you know she is The One, then when you come back together, your love will be stronger and the relationship .... stronger too

I can't help with scripture sorry, someone else may be able to.

As for her friends inviting her to college - if she has been spending heaps of time with you, she might just want to be with her friends for a few days. It's not that she wants to run screaming away from you, she just wants to be with some friends and be one her own for a while - we all need our alone time.

The best thing you can do right now is to support her and use the time wisely to think about your future with her and if this is really what you want. Then, if the relationship is "the One", you will come back together and keep moving on. Don't keep phoning her etc or pressure her into "making a decision". Give her some space but let her know that you are thinking of her and still there for her.

Why don't you go see some of your friends and enjoy yourself? Use the time apart to visit people you wouldn't have seen for a while, or who you might have put on the back burner while you were with your girlfriend. Don't think of it as a seperation - you are still dating, you're just not in the same place at the same time.

Hope this helped a little bit!

 

[Iceman_Aragorn]

beat me to it ahmunmun, i would have suggested the same book.

I also agree with the rest of what you said. There is no reason to worry about this. I too have had phases where I felt like "Wow, I want to spend every hour of every day with my gf, and that kinda scares me, so maybe we shouldn't spend so much time together!"... But she told me that thats just dumb and that theres nothing wrong with wanting to spend lots of time together, so I was set straight ;-)

By saying she wants to spend a bit of time apart to see if you are 'the one', she probably means she wants to see if she can spend a few days apart without missing you. If she can't, then you are probably the one. lol... but, uh.... dont quote me on that.

So basically, 1. yes thats a good book, and 2. dont be worried.

 

[BlessedBaptist]

Thank you, I got so caught up in it that i didn't look at it that way. I havent read that book but i will definatly get it.

 

[ahmunmun]

You know what? I like I Kissed Dating Goodbye better than Boy Meets Girl. I think it's because I'm single so I can relate to I Kissed Dating Goodbye better. But Boy Meets Girl repeats the main points of I Kissed Dating Goodbye so you can just read that.

Anyway, good luck to you! I will pray for you. Practically everyone who is involved in a relationship has faced this problem so even though I haven't been through it myself, I think I understand what it's like, just from hearing all the stories.

 

[loved]

Don't forget that God is your world, not your girlfriend. I would say that although a couple needs to spend time together, they also need to spend time apart to build up their own relationship with God. This could be healthy for both of you. Try not to worry too much about this.

Also, if you love her, do wish for what is the best for her. Love is about putting the other person's interest above your own. Love is not selfish, as in thinking that the person has to be with me no matter what the circumstance is. Love is giving to the person even when there is nothing in return. What I am saying is that instead of thinking that she wants to spend less time with you, think of this is you giving her what she needs. ^^

Instead of suggesting a scripture, I would like to suggest a Christian relationship book. Have you read Boy Meets Girl by Joshua Harris? He's my favorite relationship author. Maybe the book could help you since you're in a relationship.

Very good advice, keep Jesus as your centre and focus.

 

[BlessedBaptist]

*Update*
She has just told me that she wants to see other people but still go on dates with me. The first thing i did this time when she told me was talk to god. I could feel his spirit around me and i know what i need to do. I need to wait for her and keep encouraging her and my faith. Not to let either one of us get separated from god.

 

[Iceman_Aragorn]

Thats an excellent reaction.

However, I have difficulties with that... If someone wanted to try and develop feelings for someone else while they were involved with me....
I don't know, I just can't even understand the mindset and concept of dating more than one person.

 

[ChildOfGod20]

i'm sorry ur going through this. i'll pray for u. i'm glad ur staying focussed on God. that's what 's important. maybe this is a test to see if u will stay focussed on him? i don't think it's a good idea to date around though. if u like someone then u should get to know them. if u try to and u can't see urself with them then you can date someone else. but in my honest opinion i think dating different people is silly.

 

[BlessedBaptist]

I think in my mind the biggest problems she is struggleing with are her mother and sister both had children at the age of 17 and she is taking advice from them. Not to metion that her sister isn't really happy with the man she married because of the child. I feel that they are both trying to live their lives through her. The other problem is that I'm the only person that she has dated that she was serious about and she wants to make sure that i'm the man she wants in her life. I've decided to fast to bring myself closer to god, I haven't been taking my problems to him like i should have and he is guideing me to fast.

 

[bliz]

I think in my mind the biggest problems she is struggleing with are her mother and sister both had children at the age of 17 and she is taking advice from them. Not to metion that her sister isn't really happy with the man she married because of the child. I feel that they are both trying to live their lives through her. The other problem is that I'm the only person that she has dated that she was serious about and she wants to make sure that i'm the man she wants in her life. I've decided to fast to bring myself closer to god, I haven't been taking my problems to him like i should have and he is guideing me to fast.

I can understand why she is getting encouragement from family not to get married too soon. They may be trying to live their lives through her, or they may just be trying to offer her the wisdom they painfully gained through experience.

I think the latter concern is the more important one. You are the only guy she has ever dated. At such time as you would marry, you want her freely choosing to be with you, not worried that perhaps she settled becasue she does not know what else is out there. If she evaluates and decides that you are the one, or that you aren't, you win either way. It's a very sad thing to decide that you did not marry the right person after the wedding.

I think that you are very wise to seek God's face and to draw closer to him at this time.

 

[ahmunmun]

Very good advice, keep Jesus as your centre and focus.

Thanks, but I gave that advice before the OP posted the updates. I thought that if the girl was getting some alone time, then it would be good for her, but as the OP informed us, the girl wants to see other people.

I don't know what to say anymore. Seeing other people would definitely not help her develop her relationship with God. It would crowd her life. Not to mention she is hurting the OP. I'll keep praying for the OP... I don't want anyone on here to get hurt. There's been way too many tragic love stories in this forum.

 

[BlessedBaptist]

*UPDATE*

After both of us talking with God, then her and I talking, then us talking to God more, We are back together! We are going with the plan of seeing each other three days a week. That way we both have time to build our own relationship with God, build a relationship together with god, and see our friends we haven't seen in a while. Thank you all for your prayers and support, It's a great feeling knowing God is there to talk to and it's good to know that there are people out there to help direct you to god when you are stuggling. God bless you all.

 

[ChildOfGod20]

yay!!!