OCD and Fear that I unintentionally, mistakenly, unconsciously made vow.

[Armour_101]

I am in panic and fright feeling like I have made vow to, that I don't believe I made but my OCD tells me I have. I am generally afraid of making vow, in fact I am constantly battling in my head these compassion or feeling that my thoughts, words, prayers are vows when I don't intend them to be. The case I dealing with now I can even remember all teh details of my tough process at teh moment, but I know I was not talking to God I was simply thinking, and I did not intent to make a vow. when the thought came to mind that I had just made a vow, I immediately says, "no, this is not a vow, I am not making vow, I repeated that a few time. In fact I find myself having t says those words a lot. "no, I am not making vow" some time in conversation, I would have to washer those words under my breath because I feel like God might take my words and use them as a vow, so become I says thing or thing about future things I would preface them with those word, "this is not a vow nor promise" I am not sure if this is OCD or something else. I have this, for a long time general fear of vows, I see it to be very binding and I believe I have a overly strict view of God. I have battle with tis for a long time, but it seem to have reach a level of grave concern and is interrupting my life on a great level. can you make a vow to God without knowing? Can you make a vow to God and be unsure if you made a vow or not? can thinking to do something become a vow, even when you don't intend to make a vow? That is, will God take your personal thoughts and make them into a vow even when you are not speaking to him at the moment? I know this all sounds crazy, but thought I can see the craziness in this mentally and emotionally I am torn apart. I can logically see the truth, but at the same time I am conflicted inside and it generates fear. Give me some thoughts please

 

[NBB]

God knows our issues, he has lots of patience with us so don't be hard on yourself, he is not with a stick ready to punish, he wants to help.
And if we sin we can be forgiven. And we can try again to do things right.

 

[Mari17]

This is a very common obsession, and in fact I have had a similar one before! Are you currently getting help for your OCD, or have you in the past?

Here are a few resources that you might find helpful:
OCD and Scrupulosity Archives - ACCFS
Scrupulosity Articles - Scrupulosity.com
Christianity and Anxiety Disorders - Let's Talk | Facebook

 

[trophy33]

can you make a vow to God without knowing?

No.

Can you make a vow to God and be unsure if you made a vow or not?

No.

can thinking to do something become a vow, even when you don't intend to make a vow?

No.

That is, will God take your personal thoughts and make them into a vow even when you are not speaking to him at the moment?

No.

A vow is an intentional, conscious, ceremonial oath with a long term perspective. Its not a thought.

 

[OldAbramBrown]

... Give me some thoughts please

Very definite and clear no, He is not literal minded and His phenomenology has good boundaries.

God knows our issues, he has lots of patience with us so don't be hard on yourself, he is not with a stick ready to punish, he wants to help.
And if we sin we can be forgiven. And we can try again to do things right.

It doesn't even come to that.

 

[Armour_101]

THANKS FOR YOUR RESPONSE - I have another question please, Have patience with me.

I was in the hospital, during my time there I was on morphine, the medication caused me to have an hallucination. After this experience I was extremely terrified, I did not want to go to sleep again, fea, anxiety and panic grip me. I stayed up all the next day fighting not to go to sleep because I did not want to wake up in that hallucination state again. Later that evening this terrible fear of death came over me, I was there for a while scared, I truly thought I was going to die. While I was in this state my mind went across a particular challenges I have in my relationship with my organisation (I am a pastor, we sometime have different approach in and to ministry, I can elaborate if you want). With the thought I would certainly die that night, I begin to ask God's forgiveness where I might be wrong in that relationship, then it felt like I was COMPELLED to say "not if I am wrong but to says defiantly I am wrong" so I said I am wrong, forgive me. (I can't clearly recall if I aid I repent). immediately after I said I am wrong, forgive me, it was like this voice in my head or my mind says to me you just made a vow. I responded by saying, no I did not, I am asking for forgiveness. I probably said "no I did not" to this fearful thought that I had just made avow, two or three time. However since than I have been unable to break the fear that I made a vow. I was not intending on making a vow, I was not even thinking about making a vow, I did not want to make a vow. I mean I was not asking God to live or nothing like that, I was sure I would die so there was no asking God to let me live. I was sure I would die. Also I made no bargain with God to let me live and i'll do this or that....." I just have this fear now like I made a vow, made a vow to do exactly what I cannot exactly says, made a vow that I had no intentions of making. I feel like God took my prayer and turned it into a vow without me wanting it to be one. I know this all sound a bit crazy, but it has me anxious. Just to put this out there as well, I have this general fear of making vow, his is not the first time during my praying time, either my mind or something else would tell me I just made a vow and I'll have to says, "No I am not" but this time it seems to be very difficult to shake. I feel because I said I am wrong, even thought deep down inside I don't really believe I am, I believe maybe there is a little on both side. But that night I felt COMPELLED to says I was wrong. I am not sure what's going on, whether this is my OCD, I have been FIGHTING intrusive obsessive thought centred around making vows for years now, but it feel like finally one got me and I can't shake it. Will God take want I said as a vow even thought I did not intend, wanted, desire nor was seeking to make a vow? I made no solemn promise to do anything, since my only thought was I am going to do. I was preparing to die. Now I do't know what to do, I thought are telling me I have made an open vow to do whatever the organisation said, without question, even if I disagree, make me feel like I have made myself a slave. I mean I have in my christian life said payer of confusion or repentance a different time, but never before have I felt like God took it as vow. Again, I reiterate, I am terrified of vow, even saying the word scares me. I also believe I have to stick a view of God and lastly I overthink too much. I believe vows to be very binding, so I have tried always to stay away from the, even thought my OCD is always pressing me to make one or the other.

What is a a biblical definition of vow?

Some Good Christian wisdom would be very helpful here, thanks

 

[Armour_101]

two corrections to my post :
In the sixth line before the last where I have "thought I was going to do" it should read, "thought I was going to die"

where have confusion on the fourth line before the last, it should be confession.

 

[Armour_101]

This is a very common obsession, and in fact I have had a similar one before! Are you currently getting help for your OCD, or have you in the past?

Here are a few resources that you might find helpful:
OCD and Scrupulosity Archives - ACCFS
Scrupulosity Articles - Scrupulosity.com
Christianity and Anxiety Disorders - Let's Talk | Facebook

I am seeking help now, working with a psychotherapist

 

[NBB]

I am seeking help now, working with a psychotherapist

You could try to go to a church that deals with spiritual problems, i had intrusive thoughts and God helped.

 

[OldAbramBrown]

I am seeking help now, working with a psychotherapist

I see you have pastoring experience; you have been in proximity with certain types of essentialist concept (the word was the thing) and lack of sound phenomenology (questioning individuality in experience, and that includes but is not only psychology).

Some "thoughts" are like some benign eye floaters, or specks of dust. Just let them dance by because they don't have to be yours if you don't want. Mental excitement randomly takes "symbolic" shape of concepts one recalls or half recalls out of context (the God-intended nature of the central nervous system).

To supplement your therapy, expose yourself through reading or videos or personal visits to widely different concepts of pastoring. Park Street Church in Boston, Massachussetts have a nice easy going series of video sermons (I've only listened to a few of them so I'm partly going on "ambience").