Obsessive Behaviour--a rant with some questions

[HoosierCanuck]

Hello! I haven't been here for awhile. Hope everyone is doing alright. I'm sorry this will be long....

Here it is the weekend of father's day and for the first time in my 34 years I'm not looking forward to it. No, my dad is still alive...physically. However, mentally I'm not so sure....

He is a Christian man (well, he says he's saved, reads his Bible and prays daily and attends church). He is also a VERY LONELY man who is obsessed with a woman who has made it obvious to everyone that she is not interested in him for anything more than an aquaintance/friend. He's known her for about 9 years. Two years ago she got divorced but he wasn't aware of this until last Christmas. Ever since then he goes to her workplace (she's a waitress), drives by her house, makes her CD's with special music on them and constantly talks about her. Last month he even saw this woman with another man and claimed that he was 'over' her but I have since found out otherwise. The whole family thinks he needs help (shrink) but he says he doesn't. He says things like "God can put it in her mind that I am irresistible. I'm not giving up on this." He claims God has told him to get in shape (lose weight, etc..) so he can 'be ready.' He has lost over 40 pounds since February. At the same time, he talks of not wanting to be in an 'unequally yoked' relationship but he doesn't think this woman is saved. He says he needs to 'get her and her son saved.' He will even tell her he's praying for them (and she apparently doesn't seem impressed by this) He gets depressed and I've even seen him break down and nearly cry when he talks about this woman. He says he's cried a lot in the last three months over the situation. I say he is a desperate man and it breaks my heart to see this. I can't stand to visit him anymore because I just want to shake him and say 'wake up!' This is very painful for me because I was always close to my dad growing up.

Has anyone ever had a loved one this messed up over someone? Has anyone themselves ever been here? What finally 'solved' the situation?

 

[desi]

Maybe God is talking to him.

 

[lilray]

I don't know what to tell ya.. that's a tough one. Of course, pray for him. That's probably all you can do.

 

[HoosierCanuck]

Maybe God is talking to him.

Do you think God would allow him to be so miserable he literally cries? What about his behaviour that borders on stalking? I can't imagine God pushing him to keep acting like a moron.

You're right...praying is all I can do.

 

[desi]

Throughout the Bible God had alot of people doing alot of odd things, he even had a fellow building an ark on dry land! It could be God or his own illusion, who's knows?

 

[HoosierCanuck]

Throughout the Bible God had alot of people doing alot of odd things, he even had a fellow building an ark on dry land! It could be God or his own illusion, who's knows?

More like de-lusion. I spent time with him as it was Father's Day. We went to the restaurant in question and of course, SHE was there working. They spoke briefly. However, it's obvious to me that she is not interested in him. What's even more frustrating is the fact that he was all but drooling watching her at other tables but then when we're talking after we left the restaurant he says "I'm not insane enough to get mixed up with her." HUH????

Also, he had my sister take pictures of this woman with her camera phone without this woman having knowledge of it. Now to me, that's not God. That's just downright creepy!

I'm not trying to attack here, just spelling out the facts as I've seen/experienced them. The whole situation breaks my heart. I really think dad has mental issues but he refuses to believe that.

 

[lilray]

HoosierCanuck - Being that you like the Cubs too, I hate to see you hurting like this! Maybe don't take it so seriously!??! Could you joke around with your dad about his "drooling"?!?! Buy him a bib and tell him to keep the drooling under control next time your at that restaurant.

 

[LionOfJudah]

i once had a teacher tell me that its not the fans fault that they love the cubs, its like a genetic diese or something. Coming from a ST Lious fan ( lol )


me myself, go mets, i dont even watch baseball but i will blindly cheer for them since they where the name of my 4th grade baseball team LOL

 

[HoosierCanuck]

Thanks lilray. I did try a little joking with him Sunday afternoon. Unfortunately, he seemed to get all depressed and said things like "I can see it in her eyes. She doesn't have that spark. She's not interested in me." Then a few minutes later after I've made some comments he said "I'm not dumb enough to get mixed up with her. I'm not lusting after her. I just want a companion." I'm sorry but the looks I saw on his face watching her were not looks you'd give someone you only wanted to be friends with. He never even looked at his former wife that way! I just think he's going about everything all wrong and scaring her off. I mean, for Valentine's he sent her a dozen red roses, he's sent her more than 10 cd's he's made of various songs along with notes. He's living in a fantasy world and she's the love of his life in this world. It's an obsession and it's scary because he's justifying his behaviour by saying 'God is talking to him.'

 

[lilray]

i once had a teacher tell me that its not the fans fault that they love the cubs, its like a genetic diese or something. Coming from a ST Lious fan ( lol )

LOL.. funny!!

Although, Cubs are one game away from taking over the #1 seat.. AND Sammy's back + Kerry Wood is coming back! St. Louis betta watchout! CUBS 2004!!!

 

[lilray]

Thanks lilray. I did try a little joking with him Sunday afternoon. Unfortunately, he seemed to get all depressed and said things like "I can see it in her eyes. She doesn't have that spark. She's not interested in me." Then a few minutes later after I've made some comments he said "I'm not dumb enough to get mixed up with her. I'm not lusting after her. I just want a companion." I'm sorry but the looks I saw on his face watching her were not looks you'd give someone you only wanted to be friends with. He never even looked at his former wife that way! I just think he's going about everything all wrong and scaring her off. I mean, for Valentine's he sent her a dozen red roses, he's sent her more than 10 cd's he's made of various songs along with notes. He's living in a fantasy world and she's the love of his life in this world. It's an obsession and it's scary because he's justifying his behaviour by saying 'God is talking to him.'

Wow! Your right... your dad's kinda lost it over this lady?!?!?! I'm sorry.. I know you feel embarrassed for him. It seems like there's really nothing you can say, he's gotta see on his own. I'm glad you can joke around with him about it. Once he actually realizes how silly his crush is.. this is some serious laugh material. I mean.. 10 cd's of love songs?!?!??! 10!!!! I'd go nuts just trying to fill up 10 cd's with nothing but love songs.

In the meantime.. I will say a prayer for your dad and for you. Stay strong, sister!

 

[HoosierCanuck]

Thanks. That means a lot. I know what you mean about the cds! lol! Speaking of that...before we left the restaurant he asked her if she'd listened to them and she said 'not all of them..just bits and pieces.' After we left he seemed preoccupied about this and said "she doesn't even listen to them." I was like "well, she babysits several children in the morning and then drives over to this town to work a second job as a waitress...she probably hasn't had time!" I don't think all of the songs have been necessarily 'love' songs. I know some of them have just been songs by people he knows she likes. Nonetheless....who has time to listen to at least 10 cds??? I think it's more than 10....may be more like 20 or more. Also, he keeps a notebook with comments in it as to when he saw her and stuff. I 'nibbed' through it one day while he was gone and in it he wrote that she had said to him quote "you scare me" because he said he had come in there because he needed to hear her voice. I just know he's been in this weird manic state of up and down (mostly down) since all this has started. I feel bad for him and hate to avoid him because he needs support but man, to be honest, he's getting on my nerves big time. I guess I'm not very patient with things like this. Other members of the family aren't either. My younger sister and my uncle have both told him they can't stand this woman. I think in our own ways we've all tried to help him 'see the light' about the situation but nothing's working. He says he had even 'prayed that God will take her off his mind' but with each prayer it seems his feelings get stronger.