My husband is threatening to throw me out of the apartment because I refuse to go on ignoring his drug problem. I have no job, no degree, no friends, no family...Nowhere to stay, and no way to get one.
I want so much for him to choose me over the drugs and for our marriage to work out, but at this point I'm having doubts that is going to happen. I need a contingency plan, and I need one very badly. I just have no idea what to do or where to start.
Is it even legal for him to kick me out if my name is on the lease? I know he's not obligated to keep paying the rent, but that would at least buy me a little time to make a last ditch attempt to find a job and a place I could afford on minimum wage. I would talk to a lawyer or something about it, but I obviously can't afford to.
And if I do get thrown out, where do I go? I know I wouldn't last long on the streets here.
I'm so afraid.
First, no, it's not legal for him to throw you out but realize that doesn't mean it doesn't happen. A lot depends on whether you actually have enough backbone to do what it takes of if you will just cry and wait for someone to fix things.
Here would be your basic back up plan. You would go to court (you don't even need a lawyer for this) and you get a temporary restraining order. They are issued automatically for a short time in domestic situations. That would throw him out and mean he was not to have contact with you. Keep a copy of the order with you, if he shows up immediately call the police.
Then the court sets a time for a hearing on a permanent order. Usually that would be within 10 days of your initial restraining order.
At that hearing you lay out your case. You say where he is chosing the drugs over you. That he is threatening just to throw you out. That you don't have a degree or anything. You ask for a permanent no contact order. You ask for the court to require him to pay the rent and pay you something for support. Not forever of course, but for enough time to get you on your feet without him.
And then you get busy getting where you can support yourself. Matter of fact, it sounds like you should be working on that now anyway. If you have a computer things like getting a certificate for say Microsoft Office can make you very employable and you can get one for some work and not much money.
If things turn real ugly there are shelters and such but hopefully you won't need to go to one. Any town of any size has a hotline you can call about your situation and they will tell you what is available locally and give you some advice. They can certainly tell you for instance how to get a restraining order in your local. They might even be able to refer you to some free legal aid.
If they are alive do not discount your parents. If your relationship hasn't been the best it's likely because they've been trying to warn you about your decisions and you want to be your own boss. In any case, most of the parents I know would prefer to help their daughter get away from some drug using guy that's no good rather than see her on the street. There is more than likely people in your church willing to help as well if they simply know. Go to your pastor, lay it all out and ask him for advice and help. It might take eating some humble pie, but that isn't really so bad, it just seems like it would be.
I should point out that what we both are hoping for in all this is for him to wake up and realize that he is screwing up his whole life over the drugs and for him to get help and such getting away from them. It's just that sometimes such guys need a hit over the head with a 2x4 to realize it. You aren't doing him any favor if you let him continue. But it's really tough to put your foot down and say no, this cannot continue.
He is already making your marriage conditional. He is really breaking your covenant by putting the drugs first. Likely he would say he doesn't mean those things but then he shouldn't say such hurtful things. If he ends up spending some time in jail thinking about it before this is over that too might help him. He doesn't sound like a hardened criminal yet, but he's heading that way.
As for whether to call the police and turn him in for the drugs. I really don't know. I'd probably save that one for if the two of you ever get back together that he can know the next time that's where you start.
It's quite a step for him because likely his "friends" are encouraging his drug use. He needs new friends, and an understanding that friends that encourage drug usage are actually enemies.
Marv
