Once I asked god to make me a humble man, and if you've read any of my posts, that probably not how you would describe me, despite some really good efforts from God. Although, now (the last few years) I think he's finally got my pride and self righteousness under the right button.. and it keeps me seriously at bay... Although I feel like I'm about to be chrushed most of the time.
Background:
I met the girl of my dreams for the first time about 5 years ago in an angry fit after coming off another bad relationship... She always said: "When I met him I knew he was the one" Well, it took a couple of Dates to convince me, but after I made my desision to love her I fell in love. Even after the many hardships we've endured. (which is the reason I'm writing)
It started a few months after we started dating. I got a phone call from her mother, saying that she was brought to the hospital, and the paramedics had to revive her acouple of times. So with no more information than that I hop into my junker and headed off to the hospital. I got there and was met by the grimaces of her immediately family (mom, dad, brother) for the first time, and no one would tell me what was going on except that she was ok and wanted to talk to me... so, I politely sat there quietly amidst various stares and corner of the eye leers...
after what must have been an hour, then finally I was told I could see her. when I arrived to her curtain she was in tears and it look like she had been crying for a while.. So after a breif hug "her dad was there" I asked what the **** was going on? and what's with all the seceretcy? She looked at me for a while and told me that the reason she was brought there was because she over dosed (OD'ed) from too much heroin.....
As I stood there blankly as what I can only describe as a scene from a movie, I didn't know what to say.. I didn't know what to do.... So after I woke from my daze I relized I was asking basic damage asessment questions like: how much how long, why now, who supplied you.. that sort of thing... and kinda from there the rest of the night was a blur. but basically. she was a user since she was 19 is was 27 at the time. she had been clean for nearly a year when she met me, and the reason why? well she met a couple of friends after work when she was sitting outside the doctors office where she work, and was waiting for her mom to pick her up. (I was supposed to but I had to prove to the guys I wasn't whipped already, and i played basketball with them...which was what I was doing when I got the call)...
to sum up the next two years I think we had one or two incidents, and then I talked it over with her mother and we both decided to get her out of that neighborhood and move her to my house 20 miles away. (in attempt to get her out of a bad environment.. wasn't really a bad neighborhood just alot of bad people) We might of had one other incident ("incidents" aren't trips to the hospital but getting caught by me or mom using) and that was supposed to be because of the Novocaine on the 4000 dollars worth of dental reconstruction she went thru before the wedding (not hill billy teeth but not perfect either ) then we got married, and man did we have an unforgettable honey moon!!! we went on a cruise thru the cara-be-an for a week.. (just as Iraq-ey freedom started) and there was time, I wish I was there, instead of my honeymoon.. we fought 70% of the time we were together and awake.. She drank more "Drinks" in a night that I think I did on the entire trip. Wow! what an awsome thing to learn about your bride on the 3 or 4th night you were together. I don't want to go into a bunch of negative details.. but let's just say it wasn't quite what i expected..
when we got home she went to see her mom and came home the "girl" i fell in love with. After a couple of weeks I found out she was using again... not really again, but for the whole time.
What is the whole time? i'm not sure exactly, but I do know she was using when I thought she was clean. And to those of you who haven't been or even have been exposed to this drug or others like it "drink as well" may not understand how you can know someone for 2 years and not know if there using. Everything is backwards. when she is well acts normally goes to work on time comes home talks about her day goes to church is involved in activities and such.. that's when she's "high" When she sleeps restlessly, can't sleep at all "Without meds" can't get up in the morning, doesn't want to be apart of anything, has a hard time connecting, or even talking.. that's when she's clean... So the girl I knew for a year and was engaged for a year was a shell worn by this drug.
Well, after that we "Family and I" put her into rehab for 28 days.. "2 or 3 months after our wedding" we spent another 6 or seven months trying to get to know each other again (She was clean the whole time) It was very difficult for me and her...(You know what paul said should be the only reason we should get married right?? Well, that's why I did!) and evedently that's not a priority or even one of the 12 steps.. (If not for the time we spent together before we were married I would seriously be devastated in this relationship.. I know what scripture says and I'm not advocating it at all. really that just become a side issue...
the main issue is that when she laps into her drug use she's....pawned everything we owned from under my nose, she's devoted entire paychecks for months at a time, she's mislead me into thinking we were helping support her mom and brother at one time or another (they thought they were doing the same for us) another long story short she's put this drug first in her life many many times in the two years we've been married and sometimes it's months before i catch her and others weeks but no matter the help (All of it meetings sponcers, consulers, elders from church, friends, family,addiction specialist, marriage counselors... just all of it) doesn't work.. right now we are seeing a marriage counselor, a regular christian conslor and addiction conslor, and a MD who specializes in addictions. all with out medical insurance...
I thought it was all worth it because we've been clean since the first of the year, and then tuesday she confess to me she bought and used monday....
So I say again... Now what????????????
She is making progress, she came to me but what do we do now?
Before you kind hearted souls reply with a ton of scripture just know that we both know what she is doing is wrong that's not in dispute, and you and i know that scriptures arn't majic spells you can't just leave them on a door step to chase off "demons", and We don't need a bunch of links to treatment facilities in your area or ours we can't afford another 15,000 dollar waist of time anyway. not to be proud in my greatest moment of weakness, but that is the typical response to someone who wants to do something but has no life experience to back it up.. I've been on this road nearly 5 years and I'm getting tired of separating wheat and weeds. We've spend a fortune on bad/unfruitful seed and don't want anymore.So if you want to do something and really don't know what or if your tempted to unload your concordance... just take your effort and apply it in prayer... not that I hate what the bible says, I just know that it is what you say on my behalf to the father will bear more fruit "the prayers of the righteous" than another collection of "inspirational" scripture.
Thanks and god bless
Background:
I met the girl of my dreams for the first time about 5 years ago in an angry fit after coming off another bad relationship... She always said: "When I met him I knew he was the one" Well, it took a couple of Dates to convince me, but after I made my desision to love her I fell in love. Even after the many hardships we've endured. (which is the reason I'm writing)
It started a few months after we started dating. I got a phone call from her mother, saying that she was brought to the hospital, and the paramedics had to revive her acouple of times. So with no more information than that I hop into my junker and headed off to the hospital. I got there and was met by the grimaces of her immediately family (mom, dad, brother) for the first time, and no one would tell me what was going on except that she was ok and wanted to talk to me... so, I politely sat there quietly amidst various stares and corner of the eye leers...
after what must have been an hour, then finally I was told I could see her. when I arrived to her curtain she was in tears and it look like she had been crying for a while.. So after a breif hug "her dad was there" I asked what the **** was going on? and what's with all the seceretcy? She looked at me for a while and told me that the reason she was brought there was because she over dosed (OD'ed) from too much heroin.....
As I stood there blankly as what I can only describe as a scene from a movie, I didn't know what to say.. I didn't know what to do.... So after I woke from my daze I relized I was asking basic damage asessment questions like: how much how long, why now, who supplied you.. that sort of thing... and kinda from there the rest of the night was a blur. but basically. she was a user since she was 19 is was 27 at the time. she had been clean for nearly a year when she met me, and the reason why? well she met a couple of friends after work when she was sitting outside the doctors office where she work, and was waiting for her mom to pick her up. (I was supposed to but I had to prove to the guys I wasn't whipped already, and i played basketball with them...which was what I was doing when I got the call)...
to sum up the next two years I think we had one or two incidents, and then I talked it over with her mother and we both decided to get her out of that neighborhood and move her to my house 20 miles away. (in attempt to get her out of a bad environment.. wasn't really a bad neighborhood just alot of bad people) We might of had one other incident ("incidents" aren't trips to the hospital but getting caught by me or mom using) and that was supposed to be because of the Novocaine on the 4000 dollars worth of dental reconstruction she went thru before the wedding (not hill billy teeth but not perfect either ) then we got married, and man did we have an unforgettable honey moon!!! we went on a cruise thru the cara-be-an for a week.. (just as Iraq-ey freedom started) and there was time, I wish I was there, instead of my honeymoon.. we fought 70% of the time we were together and awake.. She drank more "Drinks" in a night that I think I did on the entire trip. Wow! what an awsome thing to learn about your bride on the 3 or 4th night you were together. I don't want to go into a bunch of negative details.. but let's just say it wasn't quite what i expected..
when we got home she went to see her mom and came home the "girl" i fell in love with. After a couple of weeks I found out she was using again... not really again, but for the whole time.
What is the whole time? i'm not sure exactly, but I do know she was using when I thought she was clean. And to those of you who haven't been or even have been exposed to this drug or others like it "drink as well" may not understand how you can know someone for 2 years and not know if there using. Everything is backwards. when she is well acts normally goes to work on time comes home talks about her day goes to church is involved in activities and such.. that's when she's "high" When she sleeps restlessly, can't sleep at all "Without meds" can't get up in the morning, doesn't want to be apart of anything, has a hard time connecting, or even talking.. that's when she's clean... So the girl I knew for a year and was engaged for a year was a shell worn by this drug.
Well, after that we "Family and I" put her into rehab for 28 days.. "2 or 3 months after our wedding" we spent another 6 or seven months trying to get to know each other again (She was clean the whole time) It was very difficult for me and her...(You know what paul said should be the only reason we should get married right?? Well, that's why I did!) and evedently that's not a priority or even one of the 12 steps.. (If not for the time we spent together before we were married I would seriously be devastated in this relationship.. I know what scripture says and I'm not advocating it at all. really that just become a side issue...
the main issue is that when she laps into her drug use she's....pawned everything we owned from under my nose, she's devoted entire paychecks for months at a time, she's mislead me into thinking we were helping support her mom and brother at one time or another (they thought they were doing the same for us) another long story short she's put this drug first in her life many many times in the two years we've been married and sometimes it's months before i catch her and others weeks but no matter the help (All of it meetings sponcers, consulers, elders from church, friends, family,addiction specialist, marriage counselors... just all of it) doesn't work.. right now we are seeing a marriage counselor, a regular christian conslor and addiction conslor, and a MD who specializes in addictions. all with out medical insurance...
I thought it was all worth it because we've been clean since the first of the year, and then tuesday she confess to me she bought and used monday....
So I say again... Now what????????????
She is making progress, she came to me but what do we do now?
Before you kind hearted souls reply with a ton of scripture just know that we both know what she is doing is wrong that's not in dispute, and you and i know that scriptures arn't majic spells you can't just leave them on a door step to chase off "demons", and We don't need a bunch of links to treatment facilities in your area or ours we can't afford another 15,000 dollar waist of time anyway. not to be proud in my greatest moment of weakness, but that is the typical response to someone who wants to do something but has no life experience to back it up.. I've been on this road nearly 5 years and I'm getting tired of separating wheat and weeds. We've spend a fortune on bad/unfruitful seed and don't want anymore.So if you want to do something and really don't know what or if your tempted to unload your concordance... just take your effort and apply it in prayer... not that I hate what the bible says, I just know that it is what you say on my behalf to the father will bear more fruit "the prayers of the righteous" than another collection of "inspirational" scripture.
Thanks and god bless
