Now I know why....

[nyj]

... so few people seek annulments. Seven pages of essays detailing not only my life but the attitudes of my family, analysis of my marriage, my courtship with my ex-wife, why the marriage failed, and then an outside analysis of her own family life. Ugh.

 

[ej]

I know it's not your thing, but I want to give you a great big cyber-cuddle and kiss.

I don't understand how horrid it must be, I can only imagine. And it isn't a nice thought.

 

[boughtwithaprice]

didn't know you were seeking annulment nyj, my prayers are with you.
I was divorced while a protestant and did not have to get annulment, because the catholic church did not recognize the marriage. I have now been married for 11yrs to a catholic wife; its worth it, press on friend.
Jerome

 

[ukok]

... so few people seek annulments. Seven pages of essays detailing not only my life but the attitudes of my family, analysis of my marriage, my courtship with my ex-wife, why the marriage failed, and then an outside analysis of her own family life. Ugh.

Can i share this thread with you nyj...

Last night the Preist cornered me at RCIA ( well, not exactly cornered me, but there wasn't much dodging to be done)...asked me whether or not i was married, how long I had been divorced, how many children.....asked if i had been married before...said an anullment shouldn't be a problem, because although the ex had been maried before, I hadn't ( The lovely Priest doesn't know about all the other terrible things i have done yet though ...).

anyway, he said 'easy', now you got me worried. Good luck with the form filling.


P.S...edited to say, i'm sure my 'thing' won't be as complicated because we did not marry in a Catholic Church...still not looking forward to the proceedure though.

 

[Rising_Suns]

... so few people seek annulments. Seven pages of essays detailing not only my life but the attitudes of my family, analysis of my marriage, my courtship with my ex-wife, why the marriage failed, and then an outside analysis of her own family life. Ugh.

Hey NYJ,
I'm sorry to hear of your frustrations, and I will pray that everything unfolds so as to please God and His will for you. Since you have been looking into the annulment process, do you happen to know off hand the points/areas in a marriage that the church looks for in order to asseses and validate an annulment?

 

[geocajun]

do you happen to know off hand the points/areas in a marriage that the church looks for in order to asseses and validate an annulment?

I found some stuff that might address your question:
Before I answer some common questions about annulments, let me describe the three forms in which a marriage can be nullified:

1. The most common case for a declaration of nullity is a Lack of Canonical Form (Canon Law 1108-1123). In a lack of canonical form a marriage that ended in a divorce can be annulled if the Catholic party to the marriage was married outside of the Church and the Catholic party did not receive a dispensation from the Church to marry or if the marriage was not conducted by a lawfully delegated priest or deacon and in the presence of 2 witnesses.
   
2. What most people think of an annulment is declared in one of two ways:
   1. Impediments to Marriage (Canon Law 1073-1094) - an impediment is a circumstance which renders the marriage invalid of illicit
      • Age 16 yrs old for a man and 14 yrs old for a woman
      • Impotence - the inability to engage in normal intercourse in a human manner (present before the exchange of vows and permanent)
      • Prior valid bond - a person was already married before this marriage.
      • Disparity of Cult - a Catholic marries a non-baptized person without the required dispensation.
      • Sacred Orders - a priest, deacon or bishop cannot marry
      • Public perpetual vow of chastity in a religious institute
      • Abduction
      • Crime - if you murder your spouse to marry another, your new marriage in invalid
      • Kinship - the laws of consanguinity: you cannot be related by blood in a direct line (parents & children) in a collateral line to the 4th degree (brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, cousins) affinity in the direct line (mother and father-in-laws), children from spouses previous marriage
      • adoption
      • public propriety
   2. Lack of Consent (Canon Law 1095-1107) - a majority of marriage nullity cases are a lack of proper consent at the time of the exchange of marriage vows. According to Canon law consent makes marriage. Where there is a failure on the part of one of both parties to give complete consent required by law, the marriage is invalid. There are 3 categories:
      1. Defects of Consent
         • Lack of Reason
         • Grave Lack of Discretion of Judgment
         • Incapacity to assume the obligations of marriage due to reasons of a psychological nature
      2. Defects of Knowledge
         • Ignorance (do not know what marriage is about)
         • Error (marry the wrong twin or marry someone because you think she is pregnant or he is the father of your child)
         • Fraud - a person is deceived into marriage
         • Simple error -error about the unity, indissolubility or sacramental dignity of marriage which affect the relationship between the couple.
      3. Defects of the Will
         • Simulation - marrying someone to get into the country or refusing to have children or have sex.
         • Force and Grave Fear - forced into a marriage
         • Conditional Consent - based on a condition about the future.
3. Pauline Privilege - from St. Paul: 2 non-baptized people marry. One becomes a Christian and the other spouse refuses to let the Christian spouse to practice his/her faith. The marriage can be dissolved. Must be appealed to the Pope.

http://www.immconch.org/quest/annulment.htm

 

[I can eat 50 eggs]

one of the things I love about the RCC is how hard it is to get annulments.


which of those reasons would cover a marriage where one partner decided they were gay?

 

[geocajun]

one of the things I love about the RCC is how hard it is to get annulments.

 

[Godzman]

divorce and annulements should be hard to get, that would make people think about marriage much more

 

[Miss Shelby]

Praying for ya NYJ.

Michelle

 

[JeffreyLloyd]

You're in my prayers buddy!

 

[nyj]

divorce and annulements should be hard to get, that would make people think about marriage much more

I doubt it would make people think more about marriage. Just speaking from personal experience. While a divorce isn't really hard to get (at least it wasn't here in Oklahoma), annulments are not a trivial matter and they're not easily granted either. Yet, 25% of all married Catholics have still been divorced.

* nyj remembers what it was like to pontificate on matters he had no experience in, and how differently (more charitably perhaps) he now sees things after getting kicked in the teeth by reality.

PS: Thanks for the support folks (for those that offered it). God's will be done.

 

[Miss Shelby]

* nyj remembers what it was like to pontificate on matters he had no experience in, and how differently (more charitably perhaps) he now sees things after getting kicked in the teeth by reality.

Amen to that one, brother. I think we've all been in situations where we've passed judgement on something only to find out later we had no clue what it might be like until we were in the situation. I hope everyone who reads this thread will bear that it mind.

Michelle

 

[psalm94:17]

Amen to that one, brother. I think we've all been in situations where we've passed judgement on something only to find out later we had no clue what it might be like until we were in the situation. I hope everyone who reads this thread will bear that it mind.

Michelle

I have some experience, almost 9 years worth in the process, as some might remember from my other thread....SInce posting here I have decided to see it through this time, no matter what it takes.

This week I actually put in the formal requests to the military archdioces and city where marriage #1 took place for all the paperwork I lost or ex husband destroyed. I must admit to a slight touch of resentment though - I mean, neither one of us was Catholic when we married, in a civil ceremony, yet because we were both baptized validly in other churches, we must get an anulment. That just doesn't sit well with me, I'm sorry. I mean - WE WEREN'T CATHOLIC!!!!

Add to that the fact that ex is now remarried himself and goes every week to Mass with my daughter who then gets to see Dad RECEIVE COMMUNION!!!

He feels that HE was wronged so HE is in the clear, and that God is mad at ME and deservedly so...And the fact that Catholic after Catholic says to me, "Why do all that? I'm remarried and I take Communion every week - it's not up to some priests - GOD forgives you so just go and take communion!"

Sorry to get carried away, I thought I was calming down about all this lol...

Anywho, despite what my pride and self justification tell me, I also know I am being called home to the Catholic Church, and it does matter to me very much to live in the way God would have me live. I have not received communion at all since my divorce, painful though it has been. In fact, I started attending my old Anglican parish becaue it hurt less there...but the seperation has become ever more unbearable, so here I am...

This Sunday, I will attend Mass for the 1st time in several years, God willing, and only if He gives me the strength - I am actually scared to go back, but I can't stay away any longer. I want to thank all of you here who have been so kind and loving to me as I start, hopefully for the last time, to make my way home.

 

[ej]

This Sunday, I will attend Mass for the 1st time in several years, God willing, and only if He gives me the strength - I am actually scared to go back, but I can't stay away any longer. I want to thank all of you here who have been so kind and loving to me as I start, hopefully for the last time, to make my way home.

There's nothing to be scared of

This is between you and God... I pray you'll be strengthened by Him

 

[psalm94:17]

There's nothing to be scared of

This is between you and God... I pray you'll be strengthened by Him

Thank you so much

 

[JeffreyLloyd]

How is this going Tom?