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Nothing for Christmas....

jaimegerise

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So I'm just looking for an opinion or two here....

Is it wrong of me to be really upset that my husband and I had no money to get each other anything for Christmas because he spends all of our extra money during the year on his expensive hobbies?

Then, mind you, I used some of the money my grandmother gave me for Christmas to get him a gift...I actually put the effort, but he did not.
 

desi

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It depends on if his hobbies are selfish or if they help the family in the long run, and how the family dealt with Christmas. I would just as well be broke and go over the real meaning of Christmas than to obscure the true meaning of it with massive spending. My wife disagrees... So we spend some and only obscure the real meaning a little bit.
 
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jaimegerise

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desi said:
It depends on if his hobbies are selfish or if they help the family in the long run, and how the family dealt with Christmas. I would just as well be broke and go over the real meaning of Christmas than to obscure the true meaning of it with massive spending. My wife disagrees... So we spend some and only obscure the real meaning a little bit.
Well, there's not a "family" it's just me and him...no kids.
 
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Jenna

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He might have been a little more thoughtful when spending so much money on his hobbies. I always just tell my family that I don't mind if they are broke. A piece of paper with "I love you" written on it is gift enough for me. Ah, and I did actually get one of those this year. lol Sometimes, giving people alternatives when you know that money is tight really helps. If he feels bad about it, he's probably even less likely to want to talk about it and draw more attention to the fact that he didn't provide as much as you did. Also, maybe next year you can start early and squirrel away a few dollars here and there, enough for both of you to buy modest presents. If money is allocated toward a specific goal, maybe it would be easier to hold onto?? All in all, I would echo the advice of talking with him, in a gentle manner. So long as it is done the right way, it can go a long way to helping your husband understand how you feel, and maybe he will make a special effort to make preparations next time.
 
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desi

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jaimegerise said:
Well, there's not a "family" it's just me and him...no kids.
In that case you might want to start buying him stupid presents like toasters and shammys. Stuff that you can use which he won't particularly enjoy. That way maybe he'll get the hint.
 
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heartnsoul

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Sounds like you do need to have a sit-down heart-to-heart conversation with your husband. Communication is very important so that both of you understand each other's needs and expectations. My husband and I have been married for 10 years. When we first got married, we agreed to exchange gifts for Valentine's Day, Birthdays and Christmas. So it may just be a matter of simply letting your husband know that you would like to exchange for those occasions. I think it's only fair that you communicate how you feel to your husband since he cannot read your mind...likewise you cannot read his mind so he needs to let you know what he is thinking.

After a few years of being married, we have all the "stuff" we need because we buy things that we need during the year so we just go out for dinner on the special occasions. In time, your desire for gifts may change. In our earlier years of marriage, gifts were a big deal, but now it really doesn't matter to me or my husband anymore. Every year, our relationship grows and it's not exactly the same as the year before. It gets better like wine. :)

As far as spending his money on hobbies, it depends on your financial situation. If you need money to buy groceries or to pay bills, then it's definitely not wise for him to be spending money on hobbies. However, if that is not the problem and you just feel he may be spending too much on hobbies, then again--that will require the two of you to sit down and communicate about your family budget. Don't let resentment build to a point where the communication becomes negative and destructive. As husband and wife, you both need to look at the facts, numbers, budget and evaluate what your goals are in the marriage. Do you want to save money for retirement, future kids, future kid's education, buy a house (if you live in an apartment right now?), etc. These are all issues that need to be discussed and a budget needs to be established so you both don't run into financial problems down the road. Money is the cause for many marital divorces so don't let something important like this go undiscussed and unresolved.

If discussed with the mindset of "keeping the marriage healthy, happy and debt-free", and speaking in truth and love, then I think both of you can resolve the issues without anger or hostility. Good luck with everything and keep us posted on how it goes. May God bless you both. :angel:
 
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murron

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jaimegerise said:
So I'm just looking for an opinion or two here....

Is it wrong of me to be really upset that my husband and I had no money to get each other anything for Christmas because he spends all of our extra money during the year on his expensive hobbies?

Then, mind you, I used some of the money my grandmother gave me for Christmas to get him a gift...I actually put the effort, but he did not.
I can kind of relate, but not entirely. Hubby and I are not the "romantic" types. Valentine's day is just another day, birthdays just make us older and Christmas is for our kids. Through the year, hubby never tells me no if I want to purchase something for myself; and through the year he goes without things when the kids have needs (or even just something they want). I literally have to go buy him new boots and throw away the receipt when he needs them because he just won't spend money on himself. We agreed to not exchange gifts. Yet, every year at Christmas I do find something for him. Sometimes I wish he would think of me and just pick up something; but in reality I know that he doesn't shop on his own. There is never a situation that arises which he would be anywhere without me in a shopping sense. Combined with the fact that through the year he never lets me go without; when he does a side job he gives me the money and tells me to go buy something for myself that I've wanted. But, I have to admit it would be nice to be surprised at Christmas. I don't mention it to him because I know his nature and I know the reality of how we do our shopping - it would be impossible for him to truly surprise me with a gift. Instead I just appreciate all that he does for me and our kids through the year.
 
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Gwenyfur

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murron said:
I can kind of relate, but not entirely. Hubby and I are not the "romantic" types. Valentine's day is just another day, birthdays just make us older and Christmas is for our kids. Through the year, hubby never tells me no if I want to purchase something for myself; and through the year he goes without things when the kids have needs (or even just something they want). I literally have to go buy him new boots and throw away the receipt when he needs them because he just won't spend money on himself. We agreed to not exchange gifts. Yet, every year at Christmas I do find something for him. Sometimes I wish he would think of me and just pick up something; but in reality I know that he doesn't shop on his own. There is never a situation that arises which he would be anywhere without me in a shopping sense. Combined with the fact that through the year he never lets me go without; when he does a side job he gives me the money and tells me to go buy something for myself that I've wanted. But, I have to admit it would be nice to be surprised at Christmas. I don't mention it to him because I know his nature and I know the reality of how we do our shopping - it would be impossible for him to truly surprise me with a gift. Instead I just appreciate all that he does for me and our kids through the year.
You've definitely got a diamond there murron! LOL

My hubby got me a gift for the first time this year. We've been married 6 and half years! I never really mentioned to him that it was important to me to even have a scrap of paper from him with an "I love you" on it until last year. So that's partly my fault. To him ...well he's not a shopper...so when I found a gift adn not construction paper I was surprised to say the least...

Anyhow, my point is just talk to him in a positive way and let him know that this is something you need from him.

God Bless
 
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Redguard

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So, what kind of hobbies are we talking about here? Golf? Xbox?

Anyway, I think it's complete nonsense that he wasn't able to afford you a Christmas gift. That was just neglectful on his part.

Fart on him when he falls asleep tonight.
 
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murron

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Gwenyfur said:
You've definitely got a diamond there murron! LOL

My hubby got me a gift for the first time this year. We've been married 6 and half years! I never really mentioned to him that it was important to me to even have a scrap of paper from him with an "I love you" on it until last year. So that's partly my fault. To him ...well he's not a shopper...so when I found a gift adn not construction paper I was surprised to say the least...

Anyhow, my point is just talk to him in a positive way and let him know that this is something you need from him.

God Bless
LOL, I do have a diamond, I know - and I appreciate him for exactly what he is. I can't change something about him without throwing off that balance, so I'll live with the way things are and be happy :thumbsup:
 
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jaimegerise

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Interesting replies...LOL@ the fart one....

No, we made no plans other than usual...and we have exchanged gifts other years. This is our second Christmas as a married couple and 5th as a couple altogether...

His hobbies? He's a drummer in a local metal band, and he's also begun a hobby of doing video editing stuff, and videography. This is all on top of his regular fulltime job...a jet engine mechanic. I am a housewife til I go back to school this spring.

I think this was just one more time he was neglectful....*sigh* thought we'd gotten past this mess to at least some degree...oh well....
 
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mojorising

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He didn't have money because he has an expensive hobby and spent it on himself? I can see why you might be upset. Could you tell him that maybe he should spend a little less so he'll have extra? Maybe you should tell him how it made you feel.

When it comes to money, when my wife and I got first together we wouldn't buy each other gifts, instead, we'd buy something together that we would both enjoy. One "gift" for us both.
I can see why you'd feel hurt.

mojo
 
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E-beth

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My hubby and I rarely swap Christmas gifts.

We are always teetering on the edge of poverty this time of year because I do not get paid for Christmas vacation from school, so we are always scrimping and saving for the necessities.

What we do, though, is allow each other to pick out something we want (within reason) when we are at Wal-mart or something. This year I got a DVD I wanted and he got a computer game. Simple, yet we got something we wanted. It wasn't wrapped or kept as a surprise.

We do try to celebrate Valentine's Day and birthdays and our anniversaries in some special way. Not a date or anything crazy like that, but we might exchange cards and get each other something small.

If you hubby is busy spending on his hobby, get some money together and buy yourself something. Then show it to him and say "Look what you gave me for Christmas./Valentine's/your birthday/your anniversary. Isn't it lovely/sweet/delicious/sexy/sparkly?" Then if he acts confused just remind him that since he forgot to think about you on Christmas/Valentine's/your birthday/your anniversary, you did his shopping for him. Then say "I would have gotten you_____, but you already got it for yourself, so I didn't."

And above all, remember that sometimes husbands just don't get it unless you spell.it.out.for.them. God bless 'em.
 
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