I was raised in a Christian home. I'm not sure of my moment of salvation, but I truly believe I've received Christ. I have rehashed "the sinner's prayer" countless times through the years during moments of doubt. I've received more light on the issue and realize salvation is not about a canned, prepackaged prayer, but a real change in the heart and a conscious turning to Christ in faith. Its not so much about an event in my past as it is a present reality.
But anyway, there is this thing that continues to dog me. I truly want to be completely consecrated to Him. I want to be able to confidently testify to others about Christ and be a soul winner, but whenever I try to do this, my mind gets fuzzy. I feel weak and unconvincing. I don't feel like I'm being assisted by the Holy Spirit. I begin to feel like I don't believe it with 100% of my soul either and I'm being hypocritical as I try to convince someone else.
I sometimes feel like this as I'm reading scripture and praying as well, but its not as overwhelming during these time, but manifests itself as this little thing way back in the corner of my mind that whispers of a tiny reservation. I don't even know for sure what it is, or if its doubt or just some weird mental phenomena. I want to get rid of it. I hate it. I want to be all in without a shadow or hint of reservation of the truth of it all. I'm not even sure that I really doubt. They say Satan is the father of lies and he can lie by giving one false feelings. It would be comforting to me to know this is only a satanic lie and that I really do believe with my whole heart. Its an intangible thing. Its not that I've encountered some rule of logic or scientific fact that has challenged my faith, but it is more of just a sensation of doubt. Does anyone else experience this? Can anyone give me more insight on this? Is this something a Christian must live with? Is it a result of my specific temperament that makes me prone to this?
But anyway, there is this thing that continues to dog me. I truly want to be completely consecrated to Him. I want to be able to confidently testify to others about Christ and be a soul winner, but whenever I try to do this, my mind gets fuzzy. I feel weak and unconvincing. I don't feel like I'm being assisted by the Holy Spirit. I begin to feel like I don't believe it with 100% of my soul either and I'm being hypocritical as I try to convince someone else.
I sometimes feel like this as I'm reading scripture and praying as well, but its not as overwhelming during these time, but manifests itself as this little thing way back in the corner of my mind that whispers of a tiny reservation. I don't even know for sure what it is, or if its doubt or just some weird mental phenomena. I want to get rid of it. I hate it. I want to be all in without a shadow or hint of reservation of the truth of it all. I'm not even sure that I really doubt. They say Satan is the father of lies and he can lie by giving one false feelings. It would be comforting to me to know this is only a satanic lie and that I really do believe with my whole heart. Its an intangible thing. Its not that I've encountered some rule of logic or scientific fact that has challenged my faith, but it is more of just a sensation of doubt. Does anyone else experience this? Can anyone give me more insight on this? Is this something a Christian must live with? Is it a result of my specific temperament that makes me prone to this?