Not going back ?

[car501]

My wife and I have been seperated for 4 years. We have 1 child (8 years old), who lives with her mother. When we first split, I thought it was free reign to do 'my' will and cut loose after all the hurt and pain I endured. Worldy advice was abundant and I felt justified in doing what ever felt good to me, including dating, after all we were 'legally' seperated. A little over a year ago I saw the way my life was going and I broke down. I couldn't take the empty life I was living any longer. In desperation I begged God to change my life, change me and show me what He wanted. Since then I've been going to church, left behind the lifestyle that once controlled me. He has made me a new person. Although I am human and still stumble, even fall on my face from time to time, my life is better than ever. I have seen the mistakes I made in my marriage and was compelled to apoligize to my wife, even though she was the one who left. The last few months we were married, she did some pretty off the wall things. Things that I can forgive, but I still can't forget.She is currently living with her boyfriend, but talks of trying to work things out. She has been talking about it for a while and said she would get out of her living situation with her boyfriend.I've been praying about and talking with my Pastor about also. The thing is now I don't have a desire to go back. It has been four years that I've been living by myself. I think the healing that I went though over all the pain and anger has happenend and I'm happy with my life, even if it means being alone. I know trust issues can be worked on, but it has been four years and I don't feel the same way about her.I don't know if it is because of all the bad things that happened between us or I'm afraid to be involved with this person again or all the time that has passed. It makes me feel guilty sometimes that I don't want to go back. My not wanting to go back is not punitive, I'm not trying to 'get even' or be vengeful, it's how I feel.I seem to be more at peace without being around her. Even now when we have to interact I feel unsettled and my stomach gets butterflies.I am continually praying about this situation but it's still stressful on me. Sometimes I feel guilty for not wanting to go back....

 

[madison1101]

You need to commit this decision to prayer and seek the Lord for this. What is His will for your life? What is His will for your daughter? What has your daughter learned about marriage from you and your wife? What is she learning about morality by living with her mother and her boyfriend? You are not the only person involved, you created a child that needs to be considered. Her needs are much more important than your desires. Sorry to be so blunt. It just amazes me how so many people just split up and give the kids a second thought.

 

[Autumnleaf]

It sounds like you know you should go back to your family but you don't feel like it.

 

[Devasha]

I understand how you're feeling. I've been in a very similar place.

What I've found is that eventually you come to a place (if you're at all introspective, and it sounds like you are) where you will find yourself alone with YHWH in the valley of decision and will need to decide between holiness and happiness (or comfort or whatever).

When you choose His way, He has wonderful ways of adding back in whatever you think you may have given up.

 

[imaniingod]

I was in the unequally yolked forum but have now moved to the Divorced or Separated forum. My DH told me that he wanted to live for Christ before we got married but now that we are he is doing everything he is big and bad enough to do. He does a lot of spiteful things to me, until it all came to end, I really thought that I was losing myself, I tried so hard to be the wife that God is calling me to be but all I got was hate and resentment, he didnt abuse me physically but he mentally abused me. I feel good that I am free but so disappointed that my marriage failed.

 

[GritsnGrace]

I was in the unequally yolked forum but have now moved to the Divorced or Separated forum. My DH told me that he wanted to live for Christ before we got married but now that we are he is doing everything he is big and bad enough to do. He does a lot of spiteful things to me, until it all came to end, I really thought that I was losing myself, I tried so hard to be the wife that God is calling me to be but all I got was hate and resentment, he didnt abuse me physically but he mentally abused me. I feel good that I am free but so disappointed that my marriage failed.

You sound like me 15 years ago!! I had to decide whether or not I could serve the Lord better without him, ot trying to 'hang onto' him. Which isn't what he wanted. And it also wasn't what the Lord wanted.

Car501, you need to just give it to the Lord, and ask Him what He wants you to do. Pray the He give you perfect peace in this situation! Praying for you, brother!

 

[car501]

Car501, you need to just give it to the Lord, and ask Him what He wants you to do. Pray the He give you perfect peace in this situation! Praying for you, brother!

Thanks everybody for the advice/thoughts. This weighs heavy on me right now. I'm in constant prayer over this and will wait to see what God would have me do. He is working in many area's of my life right now, changing me, challenging me, and showing me things I never saw before, especially about myself (sometimes, it's not a pretty sight), so I have to believe he will show me the way for this too. It's hard for me to change my way of thinking (God can do that for me). I was alway's of the belief that if your spouse committed adultery & left, that's it. Game over. How can I possibly live with that ? How can you trust someone who breaks that covenant. I tought that if they could do that, they are capible of doing anything. I guess as sinners, we all are.