Not divorced, but...

[Mister_Guy]

I'm not divorced, but my question is regarding the ones who "get involved" with divorced singles.

The background story is that I met a great girl who was 19 when she got married but divorced shortly after and had been divorced for sometime when I met her. She is now 22. The conclusions that have ben met here with many of the posts here is where she found herself about 2 months ago- that she has to accept her divorce and be without and to never remarry. We were somewhat "dating" or "together" if you may call it and I fell for her. Because she was divorced, she seemed so much more matuer when it came to relationships and I wanted to be with her. I know that she contemplated being with me also for we had talked a lot about a possible future together. Now we hardly speak to one another even though I see her often. I still think of her often- more often than i would like to admit actually. Is that wrong of me to still miss her and want to be with her so bad? and how do i get passed this because now every girl who comes along after her it seems that i will always compare them to her because she was different.

-Chris

 

[Jennifer615]

I'm not too sure exactly what you are asking here. Is she rejecting you because she feels she can never remarry, or are you unsure about her because she is divorced?


Personally, I believe if she repents of her divorce and her part in this, God will give her the grace to remarry. What a waste of a life - being 22 and not being allowed to remarry and have children!!!!!!! My goodness, what a curse!!! She was probably very immature when she married and made some dumb choices, 19 is very young to get married - you don't really know your own mind. I sure it would have been God's will for her 1st marriage to work out, but what's done is done. If you both love each other and feel called to be together, then I say go for it. Pray alot about and seek God's will. God is a good God and has the capacity to forgive her divorce.

Is she avoiding you because she has lost interest in you? If this is the case, I would say move on and forget about her. All the love in the world amounts to nothing if the loved one doesn't feel the same way.

Unfortunately, on this forum, there are some hard-hearted people who discriminate aganist people who have been divorced and cursing them to remain single. I don't believe God is like that at all. I have remarried and am very happy. I believe God has the grace to understand the desires of my heart, and brought my husband and I together.

We all make mistakes. Sin is sin. If we repent and live the best life we can by the power of the Holy Spirit, God is gracious and forgives us all.

 

[Katty]

Mister Guy,
I've followed your posts and to tell you the truth, I know a lot of how you may be feeling.

I had the pleasure, priviledge, and honor to share a beautiful and very pivotal moment in my life with an exordinary guy (he will surely contest to that comment, I'm sure... heh). He was the sparkle of my eye and in more ways than one, he really is one in a million. The thing that got me was that when he 'looked' at me.... he really saw me cause he saw my heart. We reached what I felt an entirely different level of 'intimacy' than I ever had with another guy. Perhaps it was the distance between us that made it that way, but whatever the 'reason', we related to one another so well and our 'relationship' became more than just 'infatuation' or purely on physical attraction... even though I have to admit, he's smokin' HOT teehee. We weren't 'officially together', but through it all, we both knew where we stood with one another. We were so cautious about coming into this whole thing due to a few different factors. When things began to progress, we didn't push it but let it play out as it would.

He came to the full acceptance of his divorce. We talked that night for a long time. I know it hurt him to actually come to the decision that he did. The weird thing was, as much as I thought I was confused... it made so much sense. And as much as it hurt, I let him go... (not that I would ever hold him back anyway).

These things play in my mind over and over again and its so hard to not miss him... its so hard not to think about him... cause in the end, I do. I still wonder if I'll ever fit into his life somehow... I won't deny that... but I realize that that isn't up to me nor is it up to him. We rely upon God and His will for us. I admire him for all that he is... and whether he knows it or not, he's left his mark upon my heart. We used to joke about leaving our marks on one another's heart... but on my part, its the honest truth. I think about him a lot... and with that, I miss him... so much... but that doesn't stop me from doing what I've always done-- what I've always needed to get done. Whether he knows it or not, I continually pray for him... for the plans that God has in store for him and for all the things that he's going to become for the glory of Him and no one else.

You ask how you get "past" this... my answer: you don't "get past" this. You accept it, you love and care about that person as much as you claim you do and let them do the right thing... whether that includes you or not. You truly see the character of a person when you 'break up' with them and see how they handle it... maturely or immaturely. Don't pause your life playing the 'what if' game either. You do what you have to do and watch God open other doors and sometimes windows for you. Don't stop praying for that person but don't dwell on the desires that you want fulfilled with that person. Acceptance has to happen on both ends.

~Katty

 

[Mister_Guy]

Jennifer, I thank you for your reponse and am glad that your situation worked out so well for you To answr your questin, the reason we are not together is because she has come to accept her divorce as HER divorce and owns up to it no matter why it did not work out. She did get married young and the marriage itself ended young... at a little over 6 months. That, I believe is what pushed her to become more mature in the relationship espect and ultimatly the lady that I want so much.

Now Katty, I thank you for your post and your response. You are an intelligent young lady with a beautiful heart. That guy must be a lucky dog to have had the chance to have shared intimacy with you I agree that acceptance has to be two-sided but do you think that it may be easier for one side than the other? How is he taking it? In the last 2 weeks, I have gotten the guts up to carry on a 'decent' conversetion with her... but when i go home, I miss her so much. I understand that its over but I don't know if I am over it. How do I let her go?

 

[mghalpern]

Mister Guy,
I've followed your posts and to tell you the truth, I know a lot of how you may be feeling.

I had the pleasure, priviledge, and honor to share a beautiful and very pivotal moment in my life with an exordinary guy (he will surely contest to that comment, I'm sure... heh). He was the sparkle of my eye and in more ways than one, he really is one in a million. The thing that got me was that when he 'looked' at me.... he really saw me cause he saw my heart. We reached what I felt an entirely different level of 'intimacy' than I ever had with another guy. Perhaps it was the distance between us that made it that way, but whatever the 'reason', we related to one another so well and our 'relationship' became more than just 'infatuation' or purely on physical attraction... even though I have to admit, he's smokin' HOT teehee. We weren't 'officially together', but through it all, we both knew where we stood with one another. We were so cautious about coming into this whole thing due to a few different factors. When things began to progress, we didn't push it but let it play out as it would.

He came to the full acceptance of his divorce. We talked that night for a long time. I know it hurt him to actually come to the decision that he did. The weird thing was, as much as I thought I was confused... it made so much sense. And as much as it hurt, I let him go... (not that I would ever hold him back anyway).

These things play in my mind over and over again and its so hard to not miss him... its so hard not to think about him... cause in the end, I do. I still wonder if I'll ever fit into his life somehow... I won't deny that... but I realize that that isn't up to me nor is it up to him. We rely upon God and His will for us. I admire him for all that he is... and whether he knows it or not, he's left his mark upon my heart. We used to joke about leaving our marks on one another's heart... but on my part, its the honest truth. I think about him a lot... and with that, I miss him... so much... but that doesn't stop me from doing what I've always done-- what I've always needed to get done. Whether he knows it or not, I continually pray for him... for the plans that God has in store for him and for all the things that he's going to become for the glory of Him and no one else.

You ask how you get "past" this... my answer: you don't "get past" this. You accept it, you love and care about that person as much as you claim you do and let them do the right thing... whether that includes you or not. You truly see the character of a person when you 'break up' with them and see how they handle it... maturely or immaturely. Don't pause your life playing the 'what if' game either. You do what you have to do and watch God open other doors and sometimes windows for you. Don't stop praying for that person but don't dwell on the desires that you want fulfilled with that person. Acceptance has to happen on both ends.

~Katty

Katty... Written exceptionally well...Michael

 

[bliz]

I'm confused... why are the two of you estranged?

If the only reason you are apart if because some people on this site opioned that she can never remarry, that is a pretty foolish reason. All Christians are not in agreement on this issue. Divorce is not the unpardonable sin. Do we believe that God forgives sin, or don't we?

Together, go and seek counseling from Christians you know, and who know the two of you.

 

[bkg]

I've avoided responding to this because I know I ruffle feathers...

I think Katty summed it up perfectly. I just want to add one thing: If she came to a conclusion/conviction that she is to never remarry because of the words of our God, as hard as it is for you to do so, you do have to respect her for following His words. I admire her, as I admire all people who, despite flesh desires, choose to put the Words of our God first. It's not an easy thing for anyone to do, so I doubt she came to her decision lightly. If God has laid it upon her heart to walk this path, and she accepts it because it is His word, I would ask that you allow her to do so.

bkg

 

[desi]

I'm confused... why are the two of you estranged?

If the only reason you are apart if because some people on this site opioned that she can never remarry, that is a pretty foolish reason. All Christians are not in agreement on this issue. Divorce is not the unpardonable sin. Do we believe that God forgives sin, or don't we?

Together, go and seek counseling from Christians you know, and who know the two of you.

The Bible addresses this issue, making what Christians say about it impertinent.

 

[Leanna]

I'm confused... why are the two of you estranged?

If the only reason you are apart if because some people on this site opioned that she can never remarry, that is a pretty foolish reason. All Christians are not in agreement on this issue. Divorce is not the unpardonable sin. Do we believe that God forgives sin, or don't we?

Together, go and seek counseling from Christians you know, and who know the two of you.

I agree.

 

[Katty]

Jennifer, I thank you for your reponse and am glad that your situation worked out so well for you To answr your questin, the reason we are not together is because she has come to accept her divorce as HER divorce and owns up to it no matter why it did not work out. She did get married young and the marriage itself ended young... at a little over 6 months. That, I believe is what pushed her to become more mature in the relationship espect and ultimatly the lady that I want so much.

Now Katty, I thank you for your post and your response. You are an intelligent young lady with a beautiful heart. That guy must be a lucky dog to have had the chance to have shared intimacy with you I agree that acceptance has to be two-sided but do you think that it may be easier for one side than the other? How is he taking it? In the last 2 weeks, I have gotten the guts up to carry on a 'decent' conversetion with her... but when i go home, I miss her so much. I understand that its over but I don't know if I am over it. How do I let her go?

Mister Guy,
Despite what everyone here is saying, I do understand what you're feeling and what you're going through. Healing is a process and letting go takes time. I don't think its easier for one person over the other no matter who initiated it. Considering the depth that you're able to reach with a person makes it all the more harder to move on from there. Call it love, call it fear, nevertheless, your heart is never the same. I understand that and I've learned that... especially with *him.* How is he taking it? I know that he misses me and thinks of me, but like I said before, this is what he has to do and he's been doing it. I can't and won't hold him back from that. I think he's doing well and from what I know, he's been pretty focused and he keeps busy. We haven't talked in a couple weeks and I feel it... I notice it... and I miss it... I miss him. I know it gets repetitive... but sometimes just admitting it helps a little I do continue to pray for him. I've moved away from praying for the desires of my heart. God knows what's in store and I trust in that. My heart goes out to you and I hope and pray that you find peace in the promises that God has for your life and also hers. I know it hurts and I know you miss her... but like I've heard before... 'baby steps.'

~Katty

 

[SkyeBlue8]

Mister-Guy,
Why did this girl you know get divorced after 6 months? Adultery?
If so then it is not a sin on her part to get a divorce.
If it was any other reason, then sure it's wrong, but it's already been said in this thread, God forgives all. As long as she repents and starts over.

 

[Mister_Guy]

Skyblue,

There's a lot that went into her marriage ending and despite what a lot of poeple have said about her getting remarried because of adultry, there's things that play into that... its what she belieeves Biblically to be true. (Refer to Warrior Poet's thread)

Katty,

Once again, thank you for your input. These last few weeks have ben ok. I have seen her like once or twice and we have talkd som, but I don't know. I am so glad that you do know how I feel and wher I'm comin frum. If you do not mind me asken, how are you takin it all in? He is lucky that you are mature and undrstandng with his positien. You are a dimond in the rough

To everone,

I thank you for your enput. Wethr you agree and understdn how I feel or not, I am ok with that. I do not mean to have this thred becom a debate about divorce and adultry... this situtien is what it is. I am just looking for support I gess.

 

[SkyeBlue8]

I'd like to know what this girl's actual reasons are for not wanting to get married again. And how she thinks it is Biblical.
What a waste! A person as young as that. It's like she's condemning herself. It just seems so terrible.
MrGuy, if I were you, I'd be sad about missing out on something that could be wonderful. God's put her into your life, and you into hers. Please don't give up on this! Whatever happened to this girl before, does not mean that she can never get married again. It doesn't matter what it is. And I'm saying this with the Bible in mind. I could help more if I knew what this girl had to say about it.
I'd give you just plain support but I wouldn't be able to do that....this subject eats away at me. I know something is wrong with it. I think Satan is telling her lies to keep a good marriage from happening.

 

[bkg]

I'd like to know what this girl's actual reasons are for not wanting to get married again. And how she thinks it is Biblical.
What a waste! A person as young as that. It's like she's condemning herself. It just seems so terrible.
MrGuy, if I were you, I'd be sad about missing out on something that could be wonderful. God's put her into your life, and you into hers. Please don't give up on this! Whatever happened to this girl before, does not mean that she can never get married again. It doesn't matter what it is. And I'm saying this with the Bible in mind. I could help more if I knew what this girl had to say about it.
I'd give you just plain support but I wouldn't be able to do that....this subject eats away at me. I know something is wrong with it. I think Satan is telling her lies to keep a good marriage from happening.

It seems that people are quick to condem this girl for the conclusion she came to after (what I would hope was) much prayer and study. How is it a waste to follow the words of God? Why must Mr. Guy or anyone else feel the need/desire to convince this girl that she is wrong for making the choices she made?

As I stated earlier, I have the utmost respect for people like her and WP who have diligently sutdied the Bible and prayed about God's will - and if they came the conclusion that remarriage is not Biblical or God's will, then I ask that all people respect that...

 

[SkyeBlue8]

It's not that I'm not respecting it, it's just terrible that this girl is condemning herself.

This has a lot to do with another thread in this forum, about how divorce is not the "unforgiveable sin". No sin is unforgiveable! God's word tells us he will forgive us of our sin, no matter what it is. Jesus died for us to be able to start our lives out on a clean slate, (hence being washed by the blood of Christ) after we repent of our sin and ask for forgiveness. After God gives it to us, why in the world should we continue to condemn ourselves? And believe such things like 'I can never remarry again!"
It's a lie of Satan. Period. God forgives us of our sin so we can start over again clean. Period. What's so hard to understand about that. This girl can remarry. This topic just tears my heart out.

It is possible that this girl may be one of the few (like Paul) who are called to never marry because they have a much more demanding task to complete in their lives. Unless that is true, this girl can remarry. Everyone seems to be missing my point. I'm condemning no one, and I'm not disrespecting anyone. If you really believe that God's word says that we are condemned forever after divorce, then we would be condemned forever after lying, or stealing, or committing adultery, or ANYTHING ELSE YOU CAN THINK OF! But we are not people. God forgives, period. What else can be said about it.