Not a good time

[Gailerina]

On Thursday it will be 2 years since my Dad died. I had to watch him slowly die over a period of about 7 months. I watch cancer take him from us and cause so many problems.

I miss him so much, as I was close to him and not my mother, who I was left to take care of.

I've fallen into a depressions state over the past month or so and as Thursday gets closer, I feel myself falling again.

I was able to get off on that day, though my position at work requires I don't take off in November. I just have to make sure I have everything ready for a company wide meeting Friday. I don't want to come to work Friday, I just want to do nothing. I have a paper due for class, but I don't want to write it.

Things seem harder this year and I don't know why.

 

[RuthD]

I'm sorry for your loss. I relate to you as my mom died a slow death of cancer, too, and I watched it happen, too. Yes, it is horrible to watch them suffer and lose all of their abilities and functions. I, too, feel real bad around the anniversary date. You are not alone and it is normal to feel as you do now. I am praying for you.

 

[Gailerina]

Thank you.

I really wanted to take most of this week off, but I couldn't.

 

[cerette]

Sorry to hear about your loss. I too have lost my father, but that was a very long time ago. Still, I get sad around the time of the anniversary, and other times throughout the year as well. The pain and sadness will never go away, but it changes and it will be something that you learn to live with. (As you already have!)
Blessings to you.

 

[Gailerina]

I feel as if it is worst this year and I can only think it is because of the depression state I been in for a couple of months.

I did not want to wake up today or come to work. I wish I could sleep all day and not have a care in the world, as I don't dream.

Sometimes I wonder if his death is my fault, as I did not do enough to get him help or move him to a different hospital.

I had not seen him a few days before he died, as I was sick. I was starting to feel better and went with my friend to a gym class. On my way home I was thinking about going and trying to remember visitation hours or making plans to go the next day. I came in the door and my sister just looked at me. I rushed over to the place and was calling people.

I just wish he was still here. He shouldn't be dead and it's not fair.

 

[cerette]

Gailerina,
life and death is not in your hands. It is not your fault that he died. It was simply his time to go.

 

[Gailerina]

I know that inside at times but it still bites and I still cry.

I just wish he was here

Sent from my iPhone using CF

 

[Gailerina]

I really wish I could sleep today a way. I just want to feel better

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[Gailerina]

I've been in my bed all day. I know this is bad but I can't find it in me to care. I've decided to start the prescription meds for depression tomorrow. I don't think my herbal ones are working. I have a paper due Sunday. I hope I get it done.

Sent from my iPhone using CF

 

[cerette]

Yes you certainly should take your meds.
It's a blessing that there is medicine for depression! Take it.

 

[St. Paul]

On Thursday it will be 2 years since my Dad died. I had to watch him slowly die over a period of about 7 months. I watch cancer take him from us and cause so many problems.

I miss him so much, as I was close to him and not my mother, who I was left to take care of.

I've fallen into a depressions state over the past month or so and as Thursday gets closer, I feel myself falling again.

I was able to get off on that day, though my position at work requires I don't take off in November. I just have to make sure I have everything ready for a company wide meeting Friday. I don't want to come to work Friday, I just want to do nothing. I have a paper due for class, but I don't want to write it.

Things seem harder this year and I don't know why.

Losing a parent is tuff. My mom committed suicide back in 1992 and every December and January I get really depressed! Her birthday is in December and she killed herself in January. I obsess over her suicide every year! Especially the fact that the last thing I ever said to my mom was "I hate you." It's really tough to deal with!