Its ok, your not alone in trying to get a grip of what being a christian is all about. I'm really new at this game. I went to church as a kid but only recently have i decided to go to chuch now (at 18 years old), which has really opened up my eyes. I'm going to a youth service which is really good. The other week I was really touched by the service for the first time (I've only been going a few months), it was all about being non-judgemental; it really made me question so much; how I live my life, how I can be better to others and it has given me some direction in my relationships with others - that is being more understanding. So I guess what I am trying to say, in a very blah! way, is maybe see if you can find a good church, where I'm sure you'll find people to help guide you too - as I have.
It is a be scary at first, I sometimes feel a bit silly not quite understanding what others are on about and I wouldn't say I truely believe yet, but something has changed in me for the better.
You don't need to tell me about direction! I had it all figured out in year 12, I knew what I wanted to do, where I was going. But now...Well I think thats a bit of a different story. I'm in uni which is fab and all but I'm also suffering an eating disorder of such and that is..well that has changed all my plans now. I previously recovered from one and then was 100% sure that I wanted to go into Social Work and help others, but its made its way back into my life and now I don't no if i will ever be able to do that. (I bet this talk really isn't helping!) BUT I do know how you feel and I guess what i want to point out is that, we are both ONLY 18. Why must we have it all figured out yet? I guess for me I'm trying to trust that God has a plan for me and just because I don't understand it at the moment doesn't mean I never will.
I sort of understand your suicidal thoughts, but it is worth keeping on going. Do you have a support system of family or friends that you can talk to?
I'm sorry that i haven't been able to give what you wanted, but I guess I just wanted to let you know that your not alone, and hopefully we will both be able to find our way. Remember to keep on talking about, keeping in side only makes the pain worse.
Hope my LONG answer didn't take up all your time!
you!!!!
