Hi. I'm sorry if it's wrong for me to write here as a non-Christian. I'm a Seeker (I think all religions are equal and that I can't ever know for sure who God is but just keep seeking) and happy with that... or would be if it wasn't for my severe OCD.
I keep feeling like the Devil is communicating with me. I don't hear voices but I feel like certain thoughts come from the Devil.
Yesterday, I really wanted to go to the grocery store. The whole way walking there I felt like the Devil was watching me. I kept asking God to give me signs (I know this is because of OCD and that I shouldn't do it) if I shouldn't go to the store. Very near it I had a tiny stabbing pain to my stomach and got scared that that might be a sign. Then I had a thought "if I won't vomit at the store I will the next time I'm in a car" and got terrified. I felt like that thought came from the Devil. I have a serious fear of vomiting, especially around other people so in a car would be terrifying. I tried to calm myself down outside the store and then thought "this is just OCD, I can go, no one is going to hurt me" and went in. Bought stuff.
But now I'm terrified. What if it wasn't just OCD? What if it was real? Why couldn't I just not go to the store? I even took a book to read last night and ended up on a chapter where someone vomited. Then last night I had a dream of someone having the stomach flu. What if all of these are signs that I have to vomit? I'm so anxious I have suicidal thoughts, though I wouldn't really do anything to myself.
Please, someone help me. Can this be real or is it just OCD?
Also last night... and to be honest, I do this a lot of the time, even though I'm not Christian. I pray like a Christian. I pray a lot as a compulsion and what if... what if God is angry with me for that? Last night I even prayed for Jesus even though I'm not Christian. Is this wrong? Am I making God angry? I really want to believe in my own way... but it's scary. I don't want to compulsively pray but I do.
I keep feeling like the Devil is communicating with me. I don't hear voices but I feel like certain thoughts come from the Devil.
Yesterday, I really wanted to go to the grocery store. The whole way walking there I felt like the Devil was watching me. I kept asking God to give me signs (I know this is because of OCD and that I shouldn't do it) if I shouldn't go to the store. Very near it I had a tiny stabbing pain to my stomach and got scared that that might be a sign. Then I had a thought "if I won't vomit at the store I will the next time I'm in a car" and got terrified. I felt like that thought came from the Devil. I have a serious fear of vomiting, especially around other people so in a car would be terrifying. I tried to calm myself down outside the store and then thought "this is just OCD, I can go, no one is going to hurt me" and went in. Bought stuff.
But now I'm terrified. What if it wasn't just OCD? What if it was real? Why couldn't I just not go to the store? I even took a book to read last night and ended up on a chapter where someone vomited. Then last night I had a dream of someone having the stomach flu. What if all of these are signs that I have to vomit? I'm so anxious I have suicidal thoughts, though I wouldn't really do anything to myself.
Please, someone help me. Can this be real or is it just OCD?
Also last night... and to be honest, I do this a lot of the time, even though I'm not Christian. I pray like a Christian. I pray a lot as a compulsion and what if... what if God is angry with me for that? Last night I even prayed for Jesus even though I'm not Christian. Is this wrong? Am I making God angry? I really want to believe in my own way... but it's scary. I don't want to compulsively pray but I do.
