nobody really cares...

[jill45]

there are so many people here, some in my life, nobody really cares, no body can even help me. i don't know why i'm here, why should i stay on this earth? i'm going t hru the motions, nothing makes sense. if this life hurts so bad why shouldn't i just leave it? can anybody tell me?

 

[jill45]

there are so many people here, some in my life, nobody really cares, no body can even help me. i don't know why i'm here, why should i stay on this earth? i'm going t hru the motions, nothing makes sense. if this life hurts so bad why shouldn't i just leave it? can anybody tell me? the only happy people i see are the ones who have never really had any problems, or theyve overcome them. i don't see anything getting better for me, just worse.

 

[Achichem]

there are so many people here, some in my life, nobody really cares

I promise you people care! And it matter a lot!

no body can even help me.

Maybe, but it takes two to tango, there are people qualified and ready…. please give us a chance to assist you!

i don't know why i'm here, why should i stay on this earth?

Well if I knew you I might be able to clarify it better for you, but I don’t so I can only ask you something. What have you done to establish a purpose? If nothing, would you like to sit down with someone and figure it out? You can!

i'm going t hru the motions, nothing makes sense.

A sign to step back, take a full breath, clear the mind, and reframe! Please just try!

if this life hurts so bad why shouldn't i just leave it?

It doesn’t have to hurt!!! Life is rooted in joy and peace and it shares it willingly, but sometimes it is necessary for us to go through growing pains, I assure you however you have the power to live life in it true peace! You have the peace already inside of you, hidden only by illusion of chaos, the confusion of training.

can anybody tell me?

No but they can help be with you on the path to seeing with your own eyes. Steping with your own feet.

the only happy people i see are the ones who have never really had any problems

Maybe from your point of view but in reality you’re missing the most important component. People who believe themselves in “turmoil” manifest “turmoil”. People who see peace manifest opportunity. Reality is as much a muse as a maker, and the way you’ve been programmed to view that world has an impact of what is attracted to you. What you see can deceive you! That is why we have ears, lips, hands! We feel so that we can know!

Come sister, learn how to manifest opportunity; deprogram the lies, desaturate the false perceptions which are causing your body to turn on itself.

You have peace already, your body knows this, but your mind has trick itself. You have a purpose, but you need to step back to see it. The pain you are feeling is just warning you of this, it is not punishment it is grace. Please sister, you to are happy, you to are joyous, perhaps imprisoned in habits you have learned. But what was once learned can be replace by truth. You have life, you have peace, you have joy…. please, come and learn.

theyve overcome them

Not without choice!

I don't see anything getting better for me, just worse.

because you have lost perspective, imposed black on neutral word, simply because gray is not white!

Please, sister….breath and talk some more, brake down the lies which imprison you….let go of the judgments with condemn you. You are truth; your body knows this and that is why it cannot live believing itself to be lie. You are forgiver, merciful and loving…. that is why you can give up the judgment of others, which ultimately does nothing to them, but instead reflects in the mirror to condemn you. This is lie! The are false judgments!

Please sister, stay and return to peace!

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

i don't know why i'm here, why should i stay on this earth? i'm going t hru the motions, nothing makes sense. if this life hurts so bad why shouldn't i just leave it?

Live because God wants you to.

 

[Flatscan82]

there are so many people here, some in my life, nobody really cares, no body can even help me. i don't know why i'm here, why should i stay on this earth? i'm going t hru the motions, nothing makes sense. if this life hurts so bad why shouldn't i just leave it? can anybody tell me?

 

[jill45]

thank you flat, for the hug. i am not so down today, life is just hard sometimes and i think that satan is trying to keep me down.

 

[Nachtjager]

Hey Jill, of course Satan is trying to keep you down, that's what he does - or tries to do. I know where you're coming from, life seems extremely unfair at times and it seems nobody understands us sometimes... and sometimes nobody does. That's when it's best to realize that there is ONE guy who fully understands you, and He's always in the room with you, even though you can't see Him. He's waiting to see what you do with the choices in your life, and He'll be there regardless of the choices you make. Talk to Him, pray, vent, shout out angry if it helps. He'll listen, that's what He does. And He'll help, that's what He does. But, that help may not arrive when we want it or in a fashion that we desire, so please don't become impatient. Why stay on this spinning orb that seems to be overflowing with filth? To find your purpose, to make a difference, and to help others who are just as down as you are right now. Stick with your faith, it will get you through and you will be stronger on the other side. Praying for ya', look for anything hopeful or pleasurable and hang on to it. Take care and God bless.

 

[jill45]

thank you da tsar for your reply...yesterday was a horrible day, i was overwhelmed and lower than usual.

i know people care, but sometimes people are so caught up in their own lives that it seems noone has time.

i am a christian, i accepted christ when i was seven yrs old. without going into every detail, i was close to christ, lived as i should and was happy. at 20 yrs old i got married to someone who claimed to be a christian, didn't live it, he drank alot, abused me, i stayed married because i thought it was my only option. 20+ years later, i'm divorced with 3 kids, i love them. stress of finances, trying to raise kids (i have one who is so much like his dad) my ex i feel is still trying to keep his foot in my life, i'm afraid will try to somehow get the kids, etc.

it feels like there is a force trying to break me some days, today is much better so far. but when i'm down i don't feel capable of handling everything, inadequate, it feels like no matter what i try to do something is going to come along and take the good things away from me.

thank you for your encouragement. i realize that i've been told lies for so long, been put down for so long, blamed for everything....i'm having a hard time seeing things differently.

right now God seems so far away, like he's just sitting back watching me, i know he's there.

my faith is crippled right now, i've been hurt by "christian" people, hurt by my church, i'm doubting things i've been taught my whole life. i don't know who to talk to about these things, it's hard to trust people.

any advice you give is appreciated

 

[lronngren]

I just wanted to say "I love you". Your story is so sad and it makes my heart ache for you. I have struggled with depression for years and have been in and out of abusive relationships for most of that time. I don't have any advice that would help as I haven't been exactly where you are/were... but I know the lows that you described.

 

[Achichem]

i am a christian, i accepted christ when i was seven yrs old. without going into every detail, i was close to christ, lived as i should and was happy.

sister in Christ you still have happiness, you still are close to Christ and beloved in the eyes of God. You may not be feeling it right now, but I know it is true, I see it as true.

at 20 yrs old i got married to someone who claimed to be a christian, didn't live it, he drank alot, abused me, i stayed married because i thought it was my only option.

First, I need to ask if you got counseling of any kind for that abuse? Abuse does not just go away, it effects are both physical and emotional (no matter the kind of abuse), and I’d hate to see any of those things compound. As much as your family must come first, you may need to move yourself up on the priority list for everyone’s sake.

20+ years later, i'm divorced with 3 kids

And wiser and stronger then ever before I’d bet

i don't know who to talk to about these things, it's hard to trust people.

A tough place to be, my only advise would be to just talk and ask the questions (which of course are not all that is troubling you) and in time they will lead you to the right people.

it feels like there is a force trying to break me some days, today is much better so far. but when i'm down i don't feel capable of handling everything, inadequate, it feels like no matter what i try to do something is going to come along and take the good things away from me.

hmmmm,
Like the wind lifting a leaf (too much momentum)? Or river pushing the suborn stone (too much stagnation)? Or both?

right now God seems so far away, like he's just sitting back watching me, i know he's there.

Be glad for our G-d lives in tabernacles (tents) and as soon as you lay on safe ground; He will be with you!

my faith is crippled right now, i've been hurt by "christian" people, hurt by my church, i'm doubting things i've been taught my whole life.

Nothing is wrong with doubt, and hurt can be healed; you are willing, so you will feel better very soon…and then can begin to forgive and grow stronger.

 

[jill45]

Hello,
Thank you Ironngren for the love, i feel for you and your situation, i will be thinking of you

nachtjager...thank you for reminding me that God is always there for me, i know he is. God is waiting to see what i do with my choices? i think i understand, but i'm a little cofused about the whole subject of why things happen. i've been told by some that "everything happens for a reason" ....at this point i can't accept that what's happened to me is something that God wanted for me....i do think that i made a mistake in who i married....see i put it all on myself, like i caused it. i don't know what to think

thank you for your encouragement


da tsar...no i have never looked for help with the abuse, it's hidden very deep down inside of me...i don't understand why this kind of thing is so overlooked by the church, people seem to think that you just need to forgive and bear all, i know there's a wide rage of views on this subject

but yes i do feel older and wiser (i'm trying to be stronger, i feel weak sometimes, kind of beaten down) and don't even understand what i could have been thinking back then to have put up with such things.


i'm not sure if i'm the leaf or the stone (i'm sorry i don't know how to do the quotes)
when i spoke of something trying to break me down..... so many things will hit me at one time, like i'm trying to get on my feet and i keep getting pushed down. i'm so angry for how my ex made me feel about myself, i've lost my confidence, i doubt myself, i'm afraid to make decisions that they will be wrong. some days i have hope and dream a little, then he will say something that makes me afraid that i won't be able to move on and make a happy life for myself. maybe i'm still afraid of him? how do i cut ties with him, put him at a distance when we still have to communicate because of the kids? he was very controlling and i feel is still trying to be this way with me.

 

[Achichem]

so many things will hit me at one time, like i'm trying to get on my feet and i keep getting pushed down. i'm so angry for how my ex made me feel about myself, i've lost my confidence, i doubt myself, i'm afraid to make decisions that they will be wrong.

That is the river pushing the rock And, sadly those do sound like the scars of abuse, but again the important thing is the healing strategy not the recognition of all the symptoms or causes, which I am sure go far deeper.

Something of note here, did you know every time you say, “i've lost my confidence, i doubt myself, i'm afraid” you convince your mind of it absolute literal truth? Making it twice as factual to you as before? That not to say there is anything wrong with expressing your condition, hiding your feeling will do nothing of value. I’m just saying. If you phrase this same thing as:

“I’ve had to start building my confidence again after years of decline” or
“I am rebuilding faith in myself, and overcoming the fear of making wrong decisions”
it can go a long way.

Now, I certainly wouldn’t expect you to change it every time you expressing yourself (few can), but even if you can stop and correct your self one time out of every hundred it will make a big difference in how you feel.

It also might help if I get an idea of the personality of everyone involved:

Ex: (how much do these statements apply)
Very idealistic, wanting to deal with ideas before people or systems?
Very concerned about social status, and the way others think of him?
Very concern with winning (in everything), “dog eat dog world”?

If someone took him to court and won and he felt he was wronged would he?
a) Complain about it forever, yet never attaching an reactive action to it
b) Make a strategy of revenge, likely isolating the person through connections
c) Throw a rock through their window, or at least seriously consider it
d) Other – please explain

You: (how much do these statements apply)
I value relationship before ideas?
I always tend to go with the flow?
I have a vivid imagination?
I am continuing finding new interest and adventures?
I get stressed out easily and prefer consistent authority?
People might describe me as a buddy or defender type instead of lover or peacemaker?

some days i have hope and dream a little, then he will say something that makes me afraid that i won't be able to move on and make a happy life for myself.

Sadly that is how bulling works, don’t worry though it can be beaten.

maybe i'm still afraid of him? how do i cut ties with him, put him at a distance when we still have to communicate because of the kids?

First, what are your kids gender and ages?

Now, there are only a few ways to cut ties (demand it or move) and you have to do what you feel is best for the family and you, but considering what you have told me so far, I would far more recommend an alternative (at least for now).

Getting a large supporting group of friends is very important at this stage! I am guessing that he has isolated you a lot in your marriage and you have little if any exclusive friends, and now with establish habits and financial and family obligations it would be hard to develop, but I can not express enough how much this would help with all of your stressors.

As for how, from what I gather your established Church defiantly isn’t the best place in this particular case (you might want to try another one though). A good place might be your local toastmasters group (they should be easy enough to find), or do you know of another group that you’ve always wanted to check out, but haven’t for whatever reason?

he was very controlling and i feel is still trying to be this way with me.

Of course he is, and I am sorry you have to be a target, but he has got his own set of psychological issues that he has to deal with before he can stop destroying the people and systems he cares for. He to is a victim in his own way, and though that is not an excuse for what he did (does) and though he still has to make a new choice, as your scars cannot just go away, neither can his.

You are not the cause of this, but at the same time you are not powerless and can take action to put an end to it (I know you understand that (at times), but sometimes it just good to hear it reinforced). You can and will beat the cycle and feel wonderful. It might take some time and effort, but I see from your posts you have clearly decided to take the path of health

no i have never looked for help with the abuse, it's hidden very deep down inside of me...i don't understand why this kind of thing is so overlooked by the church, people seem to think that you just need to forgive and bear all, i know there's a wide rage of views on this subject

I agree in that a church is in a position to help, and it sad that it takes an extraordinary pastor from my experience for them to anything; however, the services (and people) of God do not always carry God name (overly). Jesus tells us “you shall know them by their fruits” and how easy it is to forget that they may not be the loudest as we look for help from our brother and sisters

see i put it all on myself, like i caused it. i don't know what to think

hmmmm….

One of the first steps to overcoming this is called “reversing” or “reanchoring” and it is basically the process where in as your ex can knock you down in a single word, you can get yourself back up in a single word. As you can spend hours of the day worrying, you can spend hours of the day cultivating gratitude and empowerment. Sounds a lot easier then it is by the way.

Do you have some books, tapes or songs that make you feel really good? How many? What kind?

You may also what to start something called a “power hour” which is basically to start your morning off with an activity (a jog or yoga) where in you reflect on what you are grateful for, force encouraging and powerful self talk (literally say out loud motivating phrases) or make an action play for the day. It works wonders for some.

Also, if you don’t mind me asking; what your diet situation like? How much water do you drink in a day? Food can have a huge impact on how you are feeling and your ability to react (act with ability) to the stressors.

What is your activity situation like? Active job? Do sports? Play with your children? Do extensive house cleaning? Keep a garden?

 

[jill45]

Da Tsar,
You post meant so much to me, you seem to be able to read my words and see exactly where I need the help. I'm short on time right now, but will reread your post and reply soon.
I will think on the positive thinking suggestions you gave me through the day today.

Bless you

 

[jill45]

Hi DaTsar,
It's been awhile since I read your last message, but your ideas and advice has stayed with me.

I certainly wouldn’t expect you to change it every time you expressing yourself (few can), but even if you can stop and correct your self one time out of every hundred it will make a big difference in how you feel.

I have been doing this for the past week, stoping my negative thinking and trying to replace it with an "I can do this". It has made me feel better. It's hard to change some thoughts, but I'm trying.

As far as your next questions:

Ex: (how much do these statements apply)
Very idealistic, wanting to deal with ideas before people or systems?
Very concerned about social status, and the way others think of him?
Very concern with winning (in everything), “dog eat dog world”?

He was very idealistic, had it is his mind exactly how everything should go. He was, and still is very concerned about what others think about him. The last statement doesn't really apply, I don't think. He wants to get ahead in his job, make as much money as he can, and he used to be very competitive in sports.

If someone took him to court and won and he felt he was wronged would he?
a) Complain about it forever, yet never attaching an reactive action to it
b) Make a strategy of revenge, likely isolating the person through connections
c) Throw a rock through their window, or at least seriously consider it
d) Other – please explain

I had to think about this one, I thought a, b, or c could be correct, but a seems most likely. He was very aggressive with me, but wasn't so much with other people.

You: (how much do these statements apply)
I value relationship before ideas?
I always tend to go with the flow?
I have a vivid imagination?
I am continuing finding new interest and adventures?
I get stressed out easily and prefer consistent authority?
People might describe me as a buddy or defender type instead of lover or peacemaker?

I do value relationships before ideas.
I do go with the flow.
Vivid imagination? I'm not sure, but have been told that I'm detail oriented.
Can't say I'm finding new interests or adventures, not much time for that.
The thing that stresses me out the most right now is in raising my kids. It's a lot of pressure. prefer consistent authority?
I'm definately a lover or peacemaker.

Since I last wrote, I'm finding that my ex is calling here alot less often, that has helped with some of what I was talking about. It's only been in the last week, so he could start up again, but I'm trying to keep it to just talking about the kids.

I am guessing that he has isolated you a lot in your marriage and you have little if any exclusive friends,

This is very true, but I met with a girlfriend today for lunch, I'm hoping this friendship will grow and we will be able to talk.

I have went to see a councelor a couple of times recently, but I have found that I'm very sensitive about some things, example I don't want to be criticized in any way. I got so much of that from my ex that any hint of it from someone else puts me on the defensive.
I'm afraid this is going to make me put people at arms length.

As far as diet and activity, I haven't been drinking as much water as I used to, but I've been trying to eat healthier lately. I was taking in too many sweets for awhile there. I have gained probably 10 pounds in the last year, which has added to my being down on myself, I don't feel as well.

I am not very active, I some activity through my job but not enough. I do like working in the yard now that spring is here.

I hope I've answered some questions so that you can help me some more. I'm sorry it's taken me so long to get back on here.
Thank you for your help.

 

[BelovedWord]

there are so many people here, some in my life, nobody really cares, no body can even help me. i don't know why i'm here, why should i stay on this earth? i'm going t hru the motions, nothing makes sense. if this life hurts so bad why shouldn't i just leave it? can anybody tell me?

I can tell you that I care about you! God has plans for you even though you might not know what they are. I can offer to you an attentive ear and offer some solutions if you would like to talk to me. I would love to hear from you and just listen and maybe offer some suggestions to make this like more meaningful for you. Above all though, have total faith in God, he can do much more than I or anyone else can. I will pray for you constantly. Please get back with me, I do not want your suffering to be the end of you. You have true meaning in this world, and you have meaning to me.



God Bless you my friend.

In His Service,

Brian

 

[jill45]

Thank you Brian for the show of concern for me. I do believe people are praying for me, it's seems I've been able to handle some stressful things in my life a little better lately.

I want to have total faith in God, this sounds strange, but sometimes I'm not sure what that means in everyday life. I had faith in Him for so many years, and I do believe my faith in him is what got me through some impossible times. But, I expected God to change things for me, as it turned out, I took things in my own hands and changed my life on my own, and on top of it, I went about it in a way that is so against my church, I got a divorce.

I can just hear some people, wondering if I'm even a christian! I could start rambling on, but in short, I feel lost, afraid, unsure of my faith, I sound very confused, and sometimes I am.

Thank you for your prayers, it means so much to me.

 

[frank1234]

Live because God wants you to.

Hello there. We are all predestined for the wonderful purposes that GOD has for us. The reason we can continue being here is the hope that GOD's plan are being fulfilled in our lives as we speak, and his plans are good. All we can do is hang in there, trusting HIM and His WORD. He says in JEREMIAH that He has good plans for our lives. Also in the book of ACTS says that we must go through many hardships in order to enter the kingdom that is coming.Get in the WORD of GOD with prayer and talk with your pastor or someone who can show you in the WORD about hardships and GOD's faithfullness in the midst of them.These hardships are only temporary and compared to the eternal and beautiful life that is coming for us is insignificant. Ask GOD in prayer to show you in HIS WORD his promises of hope and confidence in HIM. GOD be with you.

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

FYI, although my post is at the top of this thread, I did not make this thread. CF messed up the order of the posts... my post was a reply to the OP.