No reason to live

pyramid33 · Apr 28, 2014

knw1991 said:
The only strength I have is to cry. I want to give up. I'm tired of trying to figure things out and constantly wrestling within myself about my salvation, about what God is like, does he care for us does he hear my prayers, where is he, where was he the times I felt hopeless, and even in my compassion toward suffering people it all just reminds me of how painful this world is. Who can I turn to in times of hopelessness? I'm tired I'm not living I'm just surviving

All negative thought's are an enemy of God. Surely you are aware of it. The devil is a failure since attempting to fight against God.

Lollerskates · Apr 28, 2014

pyramid33 said:
All negative thought's are an enemy of God. Surely you are aware of it. The devil is a failure since attempting to fight against God.

knw1991 said:
Thank you, your message was very encouraging. I never thought I was at the stage where I was strong enough to deal with this as you gave the analogy of the mother and child. I don't really think I'm spiritually strong because I've always struggled with doubting my salvation and I struggled with doubting God's love and compassion. I'm very weak spiritually
Thank You for your message it was very encouraging and insightful it gave me hope

I am glad it helped for the moment, and I hope it will help in the future. I know you are spiritually strong because you are, instead of completely going inside yourself, you are asking your spiritual brothers and sisters for help. The one above (pyramid) - the message I quoted may sound terse, but it is the Truth.

The enemy's only strength, if you want to call it that, is exploiting our lying feelings and inadequacies. It is all lies. What you feel is a lie. Truth is Truth, and doesn't lie. The Truth is that you are fearfully made, and loved by God. If you have accepted Christ as your Savior, and have declared Him with your tongue, then you are saved. Just take that in for a moment: you are loved by the Most High God, fearfully made by Him, and saved by the sacrifice of His son. You are already volumes better off than those spirits that were in the presence of God, but chose to leave Him out of pride and lust. That is why they try their hardest to harm us spiritually, mentally, physically, and emotionally. Their ultimate goal is to wipe the Children of God out. Even God said if He didn't shorten the days there would be no flesh left. So, while it is much easier said than done, remember the Truth - try to temper the "feelings," and if need be, call on God to help with the lies being projected at you.

I believe you *think* you are weak spiritually, but you are actually "low in spirits." There is a huge difference, one being that being low spiritually simply means a sadness and trials: but the person endures through it. That is both strength, and courage - as "though [you] walk through the valley of the shadow of death, [you] feel no evil, because [you know in your mind God is] with [you]." Being weak spiritually means you are a spiritual harlot - you will go after any "man" that jingles spiritual trinkets in your face. Are you following a god that seems more free and happier, or are you trying to strive with God to understand Him, and get closer to Him? Yes, you are not weak spiritually at all, otherwise what you are going through wouldn't be so hard.

Ruthie24 · Apr 28, 2014

It's easy for us to doubt whether God really loves us. Whether Jesus Christ really is present for us in our lives.
Remember when Christ was transfigured and he ascended into heaven? Who did he send after his death, resurrection, and ascension into heaven. He sent his spirit, the Holy Spirit. HS is always trying to get our attention. We have to be able to receive him. The only way I can explain this is through belief, faith, and the power of love. Love is an energetic frequency and Christ knew this 100%. He understands that human love is fallible and does not vibrate at the frequency that his love does. This is because our minds and spirits are often steeped in fear which is the direct opposite of love. Christ knew that because of humanities pact they made with Satan during the fall, that they would always have this battle in their very beings as the dimensions of light and darkness were all around them, but also inside of them. Because our souls temporarily exist inside a finite body, he fully understood the struggle man would encounter as he attempts to strive towards Christ with his human senses. This is where we have to look outside our finite senses as we are limited in our understanding and allow the Holy Spirit to speak to us.

The poster who disrespected you doesn't understand that every human being who is embodied with a soul goes through this struggle.

ToBeBlessed · Apr 28, 2014

knw1991 said:
I'm very weak spiritually

Most people that have any strength spiritually went through a time/many times of being spiritually weak.

Don't compare yourself to anyone else, because God uses different criteria and we don't always know what God thinks.

God thinks the condition of someone's heart is of huge importance.

God thinks that those who seek Him make Him so happy.

It sounds like you have a beautiful heart and are seeking God. You are on your way and in the right direction!

Praying for you.

Chaplain David · Apr 28, 2014

knw1991 said:
Thank you, your message was very encouraging. I never thought I was at the stage where I was strong enough to deal with this as you gave the analogy of the mother and child. I don't really think I'm spiritually strong because I've always struggled with doubting my salvation and I struggled with doubting God's love and compassion. I'm very weak spiritually
Thank You for your message it was very encouraging and insightful it gave me hope

Hello,
I haven't seen you on the forum for a while. I will pray for you. When you have a moment please pray for me too.

Faithfully,
CH Sacerdote

Press On · Apr 28, 2014

Hi KNW........

Not much to add to the wisdom and insight that's been eloquently shared with you by other posters. Please know I'm adding my sincere prayers for you as well.

Jeshu · Apr 29, 2014

Hi sis, just letting you know that I'm praying for you. Our Lord is a powerful God He will get you through this time. Keep calling out to Him, He will answer you with His love when you are open to it.

knw1991 · Apr 29, 2014

Today I've decided to give up. 3 years ago when I accepted Jesus as my savior the downward spiral began with doubting my salvation. I have experienced nothing but depression. Then heartache and betrayal and my father's substance abuse issue has beat me down. I have asked To know God as a father but that prayer has not been answered. Through it all I've gotten worst. I was diagnosed and put on medication. It felt like a slap in the face and betrayal. I tried to follow God but depression has won and I have not found God through this. He seems to be helping others in various ways but not me. I thought the devotional book I was studying on distorted images of God and self would help but every ray of hope fades away. I have not grown spiritually over these 3 years. I feel betrayed and abandoned. I asked for salvation but I got depression instead. I'm alone in this and have to figure it out on my own, I should've counted the cost of salvation.

Ruthie24 · Apr 30, 2014

knw1991 said:
Today I've decided to give up. 3 years ago when I accepted Jesus as my savior the downward spiral began with doubting my salvation. I have experienced nothing but depression. Then heartache and betrayal and my father's substance abuse issue has beat me down. I have asked To know God as a father but that prayer has not been answered. Through it all I've gotten worst. I was diagnosed and put on medication. It felt like a slap in the face and betrayal. I tried to follow God but depression has won and I have not found God through this. He seems to be helping others in various ways but not me. I thought the devotional book I was studying on distorted images of God and self would help but every ray of hope fades away. I have not grown spiritually over these 3 years. I feel betrayed and abandoned. I asked for salvation but I got depression instead. I'm alone in this and have to figure it out on my own, I should've counted the cost of salvation.

knw1991: I know that you are struggling right now with depression. All I ask is that you not give up. Depression is a clinical condition that is helped by medications, support, cognitive behavioral therapy, and self-work. This is difficult to do, especially when you are depressed, because your brain chemistry is not working properly.

What I did in my own recovery from major depression is I take stock of my symptoms every day. Every day I do this. I look at my behaviors, what I do, what I don't do, and how I can fix it. I want to repeat that it's really difficult to become self-aware due to the chemical imbalance, but it is workable. I promise you that. For less than $20 you can get a cognitive behavioral therapy workbook for depression. I don't know if you have health insurance, but if you don't, I would highly recommend that if you can afford the 20 bucks, I would get one of these manuals. I have several in mind. When I get a chance, I will look at my library and pop off some names for you. Depression is manageable. The problem is, the brain chemistry is difficult to work through. This is the crux. When it comes to being a Christian, don't give up on your faith. Salvation has nothing to do with brain chemistry, or the way you were raised, or what is going on with you and your dad. Christ lifts us up in our darkest moments, even when we don't think he is there, he is. I thought God would just magically cure me of my depression when I was really young, or would somehow make my life more manageable. It doesn't work that way. We have the tools to do the work, we just have to work with the tools. When I was in my most deepest depression, I made extremely small goals for the day, very small steps, like getting out of bed, throwing out the trash, taking a shower. When someone is severely depressed, your motor senses are even slower. So that's when you really truly have to give yourself a break and make small steps in your recovery. This is what I did:
1. Psychiatric evaluation
2. Medication
3. Find a therapist
4. CBT work books
5. Set small workable goals every day
6. Do activities I enjoy even IF I don't want to or don't enjoy them anymore
7. Sunlight and exercise (Both increase the hormone levels in your brain
8. Refrain from any negative or depressing media. (I stopped watching TV, I got rid of abusive friends and family, I quit an abusive job, I stopped watching negative and depressing/violent movies)

This was just my own program of care. You may find you can remedy your symptoms with a few of them. My biggest helper of all was incorporating all of them as I was so ill at the time, but depending on the severity of your symptoms, you can incorporate just a few if you feel you are getting well or see a diminishment in symptoms. My absolute #1 helper in this is being self-aware, being non judgmental, and making small steps in recovery.

Hope this helps.

Chaplain David · Apr 30, 2014

Ruthie24 said:
knw1991: I know that you are struggling right now with depression. All I ask is that you not give up. Depression is a clinical condition that is helped by medications, support, cognitive behavioral therapy, and self-work. This is difficult to do, especially when you are depressed, because your brain chemistry is not working properly.

What I did in my own recovery from major depression is I take stock of my symptoms every day. Every day I do this. I look at my behaviors, what I do, what I don't do, and how I can fix it. I want to repeat that it's really difficult to become self-aware due to the chemical imbalance, but it is workable. I promise you that. For less than $20 you can get a cognitive behavioral therapy workbook for depression. I don't know if you have health insurance, but if you don't, I would highly recommend that if you can afford the 20 bucks, I would get one of these manuals. I have several in mind. When I get a chance, I will look at my library and pop off some names for you. Depression is manageable. The problem is, the brain chemistry is difficult to work through. This is the crux. When it comes to being a Christian, don't give up on your faith. Salvation has nothing to do with brain chemistry, or the way you were raised, or what is going on with you and your dad. Christ lifts us up in our darkest moments, even when we don't think he is there, he is. I thought God would just magically cure me of my depression when I was really young, or would somehow make my life more manageable. It doesn't work that way. We have the tools to do the work, we just have to work with the tools. When I was in my most deepest depression, I made extremely small goals for the day, very small steps, like getting out of bed, throwing out the trash, taking a shower. When someone is severely depressed, your motor senses are even slower. So that's when you really truly have to give yourself a break and make small steps in your recovery. This is what I did:
1. Psychiatric evaluation
2. Medication
3. Find a therapist
4. CBT work books
5. Set small workable goals every day
6. Do activities I enjoy even IF I don't want to or don't enjoy them anymore
7. Sunlight and exercise (Both increase the hormone levels in your brain
8. Refrain from any negative or depressing media. (I stopped watching TV, I got rid of abusive friends and family, I quit an abusive job, I stopped watching negative and depressing/violent movies)

This was just my own program of care. You may find you can remedy your symptoms with a few of them. My biggest helper of all was incorporating all of them as I was so ill at the time, but depending on the severity of your symptoms, you can incorporate just a few if you feel you are getting well or see a diminishment in symptoms. My absolute #1 helper in this is being self-aware, being non judgmental, and making small steps in recovery.

Hope this helps.

This is an excellent post and IMO really good advice. The only thing I would add is that we should also try to do something that helps others. There are many that have problems and are suffering. We can offer the unique perspective of having been there.

KNW, please don't give up. If you feel that you cannot hold it together any longer or are serious about hurting yourself please call 911 right away, go to the nearest hospital's Emergency Room, or contact law enforcement.

I know it seems like you will never feel better but I'm sure that you will. Sometimes it takes longer for some of us. I'm praying for you and everyone here.

Faithfully,
CH Sacerdote

ToBeBlessed · Apr 30, 2014

Everyday is a struggle with depression. We are all here for you. Talk to us we want to help!

knw1991 · May 4, 2014

There is no hope for the hopeless. I tried going to the ER before and I was just sent to a facility where I was treated as a prisoner. I'm not ashamed at all to say I have lost this battle and my life is over. I cannot fight my reality

Spunkn · May 4, 2014

Still praying for you. If you need to skype or want to talk let me know.

I know it's hard, and it feels like we often get up only to fall back down again but I believe God loves you more than you realize. God cared enough about you, to give up His only Son.

I think you are a very talented and great person. I know this is hard, but even if you give up on yourself, I haven't given up on you and neither has God.

knw1991 · May 4, 2014

Thank you spunkn.i just don't feel that I can come out or even get through this. Maybe accepting that I really am worthless will stop the struggle within me and I can at least have an identity.

Spunkn · May 4, 2014

You're not worthless. You were created by God to be loved and accepted by Him. You have an identity in Christ.

Ephesians 1:5 He predestined us to adoption as sons through Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the kind intention of His will,

Did something happen recently that's made you feel down again?

knw1991 · May 4, 2014

Thank you.
No I struggle every day with thoughts that hurt because they confirm and agree with my reality. I'm angry that my "father" does not want to get help for his addiction. I feel lane and I'm afraid I'll always be alone. I feel disconnected from God because even when I exercise faith everything falls apart again. I don't believe I've been saved. If I fail to trust God with my life I don't think I've really trusted him to save me. I want to go to heaven but I don't know if i have a saving faith for salvation

Spunkn · May 4, 2014

You're not alone. I'm here. Others on this website are here too. You can message me anytime. If you want someone to call I'll give you my phone number. Or you can have my email. Whatever it takes.

When you exercise faith, the enemy wants to discourage you. Satan wants you to feel that the more you exercise faith, the more you fail. He doesn't want you growing closer to God.

Once you accept Christ, once you are sealed for eternity. There's no losing of your salvation. That doesn't mean you can't doubt your salvation, but you can't lose it.

Because you are doubting your salvation doesn't mean that you aren't saved. Far from it. If anything, it almost reinforces to me that you ARE saved. Why would someone who doesn't care about God be worried about salvation. They wouldn't be. But someone who is saved, Satan is going to attack them and cause them to doubt.

He wants to convince you that you aren't good enough, you haven't done enough good works, you haven't "trusted" enough or whatever the reason may be.

But that's all a lie.

It doesn't matter. God loves you anyway and He still died for you. ALL of you. The weaknesses, the hurts, the broken past, the anger, everything.

knw1991 · May 4, 2014

Thank you so much Kevin. You're right.

I got a lot of hope out of your post. Thanks everyone for your posts

Ruthie24 · May 4, 2014

What i know about major depression is that it's a daily struggle that i battle with every day on some level.

You are obviously a beautiful woman with much to give. Don't give up hope.

ToBeBlessed · May 4, 2014

I would like to see you call Spunkin. I think that is a very good idea.

Please let us help you! You are important to us!

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