No means No

[Rembrandtfan]

How do you handle it when you try to politely tell someone "no", but they won't accept it and persist?

 

[QUALITYWOMAN]

some People Don't Get It. Its Said That When You Say No To Someone ,and They Still Persist, They Are Trying To Control You. You Do Not Want To Be Controlled.

 

[whatisyourstory]

I hate when people do that. If I say no I mean no. Stop asking. I find it very rude for someone to keep asking.

 

[HeyHomie]

Context?

 

[Andry]

Yup, often it depends on the context and also the culture.

 

[FaithfulWife]

I agree with the above--context is important.

If people at church just expect you to run VBS again this summer but your spouse just had surgery and you just can not do it, I would say that calls for something like placing your hand on the person's arm and saying, "{Name} I do understand that I ran it for the past 3 years but this year my spouse is having surgery and it is NOT possible for me to participate this year."

On the other hand, if it is your SPOUSE being forceful or maybe someone with some biblical authority such as a pastor, elder, or maybe a parent--then some cultural differences may come into play etc. Those are people we have been commanded to respect, so if nothing else they are due the second thought that they have some maturity and they may have a point. But sometimes even your parents are demanding and unrealistic in which case once again I would just say "I'm sorry but I already said I was not able to do that and I really am NOT able. The answer is no and I would like you to accept that answer."

 

[Autumnleaf]

Say, "I just threw up in my mouth." and walk away.

 

[nowhereville]

It depends greatly on the situation at hand if it's a social setting with someone you barely know - that's rude. If it's your spouse - it could be abuse.

more details would help.

 

[TankGirl]

When teaching Personal, Social & Health Ed classes, we would role play with the kids on boundary issues. The advice is to look the person in the eye, and calmly, quietly say no. Repeat twice if required, then calmly, quietly, remove yourself from the situation.

 

[Autumnleaf]

When teaching Personal, Social & Health Ed classes, we would role play with the kids on boundary issues. The advice is to look the person in the eye, and calmly, quietly say no. Repeat twice if required, then calmly, quietly, remove yourself from the situation.

Where does this advice come from? Has it been tried in real life by real people before teaching it? I know trained salespeople who have been taught to ignore every 'no' until a person physically distances themself from the seller. These people are both rude and pushy and they make a lot of money selling stuff.

 

[snoochface]

I find silence works well. Stare directly in their eyes with a pitying smile, projecting the thought, "You poor thing, how unfortunate for you that you can't understand such a simple word as 'no'", and say nothing. Let them say what they want to say, then offer the pitying smile again and say, "Well, it was nice speaking with you." And walk away.

 

[Andry]

A cultural or social example may be in the offering of food or drink. Often the host would be considered rude if they accepted the first 'no thank you' for a 'no'.

 

[Mayzoo]

A no without an explanation is typically less likely to be repeatedly ignored (in my experience). And, then yes I just wait them out looking them in the eye. People get the hint fairly quick when you don't keep explaining.

If I am in an ornery mood, and I don't think I will offend to much (or it is someone who might need to be offended for the sake of the point), I ask "which part of no did you not understand?"

 

[hisbloodformysins]

How do you handle it when you try to politely tell someone "no", but they won't accept it and persist?

Hmmm, sometimes i'm very straight forward and a little mean about it.

Sometimes I just ignore them as if there is no more conversation to be had... it's pretty easy to do that with some people because some people I deal with just beat around the bush (a pet peave of mine) so unless they are direct they never asked in my opinion.

But with those who get pushy I get assertive. Like my boss for example.. he's really all in all a good guy, but he gets kind of manipulative when he wants me to work outside a scheduled shift... he'll come up with different ways of trying to make me feel guilty or obligated. I just get straight forward with him and don't let him bully me into it. He will get mad about it sometimes.

Those people can and do get mad when you make it clear that they aren't going to bully you into something... but you have to look at it this way- their anger is their problem, not yours!

Hope that helps.

 

[hisbloodformysins]

A no without an explanation is typically less likely to be repeatedly ignored (in my experience). And, then yes I just wait them out looking them in the eye. People get the hint fairly quick when you don't keep explaining.

If I am in an ornery mood, and I don't think I will offend to much (or it is someone who might need to be offended for the sake of the point), I ask "which part of no did you not understand?"

I agree with this!

I generally don't make excuses or explain myself. You don't have to. You don't have a have a reason why. If they ask, you can simply say "because I don't want to and I don't have to" and leave it at that. she's right, if you just remain silent like on the phone, or just say no and look them in the eye until they realize their waiting for an explanation won't do them anygood... they'll usually say "ok" and walk away... or maybe they'll try to manipulate by giving you excuses... I get annoyed with this--

sometimes I'll say "oh, well, that sucks for you" (or depending on who I'm talking to or the situation i'll word it a little differently like "oh, (sigh) that's just too bad.. I hope it works out for you" (though you really care less)... and walk away or continue with whatever you were doing before they decided to come and try to manipulate you.

There are so many different angles people will take... some will get mad and try to intimidate, some will give you a pitiful story, some will be extra sweet with a fake smile plastered on their face sort of like the idea "bat your eyes and you'll get your way". Regardless of what angle they take- it's shear manipulation and control.

No means no! Period.

Oh, you can give it back how they dish it... those who try to make you feel guilty, use the same tone and give your own sob story in reply... make it sound just as whiney, or make them feel just as guilty, or be just as sugary sweet. I guess that's my way of being sarcastic with them. Just an idea.

HB

 

[hisbloodformysins]

Where does this advice come from? Has it been tried in real life by real people before teaching it? I know trained salespeople who have been taught to ignore every 'no' until a person physically distances themself from the seller. These people are both rude and pushy and they make a lot of money selling stuff.

I would be and have been very aggressive with such a person. I'd call them on it. And if they refused to listen, I would leave, tell them I'm taking my business elsewhere and tell them why.. and I probably would not go back there again.

I don't put up with sales people on the phone... they are told not to accept no. I say no, then when they continue- *CLICK* solved that problem. Oh, and I might say something like "take me off your calling list" right before I hang up.

HB

 

[janny108]

Sometimes you just have to change what you are doing. Resist the urge to have to "explain everything" until another person can accept what you are saying.(especially if you really know the person) We don't need to convince people why we are saying no.

Jan

 

[Rembrandtfan]

Yes, I am finding this to be true also. When you try to explain, they try to find a way to get around your explanation. If you turn down an invitation by saying , "I can't make it, I have to _____" then they say "Well can't you just drop by for a few minutes?" or "Well, why don't you drop by after you ____?" Sometimes I'll just say I have plans because truthfully, I am not interested, and the person tries to find a way to get me to come and I feel like I am being trapped into it. I feel like what I need to do is call this person on what they are doing, bring it to their attention that they are not respecting my "no". I am realizing that I don't need to justify myself for saying "no".

I agree about pushy salespeople. I understand they have to make a living, but I think their approach is all wrong. For my own good, I have to just say "no thank you" and walk away or hang up the phone. Otherwise, I would be making all kinds of unwise purchases.