It dawned on me yesterday, as i sat around the fire pit with good friends, that something was wrong. It had been a good day - my friend Tracy was making curtains for me, i was cleaning the house, the sun was shining, the weather was wonderful. I had the opportunity to stay in my pity blanket, but God had other plans. His idea was better.
But i felt awkward throughout the day. I couldn't pinpoint the reason, I couldn't shake the feeling. I knew something wasn't right, and I knew that it was something in me.
I once had a great friend, a person who was a support, a confidant, a rock in my life. She told me when I relayed the news that I had fallen in love and was planning to marry this person, that I needed to slow down and just "give it time." How could I? She was the one - the only one. And I had known that for almost 1/2 my life. She told me that she had a feeling that the month of September was going to be a bad month. I thought she was foolish.... she may have been right. As I look back on the month of September, I see a trend.
September 11 will forever be burdoned on the hearts and minds of all Americans. It was the day that a symbol of our freedom fell. That day, my then fiance, was out of town on business. We were not together, she was stranded. She was scared, I was scared. She was able to rent a car and drive 10 hours home with coworkers.
September 16, 1999 marked the day my father passed from this Earth. He had been waiting for a heart transplant, so the news did not come as a complete shock. I knew he had died the night before, without talking to anyone. I had a feeling, and I just knew - I had called the night before to ask him, for the very first time ever, to spend time with me doing something important in my life. I had earlier that month realized that I needed to reconnect with my father, make up for past mistakes and become friends. I didn't get that opportunity. When I called home that night, no one answered - my Mom was babysitting but Dad shoudl have been available to pick up the phone. I immediately knew someting was wrong. I immediately knew what. But i decided it was too far to drive to find out the truth. I didn't get that opportunity. I didn't get to say good-bye. I didn't get to tell him I loved him.
September 22 is my anniversary. The celebration of the day that we committed our hearts, our love, our lives to each other. What a great day it was... what a different day it has become. Last year marked a turning point for our marriage and our lives, but the direction we went was not the one I would have chosen. As with my father, I live with the knowledge that I knew something was dieing, yet I felt powerless to do anything about it. Perhaps I thought it was too much work, or I wasn't strong enough, or maybe it was just too far to drive.
September 24th is my parents anniversary. They were struggling the last many number of years, and my mother had at one point stated that she was seriously considering divorce. I can't remember the last time I saw them celebrate their anniversary.
September 29 is the celebration of the day that my ex-wife entered this world. No doubt screaming and crying... I will not be able to celebrate that day with her this year. But it is a day I will thank God for continually - she is such a gift to her family, to her friends, to this world. And she was a gift to me.
So I've decided that I will skip September next year. Given it has 30 days, just like April, June and November, I have only three months that I can select from. I've decided that next year I will enjoy two months of June. June is a nice month. The sun shines, the weather is nice, plants are blooming, critters are scurrying. It's a month of life, a month of hope. It's no surprise that it's the most popular month for weddings.
Next year, my calendar will contain two months of June, and not a single mention of September.
bkg
But i felt awkward throughout the day. I couldn't pinpoint the reason, I couldn't shake the feeling. I knew something wasn't right, and I knew that it was something in me.
I once had a great friend, a person who was a support, a confidant, a rock in my life. She told me when I relayed the news that I had fallen in love and was planning to marry this person, that I needed to slow down and just "give it time." How could I? She was the one - the only one. And I had known that for almost 1/2 my life. She told me that she had a feeling that the month of September was going to be a bad month. I thought she was foolish.... she may have been right. As I look back on the month of September, I see a trend.
September 11 will forever be burdoned on the hearts and minds of all Americans. It was the day that a symbol of our freedom fell. That day, my then fiance, was out of town on business. We were not together, she was stranded. She was scared, I was scared. She was able to rent a car and drive 10 hours home with coworkers.
September 16, 1999 marked the day my father passed from this Earth. He had been waiting for a heart transplant, so the news did not come as a complete shock. I knew he had died the night before, without talking to anyone. I had a feeling, and I just knew - I had called the night before to ask him, for the very first time ever, to spend time with me doing something important in my life. I had earlier that month realized that I needed to reconnect with my father, make up for past mistakes and become friends. I didn't get that opportunity. When I called home that night, no one answered - my Mom was babysitting but Dad shoudl have been available to pick up the phone. I immediately knew someting was wrong. I immediately knew what. But i decided it was too far to drive to find out the truth. I didn't get that opportunity. I didn't get to say good-bye. I didn't get to tell him I loved him.
September 22 is my anniversary. The celebration of the day that we committed our hearts, our love, our lives to each other. What a great day it was... what a different day it has become. Last year marked a turning point for our marriage and our lives, but the direction we went was not the one I would have chosen. As with my father, I live with the knowledge that I knew something was dieing, yet I felt powerless to do anything about it. Perhaps I thought it was too much work, or I wasn't strong enough, or maybe it was just too far to drive.
September 24th is my parents anniversary. They were struggling the last many number of years, and my mother had at one point stated that she was seriously considering divorce. I can't remember the last time I saw them celebrate their anniversary.
September 29 is the celebration of the day that my ex-wife entered this world. No doubt screaming and crying... I will not be able to celebrate that day with her this year. But it is a day I will thank God for continually - she is such a gift to her family, to her friends, to this world. And she was a gift to me.
So I've decided that I will skip September next year. Given it has 30 days, just like April, June and November, I have only three months that I can select from. I've decided that next year I will enjoy two months of June. June is a nice month. The sun shines, the weather is nice, plants are blooming, critters are scurrying. It's a month of life, a month of hope. It's no surprise that it's the most popular month for weddings.
Next year, my calendar will contain two months of June, and not a single mention of September.
bkg