I want to know what other of you did to help you with your walk when being single? My ex and I were both Christians and it seemed easier to follow the lord when we were together. I still want to follow the lord without her. Any advice?
-
Starting today August 7th, 2024, in order to post in the Married Couples, Courting Couples, or Singles forums, you will not be allowed to post if you have your Marital status designated as private. Announcements will be made in the respective forums as well but please note that if yours is currently listed as Private, you will need to submit a ticket in the Support Area to have yours changed.
-
CF has always been a site that welcomes people from different backgrounds and beliefs to participate in discussion and even debate. That is the nature of its ministry. In view of recent events emotions are running very high. We need to remind people of some basic principles in debating on this site. We need to be civil when we express differences in opinion. No personal attacks. Avoid you, your statements. Don't characterize an entire political party with comparisons to Fascism or Communism or other extreme movements that committed atrocities. CF is not the place for broad brush or blanket statements about groups and political parties. Put the broad brushes and blankets away when you come to CF, better yet, put them in the incinerator. Debate had no place for them. We need to remember that people that commit acts of violence represent themselves or a small extreme faction.
Newly single
- Thread starter rburdge84
- Start date
dayhiker
Mature veteran
- Sep 13, 2006
- 15,562
- 5,307
- Gender
- Male
- Faith
- Charismatic
- Marital Status
- In Relationship
- Politics
- US-Others
When I got divorced I just recalculated that now it was what is the Holy Spirit going to lead me to do and not what is the Holy Spirit going to lead my family to do.
Since the two commands are to love God and to love people, its basically to do that.
Since the two commands are to love God and to love people, its basically to do that.
Upvote
0
dayhiker
Mature veteran
- Sep 13, 2006
- 15,562
- 5,307
- Gender
- Male
- Faith
- Charismatic
- Marital Status
- In Relationship
- Politics
- US-Others
I was thinking about a home for us to live in, I was thinking about what she would like to do whit vacations, I was thinking about time to visit her family, a car for her, etc.
Upvote
0
Servant68
Sleepless 300 miles from Seattle
- Jun 30, 2015
- 1,470
- 1,510
- Country
- United States
- Gender
- Male
- Faith
- Non-Denom
- Marital Status
- Single
I can definitely feel your pain, man... I was married to a "Christian" woman for 20 years who kept telling me I wasn't a Christian because of every little fault she could find. Get mad in traffic? Obviously not full of the Spirit. Drink too much at a party? Not a Christian. Lose your temper when working on a project? Not a Christian.
In the end, she ended up starting a romance on Facebook with an old boyfriend and asking for a divorce. I guess that's "Christian"...??
I was pretty bitter and went to a Christian therapist who set me straight in regards to confidence in my faith. I KNOW I'm saved by grace and no one can take that away from me. I've been divorced for three years or so now and have found a church I am ready to invest in spiritually and financially.
It's not easy, though. I've found that most, if not all, churches are very much centered around the ideal of a Christian man and a Christian woman falling in love in their 20's and getting married, having kids, and raising a family. There is no end of support in today's church for the family.
There is also no end of support for the elderly, for the teens, for the college singles, etc, etc...
Try being a single guy in your forties and finding a church group for you. There is none. I went to a church that instead of having a variety of Sunday school classes, had "home groups". I was assigned a group based on my geographic location and work schedule. I went a few times and the people were great, friendly, loving Christians. But... They were all married couples raising pre-teen kids. They organized group activities around kid-friendly activities like bonfires and bowling.
It was not a good fit. I went to a church 3 blocks away from me with a great pastor and sound teachings. It is a small church with maybe 40 people there on Sunday. All the members are either young families, elderly widows, or old couples. I just didn't fit in.
I avoided going to church because I simply felt like an outsider. Then I caught myself deciding what church to go to based on how many single women there were instead of the quality of the teaching. I rebuked myself and decided on a larger church with rock-solid teaching and a diverse congregation. I no longer view church as a place to go to meet women, but as a place to go to be fed spiritually.
And don't go to the same church your ex-wife and you went; that will be a disaster. I moved 1200 miles away from where my ex and I lived the last seven years of our marriage.
In the end, she ended up starting a romance on Facebook with an old boyfriend and asking for a divorce. I guess that's "Christian"...??
I was pretty bitter and went to a Christian therapist who set me straight in regards to confidence in my faith. I KNOW I'm saved by grace and no one can take that away from me. I've been divorced for three years or so now and have found a church I am ready to invest in spiritually and financially.
It's not easy, though. I've found that most, if not all, churches are very much centered around the ideal of a Christian man and a Christian woman falling in love in their 20's and getting married, having kids, and raising a family. There is no end of support in today's church for the family.
There is also no end of support for the elderly, for the teens, for the college singles, etc, etc...
Try being a single guy in your forties and finding a church group for you. There is none. I went to a church that instead of having a variety of Sunday school classes, had "home groups". I was assigned a group based on my geographic location and work schedule. I went a few times and the people were great, friendly, loving Christians. But... They were all married couples raising pre-teen kids. They organized group activities around kid-friendly activities like bonfires and bowling.
It was not a good fit. I went to a church 3 blocks away from me with a great pastor and sound teachings. It is a small church with maybe 40 people there on Sunday. All the members are either young families, elderly widows, or old couples. I just didn't fit in.
I avoided going to church because I simply felt like an outsider. Then I caught myself deciding what church to go to based on how many single women there were instead of the quality of the teaching. I rebuked myself and decided on a larger church with rock-solid teaching and a diverse congregation. I no longer view church as a place to go to meet women, but as a place to go to be fed spiritually.
And don't go to the same church your ex-wife and you went; that will be a disaster. I moved 1200 miles away from where my ex and I lived the last seven years of our marriage.
Upvote
0
dayhiker
Mature veteran
- Sep 13, 2006
- 15,562
- 5,307
- Gender
- Male
- Faith
- Charismatic
- Marital Status
- In Relationship
- Politics
- US-Others
I can relate to a lot of what you say, servant.
I've been going to an AG church that has a lot of people in different places in their life. The teaching is good and they have a lot of classes geared toward specific groups with specific needs. Like I took Grief Share when my mom passed a couple of years ago. It was really good. I have a Bible degree and have studied the Bible and theology for 50 yrs now. So most classes are repeat and I usually find pretty boring as I know at least as much as the teacher. Most teachers I find only know one side of a doctrine the church teaches. Since I've studied both(all) sides of many issues I find few can apprecate the other side and even feel threatened of its brought up from a positive place.
While I know a quite a few church members, I only seriously talk with one person, an other single guy almost my age. I'm 64. There are divorced single ladies my age at church but they would want to get married and I have not desire to be married again. I do want a lot of close friends. After my divorce I set out to have more friends, male and female. Now I have so many that I have a hard time keeping up with them. Most are not church people. Since I'm not so church centric I find I get to share mt love for Jesus much more than I did when I was in church most of the time. There is one lady I see who wants to marry me. But she would take over my life if I didn't keep planing my activities. The last thing I want is a woman even tho I love her, running my life and planning what I do. She lives an hour flight away, so I only see her ever 4 -6 weeks. That way I have time to hang out with my other friends. One thing I like so going on a singles cruise ever year or so. So that isn't compatible with marring her.
Anyways ... as a single I can love the people God puts in my path and that's what I love as well.
I've been going to an AG church that has a lot of people in different places in their life. The teaching is good and they have a lot of classes geared toward specific groups with specific needs. Like I took Grief Share when my mom passed a couple of years ago. It was really good. I have a Bible degree and have studied the Bible and theology for 50 yrs now. So most classes are repeat and I usually find pretty boring as I know at least as much as the teacher. Most teachers I find only know one side of a doctrine the church teaches. Since I've studied both(all) sides of many issues I find few can apprecate the other side and even feel threatened of its brought up from a positive place.
While I know a quite a few church members, I only seriously talk with one person, an other single guy almost my age. I'm 64. There are divorced single ladies my age at church but they would want to get married and I have not desire to be married again. I do want a lot of close friends. After my divorce I set out to have more friends, male and female. Now I have so many that I have a hard time keeping up with them. Most are not church people. Since I'm not so church centric I find I get to share mt love for Jesus much more than I did when I was in church most of the time. There is one lady I see who wants to marry me. But she would take over my life if I didn't keep planing my activities. The last thing I want is a woman even tho I love her, running my life and planning what I do. She lives an hour flight away, so I only see her ever 4 -6 weeks. That way I have time to hang out with my other friends. One thing I like so going on a singles cruise ever year or so. So that isn't compatible with marring her.
Anyways ... as a single I can love the people God puts in my path and that's what I love as well.
Upvote
0
Similar threads
