Newbie, Looking for advice......

[ChopsMcgraw]

Hello all, it's a pleasure to be here. Let me cut to the situation. I have been dating a girl for the last 5 years, and she feels that it is time to move on to the next stage in our relationship, more specifically, marriage. This is all well and good, as we get along great, but the problem for me lies in the differences in religious beliefs. She is a Jehovah's Witness, and I am protestant. As one could imagine, there are tremendous differences in the way we view the bible, and even the world in general. (I already know all the little wierd details about the JW cult, have even attended a meeting) She feels that we would be able to work through those differences with time and patience, and that the love we have is worth making the effort for. I have my doubts however, and don't want to find myself in the bad situation of trying to leave a marriage and possibly children in a couple of years. Over the last few months she has been bringing up marriage with greater regularity, and has said the relationship will end if something is not determined by the time I graduate in December. I honestly do not know what to do or say, I can't imagine breaking up with her, yet at the same time I do not feel comfortable in proposing. Could I get some advice, or more specifically, some bible verses relevant to my situation. I thank you ahead of time for your thoughts/advice, and would really appreciate some help with this situation, because I am totally at a loss, unable to view the situation impartially...



ChopsMcgraw

 

[DaveKerwin]

I believe your differences are not reconcilable. You made a mistake in dating her to begin with. The scripture tells us to be equally yoked. Jehovah's witnesses are NOT the truth. I say break up with her. Do you know about how the Bible tells us to be equally yoked?

 

[LadyBird]

Well, you did make a BIG mistake to date her in the first place because the bible says to be equally yolked...which you are not. I can see why she wants to get married if you have been dating for 5 years but it sounds to me that she is really pressuring you to propose, which by the sounds of it, you don't want to do or don't feel comfortable doing. She should not be pressuring you or threatening to break it off if she doesn't get a ring on her finger by December. Just talk to her about this problem and tell what is going on your head...maybe you guys can figure something out. The only advice I can really offer you is that, if you really want to marry her, perhaps tell her that you want your kids to raised with your beliefs...other than that...you got me. Sorry...this is hard situation. But good luck and tell us what happens!

 

[desi]

Tell her you will marry her if she leaves JW and accepts your form of Christianity. Point out it will work no other way and as much as you love her you will not change your mind or compromise on this issue.

 

[E-beth]

By all means, if you feel pressured into an engagement that you don't feel is right for you, for whatever reason don't do it! Marriage is too big a deal to be pretending something that you don't feel.

God loves you and wants you to be happy. Don't compromise your beliefs at any cost. If God indeed presses upon you to end the relationship, He will make it easier to heal from the heartache.

 

[ebd]

hi ChopsMcGraw:

The verse that the others have been referring to is 2 Corinthians 6:14. "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?"

Vs. !5 says, "What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?"

Also, in the Old Testament, you can study the life of Solomon. He was King David's son, who married 700 women and had 300 concubines. In 1 Kings 11:1-6, it describes what happened to him as a result of marrying unbelievers.

1 Kings 11:1-6 "King Solomon, however, loved many foreign women besides Pharoah's daughter - Moabites, Ammonites, Edomites, Sidonians and Hittites. They were from nations about which the Lord had told the Isrealites, "You must not intermarry with them, because they will surely turn your hearts after their gods. Nevertheless, Solomon held fast to them in love. He had seven hundred wives of royal birth and three hundred concubines, and his wives led him astray. As Solomon grew old, his wives turned his heart after other gods, and his heart was not fully devoted to the Lord his God, as the heart of David his father had been. He followed Ashtoreth the goddess of the Sidonians, and Molech the detestable god of the Ammonites. So Solomon did evil in the eyes of the Lord; he did not follow the Lord completely, as David his father had done."

It sounds like you already recognize that Jehovah's Witnesses are not truly believers of Christ...they worship another god than the one we worship and are therefore unbelievers.

As things presently stand with you and your girlfriend, I think that marriage to her at this time is not a good idea. I agree with another poster here...that she should first become a believer in Christ, and accept Jesus as her Lord and Savior first...and then you could prayerfully consider the possibility of marriage to her. If she will not believe, then it would be best for you to let her go. In that case, God may have something better for you than marriage to an unbeliever. (Perhaps the Lord may have some other purpose for you...or a believing woman in store for you in your future.)

God bless you.

ebd

 

[enslow]

I would not use the ultimatum idea that "if you don't accept Christ as your saviour, the relationship is over". That is basically a scare tactic to make her believe, and if she does become 'saved', it may not be truthful.

I do caution thinking of your relationship as a 'mistake'. Perhaps you thought that she would see the mistakes of her ways over time, and become Christian. Unfortunately this has not happened. I was unequally yoked in my previous marriage, and am now divorced. Hence, I would advise against it, although I have heard of a couple (Jewish and Muslim) having a successful marriage.
Enslow

 

[DaveKerwin]

Oh, one more thing, don't just give her the "God" excuse to break up with her. You obviously do not enjoy her very much as a person. I would not phrase it like that when you break it to her. But don't give her an excuse to hate christians because you gave the God excuse.

So what do you think of all this??????????????

 

[ChopsMcgraw]

Well, I can of course see where all of you are coming from. Again, I realize that I'm in a bad situation, it's just very hard to leave her, it's not like shes a bad person, or we don't get along. The most important thing to me in all this is trying to keep her from getting hurt, but I don't think thats going to be possible. I really do appreciate all the responses, it's good to get a different perspective, hard for me to look in at a distance ya know? The idea of delivering my own ultimatum has occurred to me, convert or I'm gone, but then she may be doing it for the wrong reason, leading to resentment at her choice later in life, and the fact that she can longer longer see her family. Man, this is a drag. I have done some pretty intense research on the group (JW cult) in the hopes of showing the errors to her, but it usually backfires into tears once the conversation begins. It seems that the group holds very tight control over its members (one author would suggest orwellian type control) and any action against the church is taken VERY seriously, leading to being barred from the church, your family won't talk to you, etc... Because of this, it is very hard to get her too consider life in another church, because to her, she would be betraying her family. Anybody have any JW experiences, preferrably positive ones? And thank you for taking the time to share the scripture-




ChopsMcgraw

 

[DaveKerwin]

you may want to ask the question about JW family ties thing in a different forum, you may get more responces there.

sounds like a toughy. Maybe you can start a new conversation and tell her what you think about your different faiths, and see what she says. (at least do her the favor of telling her it is a concern for you, a worry for you)

 

[obediah001]

You may look up Truths That transform radio program they have done some good programs on JW's & offer some good materials & tapes of the programs aired on radio & internety I recorded them myself for future use - study.

 

[TCapp]

What would any potential children be taught? What happens if her JW folks pressure her to convert you? I say "if" because I don't know their issues on that.

I'm sure you're familiar with the blood transfusion problems. It would be very bad if either of you, or your children, ever needed blood due to an accident or whatever.

How will you celebrate birthdays and holidays? How about having flags or singing national anthems? What happens if she gets disfellowshiped and she is shunned by her peers and any family members who are also JW's (assuming she has any)?

JW's don't believe that Jesus is God. Does that have any impact on you?

It seems too problem-laden. But the ball is in your court, friend. God bless you and may He help you do what you need to do.

 

[desi]

Well, I can of course see where all of you are coming from. Again, I realize that I'm in a bad situation, it's just very hard to leave her, it's not like shes a bad person, or we don't get along. The most important thing to me in all this is trying to keep her from getting hurt, but I don't think thats going to be possible. I really do appreciate all the responses, it's good to get a different perspective, hard for me to look in at a distance ya know? The idea of delivering my own ultimatum has occurred to me, convert or I'm gone, but then she may be doing it for the wrong reason, leading to resentment at her choice later in life, and the fact that she can longer longer see her family. Man, this is a drag. I have done some pretty intense research on the group (JW cult) in the hopes of showing the errors to her, but it usually backfires into tears once the conversation begins. It seems that the group holds very tight control over its members (one author would suggest orwellian type control) and any action against the church is taken VERY seriously, leading to being barred from the church, your family won't talk to you, etc... Because of this, it is very hard to get her too consider life in another church, because to her, she would be betraying her family. Anybody have any JW experiences, preferrably positive ones? And thank you for taking the time to share the scripture-




ChopsMcgraw

That church sounds nasty. Your situation reminds me of the movie Splash with Tom Hanks and Daryl Hannah. Either jump in with her or she's gone. There is no way you can expect her to defy and give up everyone she loves in her life for you.

 

[cutekid 4 Jesus]

What would any potential children be taught? What happens if her JW folks pressure her to convert you? I say "if" because I don't know their issues on that.

I'm sure you're familiar with the blood transfusion problems. It would be very bad if either of you, or your children, ever needed blood due to an accident or whatever.

How will you celebrate birthdays and holidays? How about having flags or singing national anthems? What happens if she gets disfellowshiped and she is shunned by her peers and any family members who are also JW's (assuming she has any)?

JW's don't believe that Jesus is God. Does that have any impact on you?

It seems too problem-laden. But the ball is in your court, friend. God bless you and may He help you do what you need to do.

I am pretty sure that marrying a non JW will probably result in disfellowship or they will try hard to convert you first and will insist the kids attend kingdom hall.