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Gwenhyver · Nov 14, 2006

Hi! I very recently came across the term "quiverfull" and couldn't be happier! Myself and my fiance are devoted Christians, and believe that raising children along His path is the greatest offering we can give our Lord.

We'd love to start our family, and had planned to get married sooner rather than latter, but some problems have creeped up, which is my reason for posting.

Our parents are very much against this life plan, mine more than his. My mother has gone so far as to threaten not accepting any grandchildren after our first two (the "limit" in her opinion). Our parents have always been at odds with our faith, insisting that we should be going out and having "fun", rather than giving our time to the Church.

Has anyone else encountered such hostility when it comes to planning large families?

CelticRose · Nov 14, 2006

Yes, but we had the kids anyway and they loved them all. My father in particular would constantly say we couldn't just go on keeping on having kids. We didn't argue with him but the kids arrived in God's time. However even he never threatened to not accept his own grandchild.

Katakalupto · Nov 14, 2006

Yeah I've faced opposition from my parents too. My parents even bought me bc pills after my daughter was born. I gave in when I knew that I shouldn't be using it, and I had a miscarriage because of it, and now am having problems conceiving. I have no doubt that my family would be thankful if I never had anymore children. My parents feel we are overly religious. But they are learning to accept us as we are.

Gwenhyver · Nov 14, 2006

I'm hoping that the threat is just my dad trying to scare us. I'm so glad to have found this forum! This is the first time I've had believe Believe Me (let alone understand) when I said my parents think we're too religious, most just say "any parent would be happy you're on a good path".

That's really heart breaking Progress, tho not suprising. The first time I had a pap done the doctor was VERY insistant I go on birth control, to the point of raising her voice. She absolutly refused to believe that I was not sexual active, having said previously that I was in a committed relationship.

I was speaking to the other-half today, and the wedding may be in about 2 months (it's very small, we're still working things out with the Church). I'm so excited!!

Katakalupto · Nov 14, 2006

Congratulations on your upcoming wedding!! Yeah parents with the best intentions can be a child's worst enemy at times without even realizing it.

faithgoeson · Nov 14, 2006

Gwen, I am also engaged to a man who embraces the quiverfull way of life. Maybe we'll be a good support to one another. I remember when my late husband and I had our children. We had three in less than 4 yrs., and our families were beyond upset with us. I haven't even told my family that my new fiance and I plan to have as many as God intends for us. We will have 6 as it is w/ our blended family. I don't even want to know what our parents will say when we start adding to our quiver, but we'll cross that bridge when we get there. I will pray for you and your fiance to do as God calls you to do.

jgonz · Nov 15, 2006

My parents weren't exactly happy as we continued to have children... but they aren't paying for them, so they had no say in it.

Plus, we never discussed our beliefs in this area with my parents, as we figured it was between us and God.

oliveplants · Nov 15, 2006

My parents think we are a little funny, but are okay with it.

DH's grandma, of all people, gives him grief over the idea. SHe was raised in a large family and associates children with poverty.

Congrats on the upcoming wedding. GOod for you two for discussiong this beforehand!

RoseofLima · Nov 15, 2006

I am really lucky because my parents are pretty devout Catholics- so there isn't much they can say However- I do get resistence from my in-laws....but luckily this one is a boy and he is named after my mother's father who was beloved by her and my FIL...

Seriously- once those grandbabies are around, you're parents will likely change their toon.

You and your husband might also decide that spacing children further apart than you might have originally intended is better for your family. There are so many unkown things...will you be able to have children? Will you both stay healthy? Etc, Etc....

Try not to fight battles before you're actually at the front...I have found nodding and smiling to work really well, when there is an issue that doesn't need to be addressed immediately

ufonium2 · Nov 15, 2006

RoseofLima said:
You and your husband might also decide that spacing children further apart than you might have originally intended is better for your family. There are so many unkown things...will you be able to have children? Will you both stay healthy? Etc, Etc....

This is important. We wanted to have a herd of kids, and got pregnant immediately after our wedding, so it looked like we were on track. Then during our son's birth, we learned that I have a previously undetected problem, and we were lucky I was able to carry him as long as I had. Now we have to space future kids to give my body a better chance at carrying close to full term.

To the OP, your parents will love the baby, even if they don't love the idea of the baby. My parents were not thrilled that I got pregnant at the beginning of my last and most stressful year of doctoral school, but now that my son is here, they're the most involved grandparents you can imagine.

Gwenhyver · Nov 16, 2006

Thanks for all the support! It makes me feel like I'm doing the right thing I really hope my parents get over thier fear, they really are great people.

As for spacing, I'm going to be a "work-at-home" mom, with my work being freelance stuff to suppliment my husband-to-be's income. This will allow me to freely breastfeed. I've spoken to a friend who's a midwife, and she tells me that if the baby is allowed to feed uninterupted (when ever he/she wants), it's as effective as any birth control out there. So that's what we'll be doing to space the kids

I've been seeing a gyno since I was 14 (Mom was hopeing he'd trick me into birth control), and at my last visit he did a full prenatal check up, and informed me that so far as he could tell, I shouldn't have any problems, but you're right, you never know what God will sent our way.

CelticRose · Nov 16, 2006

If you are planning breestfeeding as an informal form of contraception, a word of warning. It is not as effective unless one of the breast-feeds is a night one - as plenty of women have found out! You ovulate before your period returns. I am unusual in that I only returned to normal several months after we had finished feeding completely. I wish you joy and happiness with your decision.

Gwenhyver · Nov 16, 2006

Yea, she told me I'd have to "sleep-feed", but promised to show me how to set it up effectivly and safely.

oliveplants · Nov 16, 2006

Just a note on the breastfeeding thing.

HAHAHAHAHA
My daughter is not yet 3 months old, is exclusively breastfed whenever she wants it (day and night), and I just got my first period. That means fertility reurned just after her 2 month birthday. Of course, just like any other part of a woman's cycle, this is deifferent for everyone.

CelticRose · Nov 16, 2006

My sympathies. As if your body didn't have enough going on just now.

oliveplants · Nov 16, 2006

Thank you for taking that so kindly. Obviously I am laughing at the thought of my body being SO fertile, not at you... But it could have been read the other way.
Bless.

faithgoeson · Nov 17, 2006

Some will try to discourage you by asking what if your DH dies at a young age? My husband died when we were both 25 years old. I had three children at home, ages 5, 3, and 1. Because he worked, we had life insurance that covered his funeral and paid our house off. I was able to go to college when my children were 6, 4, and 2. I am still paying for it financially, but it is possible to achieve any goal you set for yourself. When I was in college, I homeschooled my older two and worked around all of that. I managed to keep a 4.0 average in all my classes as well. The littlest one went to a Head Start program, which was wonderful for her little mind. Once achieving my educational goals, I was then able to get work at home where I can be with my kids all the time. They are all homeschooled, and doing quite well. Just because you are young, that doesn't make you foolish. I know plenty of people up in their 60's who aren't smart enough to have life insurance just in case. It has nothing to do with age. If you and your future spouse plan properly, you'll have no worries at all in having your children young. Also, you will still be young when they are grown. That will provide a way for you to be a huge help to them when they become parents. You will have twice the energy as other grandparents twice your age! Sounds like fun to me. As a young parent, life can get overwhelming. This happens at any age, though. If you keep God in the picture, everything is possible. It's hard, but it is not the end of the world. I have also never used a food stamp, medical card, or anything. Even when my daughter was in Head Start, I paid her expenses as a donation to the school. It's called work ethic, and some of us still have it this day and age. Please also don't go into a marriage thinking he's going to die. What a sad thing to be thinking of when this is supposed to be the happiest of times. With the proper planning, there's nothing to worry over. With God, there's nothing to fear.

Gwenhyver · Nov 17, 2006

I went to a great highschool that allowed us to complete post-secondary classes while attending school. I finish highschool in 4 weeks, and will be finished my business diploma after that. I currently run a small business, which I hope to expand once I have my own home. My husband is finished his education and is currently working on getting his apprenticeship finished.

I do trust in the Lord to ensure that all the pieces will fit together if I put my heart and soul into life.

I have gotten spiritual guidance in this matter, and agreed that this is a great path for us.

ufonium2 · Nov 17, 2006

My husband has life insurance through work, but if he didn't, term life insurance is extremely inexpensive for a 25-year-old. Faithgoeson, thanks for sharing your story.

Some people assume young parents won't finish school if they have a baby during this time. I don't know about undergrads, but studies have shown that grad students who have families actually finish their degrees faster than singles do. I didn't drop out of school when I got pregnant. It didn't even put me behind. In fact, I'm one of two people in my cohort who are on track to finish on time, and the other on-track person has two kids under three years old.

spinningwheelgirl · Nov 24, 2006

faithgoeson said:
Some will try and discourage you by saying what if your DH dies at a young age? My husband died when we were both 25 years old. I had three children at home, ages 5, 3, and 1. Because he worked, we had life insurance that covered his funeral and paid our house off. I was able to go to college when my children were 6, 4, and 2. I am still paying for it financially, but it is possible to achieve any goal you set for yourself. When I was in college, I homeschooled my older two and worked around all of that. I managed to keep a 4.0 average in all my classes as well. The littlest one went to a Head Start program, which was wonderful for her little mind. Once achieving my educational goals, I was then able to get work at home where I can be with my kids all the time. They are all homeschooled, and doing quite well. Just because you are young, that doesn't make you foolish. I know plenty of people up in their 60's who aren't smart enough to have life insurance just in case. It has nothing to do with age. If you and your future spouse plan properly, you'll have no worries at all in having your children young. Also, you will still be young when they are grown. That will provide a way for you to be a huge help to them when they become parents. You will have twice the energy as other grandparents twice your age! Sounds like fun to me. As a young parent, life can get overwhelming. This happens at any age, though. If you keep God in the picture, everything is possible. It's hard, but it is not the end of the world. I have also never used a food stamp, medical card, or anything. Even when my daughter was in Head Start, I paid her expenses as a donation to the school. It's called work ethic, and some of us still have it this day and age. Please also don't go into a marriage thinking he's going to die. What a sad thing to be thinking of when this is supposed to be the happiest of times. With the proper planning, there's nothing to worry over. With God, there's nothing to fear.

Gwenhyver said:
I went to a great highschool that allowed us to complete post-secondary classes while attending school. I finish highschool in 4 weeks, and will be finished my business diploma after that. I currently run a small business, which I hope to expand once I have my own home. My husband is finished his education and is currently working on getting his apprenticeship finished.

I do trust in the Lord to ensure that all the pieces will fit together if I put my heart and soul into life.

I have gotten spiritual guidance in this matter, and agreed that this is a great path for us.

I know I am replying to a lot, but all these posts that I remind me of something I was thinking about to day. Reba McEntire's old song "Is there life out there." The woman in the song wonders if she missed out because she was married young and had children young. You know what I realized about this: this woman will also be younger when her children are grown-up. She will have in her 40s, 50s and 60s to do all of the things that she was not able to do in her 20s. As well, she was blessed to have children when she was young and her body was more suited to have children and she had the energy to look after them. I hope this encourages you!

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Seriously, stop killing kids.

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