New to forum..

[LiquidLight]

Hi everyone. I've been diagnosed with a lot of things in the past...Paranoid Schizophrenia, Bi Polar, Depressive disorder with psychosis etc etc. I was married in October...I was doing really well before...going to church and trying my best. I always had a lot of problems..spending, chastity and feeling like I'm either a saint or just horrible, horrible. I tend to see things in black and white and I don't like grey areas because I misuse the grey areas...especially when it comes to chastity.

Anyways...I married a woman to find out she has bpd...and I was reading a book about how to deal with everything...and I think I'm bpd as well. The marriage fell apart after we both figured the other person was evil...so sad. Our kids have been through a lot as well.

I need Christian support...I'm starting to depersonalize myself and I just don't know what I'm suppose to be doing. It seems like everything I do turns out horrible and i just want to isolate and play video games now. I'm too broke to shop...I'm just exhausted and could really use prayers and support.

Thanks, and hope I'm not too much trouble.

 

[madison1101]

I hope you are in therapy, preferably cognitive behavioral therapy. I have been in therapy, with the same therapist, for 21 years now. I also suggest a discipleship relationship with a mature, trustworthy, Christian man, in whom you can confide, and be directed to scripture to correct any distorted thinking where God is concerned.

I do not believe that you, nor your wife, were evil. Borderline personality disorder is a maladaptive pattern of thinking, feeling and behaving, that usually develops in childhood, as a result of trauma or abuse.

In therapy, I have learned alternative coping mechanisms in order to deal with negative emotions. I have also been challenged on my distorted thinking.

Good luck and God bless.

Trish

 

[LiquidLight]

Thanks, I do have a supportive friend...but no one that can understand all that there is to unravel. I don't even know what there is to unravel since it happened before I could really talk/think clearly. I know Mom and Dad used a harness on me when I was little because I was hard to keep around the house. Dad was really violent and Mom very anxious.. I forgive them but there is just a lot of anger that swells up in me sometimes without me even feeling angry at the time... I asked my vocational rehabilitation counselor to help me find a therapist. I've been through so many doctors and therapists its hard to start again...but I will.

Another really hard thing is that I married out side of my church...I'm Catholic and that is a big no-no. I'm currently ex-communicated and waiting for my Diocese to respond. My son is going to communion by himself and I'm really proud of him for having the courage. I'm taking this time to read more about the illness...I bough the book "The Angry Heart" about bpd which I hear is really, really good. I know the essence of my illness is always trying to get my way, greed, selfishness, anger, manipulation, and always feeling like people will leave me...which I pushed them away even if they didn't want to...

Thank you for your reply and God Bless you too. I'm on the path to figuring all this out...hopefully I'll have a therapist soon.

 

[JGoss]

All I can say is that if you are looking for a supportive person who is a Christian, you can just about forget it. People who suffer from BPD and other mental disorders are looked upon as demon-possessed, or at the least "living out of the will of God" to these people - and I am talking about pastors and congregates alike. We're looked upon much the same as gays and lesbians.
By and large, pastors of Christian churches want people who don't have such problems - they want docile, compliant sheep who are willing to open up their wallets for the collection plate. They don't want to deal with people like us because our illness challenges everything they preach and teach - and the more Bible-oriented the churches are, the more we are treated like lepers.
We're all alone out here as far as "Christians" are concerned. The sooner you realize and accept that fact will be the time you will have one less frustration to deal with.
Sorry, but that is the "Gospel Truth."

 

[madison1101]

All I can say is that if you are looking for a supportive person who is a Christian, you can just about forget it. People who suffer from BPD and other mental disorders are looked upon as demon-possessed, or at the least "living out of the will of God" to these people - and I am talking about pastors and congregates alike. We're looked upon much the same as gays and lesbians.
By and large, pastors of Christian churches want people who don't have such problems - they want docile, compliant sheep who are willing to open up their wallets for the collection plate. They don't want to deal with people like us because our illness challenges everything they preach and teach - and the more Bible-oriented the churches are, the more we are treated like lepers.
We're all alone out here as far as "Christians" are concerned. The sooner you realize and accept that fact will be the time you will have one less frustration to deal with.
Sorry, but that is the "Gospel Truth."

Sorry, but I disagree with you. I have been discipled by a lovely Christian woman who has known all of my faults and foibles, and helped me tremendously through my alcohol relapse and my divorce. She never rejected me for any of my bad behavior when I acted out. She always points me to the Lord when I get off focus.

My pastor has been extremely helpful to people in my church who suffer from depression and other mental illnesses. He gave me a book to read when I was struggling with my alcohol relapse, and it has helped me to heal from a lot of self-imposed pain. He also visited me in the psych ward of the hospital, and encouraged me in a caring, loving fashion.

I do agree that they are many Christian and pastors who are deluded into believing that mental illness is just demon possession, but I would not make a blanket statement that all are of that belief.

I have been reading a really good book called, "Why Do Christians Shoot Their Wounded?" And it is by a Christian psychiatrist about how the church can better minister to those with mental health issues.

God bless.
Trish