New Relationship

[Jane123]

I recently started dating a guy who seemed perfect and too good for me. We have been spending every day together getting to know one another for about a week. He is new to town so we have a lot we don’t know about one another but he seems to be very open and honest about everything. We were making plans to go to a movie over text and he asked if I wanted to come over to his place after (for the first time) and he said he wouldn’t make an sexual advances. I was really happy he clarified this and it gave me the impression that he was being upfront on the fact that we would not be having sex together while dating. He then asked over text what my thoughts on sex in a relationship are and said if I was too uncomfortable we could drop it. I told him that I thought sex was great in a marriage. To which he replied “sweet, do you have any questions for me?” I said the same one he asked me. He then said he thought sex was important in a relationship however if one wants to wait that the other should respect that and hope that they get married and he would do that if I actually wanted it. My interpretation was that he was okay with premarital sex. It totally freaked me out because I believe sex is for marriage and so far he seemed to be a great christian guy. I actually started crying and didn’t text it for a bit. I wrote back to him saying that we have different beliefs and that we are not a match for each other but I wish him the best. He then realized that I was wanting to break up with him and he tried calling me twice but I ignored his calls. After I made my stance clear he says it was all a misunderstanding and that he believes the same as me and that he was just testing the waters because he didn’t want me to dump him if he said he didn’t want to have premarital sex. He says he won’t bring it up again and is trying to move on like it never happened but I can’t move on without this settled. So I cancelled our plans and he says I’m over reacting. I’ve gone over the wording in his texts a lot and my first impression still sticks with me though I wonder if I jumped the gun and am ruining things with what I thought could be someone I could spend the rest of my life with.

 

[maintenance man]

I wonder if I jumped the gun and am ruining things with what I thought could be someone I could spend the rest of my life with.

Welcome to CF! This is an interesting dilemma you have.

First of all, a week isn't much time to truly make a judgment. My first impression is to give it a little more time. Perhaps his views on premarital sex are evolving? Maybe you are the woman who has opened his eyes to the importance of waiting for marriage. Finding someone you connect with isn't all that easy - if you're connecting with this guy as well as it seems I think you owe it to yourself to give him a chance to redeem himself. I do think you're right to be cautious now, but I do believe it's too soon to walk away.

Keep in mind I don't know you or this guy. Your view is much better than mine.

 

[Tolworth John]

We have been spending every day together getting to know one another for about a week.

After 7 days he says something that upsets you and you stop communicating.

Talk to the guy.

Agree to go for coffee and talk.

7 days is not long enough to determine whether he is mr right or whether you are mrs right.

We all say stupid things or take something the wrong way. When that happens explanations have to be asked for, listened to and discussed.

So he has had sex with other girls.

That means if you get serious and are talking about marriage in about three or more years time, he goes to be checked for std's.

Right now you need to talk to him, its that or wonder what would have happened if I had talked to him.

 

[Darkhorse]

I think you are interpreting his texts in an extreme manner, and making a mistake in breaking up with him. Being open to the idea of premarital sex is NOT the same as actively endorsing it, and he sounds very amenable to your viewpoint. This is quite encouraging today, when many guys have a "put out or get out" attitude. I think you should continue to see him and learn about each other, but with a clear understanding of no sex before marriage.

And if it doesn't work out, at least you tried. Don't lose a good guy for a non-issue.

 

[eleos1954]

I recently started dating a guy who seemed perfect and too good for me. We have been spending every day together getting to know one another for about a week. He is new to town so we have a lot we don’t know about one another but he seems to be very open and honest about everything. We were making plans to go to a movie over text and he asked if I wanted to come over to his place after (for the first time) and he said he wouldn’t make an sexual advances. I was really happy he clarified this and it gave me the impression that he was being upfront on the fact that we would not be having sex together while dating. He then asked over text what my thoughts on sex in a relationship are and said if I was too uncomfortable we could drop it. I told him that I thought sex was great in a marriage. To which he replied “sweet, do you have any questions for me?” I said the same one he asked me. He then said he thought sex was important in a relationship however if one wants to wait that the other should respect that and hope that they get married and he would do that if I actually wanted it. My interpretation was that he was okay with premarital sex. It totally freaked me out because I believe sex is for marriage and so far he seemed to be a great christian guy. I actually started crying and didn’t text it for a bit. I wrote back to him saying that we have different beliefs and that we are not a match for each other but I wish him the best. He then realized that I was wanting to break up with him and he tried calling me twice but I ignored his calls. After I made my stance clear he says it was all a misunderstanding and that he believes the same as me and that he was just testing the waters because he didn’t want me to dump him if he said he didn’t want to have premarital sex. He says he won’t bring it up again and is trying to move on like it never happened but I can’t move on without this settled. So I cancelled our plans and he says I’m over reacting. I’ve gone over the wording in his texts a lot and my first impression still sticks with me though I wonder if I jumped the gun and am ruining things with what I thought could be someone I could spend the rest of my life with.

Takes a while to get to know someone. You have control with the sex thing and you've already stated what that is. Both of you have a lot to learn about one another. Could be a misunderstanding, could not ... but ... over time that would become very clear.

God Bless.

 

[Richard T]

So you have only been dating a week and at some point you are thinking he could be the one? That and your talking about sex is way too much drama. Dial it down a notch, take time to pray and see if you have any leading from Him.

You wrote: "Perfect and too good for you." You are way in the clouds on that. No man is too good for you, you are a child of God and should esteem yourself highly. IF you do continue to see him more you will learn of his imperfections too.

To be more practical, if you want to continue dating, see him in public places, have him go to church with you and get to know him better. Remember too that he is new in town and he has very few other connections or opportunities.

Praying you are able to find the person God wants you to serve with.