New Member

KittyKorner06 · Oct 17, 2006

Hello Everyone-

I don't really know what to say. I'm not even really sure if I want to be here. It makes me nervous, but I'm not quite sure why.

Two days ago it was exactly a week since I last cut. I'm only doing so well, because I have a temporary incentive that will end Saturday. I've been wanting soooo badly to cut again and I can't wait until Saturday evening.

I'm not really sure why I'm doing it or if I even want to stop. Part of me does and part of me doesn't. I like not doing it, but I love doing it.

I feel really confused.

KittyKorner

tapero · Oct 19, 2006

mitiog · Oct 19, 2006

Hi KittyKorner!

I'm mitiog and I've only been here a few weeks. So far everyone's been really supportive and friendly. We're all at different stages in our battle with SI. Well done on not cutting. It's hard. I've been there. I stopped because it was harming my realtionship with God and also I wasn't sure quite where it would end. I found it addictive and I was scared that it would spiral out of control but contemplating leaving the house without my blades was also pretty scary at first!

If you're going to stop it's good to work out why you want to stop and how you're going to do it. I just threw all my razors away and didn't give it much thought at all. I wouldn't recommend that because it made me a lot worse before I managed to get help to develop coping strategies without cutting.

For me it was hard letting go of a behaviour pattern that I'd used on and off for about 12 years. Sometimes it's hard to stop even bad habits because we can become comfortable with them.

I pray that the Lord will help you see how special and precious you are as His child. "You are precious and honoured in my sight" says the Lord. You're loved. (Isaiah 43:4). Please don't forget that.

Feel free to send me a personal message (PM) if you want to chat.

mitiog

Celtic Camel · Oct 19, 2006

Hey Sweetheart,
Welcome to this forum... I'm glad you posted...
Congratulations on making it a more than a week
I'll be praying for you - that you'll make it to Saturday and beyond...
Look forward to hearing from you again,
Take care & God bless,
Celtic.
xoxox

mamalonglegs · Oct 20, 2006

Welcome and I hope you stay with us. Everyone here is very kind, gentle, supportive, and loving. You might like that.
It is normal to be confused having a love hate relationship with something like self-injury. Especially if you have been doing it a long time.
You have to decide like mitiog said why you want to quite and then learn coping stragies to do so. It is your life. It is your choice. Remember that God wants us to have joy, peace, love, etc..., in our lives
Galations 5:22,23 His love for you brought His Word to the Cross in the form of a mortal man. Philippians 2:6-8
Praying for you tonight. Congradulations for making this far. If you can do it for a week. You can make through another day. And then another, and another, and another. Think of the posibilities.
mamalonglegs Ephesians 6:18

KittyKorner06 · Oct 21, 2006

Thank you to anyone who replied to my post. I really appreciate it. I think I'm uncertain about being on here, because I'm usually the one to help people, not the other way around.

Tomorrow it will be two weeks since I last cut. I don't know if I'm going to last beyond tonight though. I am just really confused about everything right now.

KittyKorner

Im-revived · Oct 21, 2006

Hi KittyKorner,

You know why your here sweetheart its because deep down you want help to get out of this cycle and I believe Gods directed you here. You know what also says that, is the way your nervous, when we do something for the first time, or we begin to ask for help we all feel nervous, and I bet everyone will tell you that. Its so good youve come on and written down, it sounds like the first time youve made a big step like this and you should be proud youve managed it. Hopefully you will continue, make friends and realise that this part of the forum is a very comfortable place to be with sufferers like yourself.

Well done and God Bless! Your on the road to recovery now!

Im-revived

KittyKorner06 said:
Hello Everyone-

I don't really know what to say. I'm not even really sure if I want to be here. It makes me nervous, but I'm not quite sure why.

Two days ago it was exactly a week since I last cut. I'm only doing so well, because I have a temporary incentive that will end Saturday. I've been wanting soooo badly to cut again and I can't wait until Saturday evening.

I'm not really sure why I'm doing it or if I even want to stop. Part of me does and part of me doesn't. I like not doing it, but I love doing it.

I feel really confused.

KittyKorner

Soulwings · Oct 21, 2006

KittyKorner. It's good to see a new face around the board - welcome to this board and also to CF, and I hope that you keep posting!

You've proven to yourself that you can go without cutting, even if it is with an incentive. Why give in to the urges now? I totally get that they're really strong, because I've been where you are. But they're worth fighting. I'm at 94 days cut-free and it's been a struggle. But it's so nice to not have to worry about hiding the cuts, or keeping them from getting infected, or explaining about fresh scars, or making the people around me upset because of what I've been doing. Believe it or not, life only gets simpler when you don't cut. Not the other way around.

Best of luck tonight. Stay strong, stick close to God ... and know that I, or any other member on here, is available 24/7 through messaging if you need to get ahold of someone. Feel free to email, IM, or PM me anytime, and I'll do my best to respond promptly.

God bless, and once again ... welcome!

mamalonglegs · Oct 21, 2006

Hey Congradulations on two weeks!!!! Try to make until tomorrow. Think of taking care yourself so that as you stated you are use to helping others. Well, my friend, you can help others a whole lot better, when you help youself.
I use this as an example. I use to work in an institution.
We had to pratice tornado drills. My motto. I will help everyone I can until "it" hits. Then I will protect myself.
Because if I am not around and healthy. I can't help the injured after the tornado is gone. Keep reaching out and find the support and guidance that you need. Protect and help yourself and then you can really help others in more magnificient ways as a safe and healthy person. mamalonglegs praying for you tonight and tomorrow. Ephesians 6:18

KittyKorner06 · Oct 21, 2006

Thanks again for all the messages. I don't know if I can private message anyone yet. I'll have to check. I'm going crazy not cutting tonight. I think I probably will end up doing it. I know it's stupid, but I guess I don't care that much at this point. That sounds so terrible. And it is terrible. I probably should come back here when I actually have a desire to quit. This is ridiculous, because I have talked to SO many people who are caught in the addiction to cutting and I've sworn I would never do that. But it looks like if I'm not careful I could be well on my way to that.

KittyKorner

anteloperunner · Oct 21, 2006

Please stay. I am new around here also but i can tell there are so many people here who love you and will pray for you.

Just dont beat yourself up too much, you will quit when the time is right until that time please keep yourself safe and remember each day is a victory.

Im-revived · Oct 22, 2006

Sweetheart, people arn't just here cos they want to quit, some are ready some arn't, its a place were you can support one another. And even when your ready to quit, it doesn't happen overnight, it takes steps, small steps, no one is going to think yove failed or anything, whats important for you at present is youve made that first step of actually coming on. Youve done well and don't be hard on yourself. One minute at a time Love!!

Im-revived

KittyKorner06 said:
Thanks again for all the messages. I don't know if I can private message anyone yet. I'll have to check. I'm going crazy not cutting tonight. I think I probably will end up doing it. I know it's stupid, but I guess I don't care that much at this point. That sounds so terrible. And it is terrible. I probably should come back here when I actually have a desire to quit. This is ridiculous, because I have talked to SO many people who are caught in the addiction to cutting and I've sworn I would never do that. But it looks like if I'm not careful I could be well on my way to that.

KittyKorner

KittyKorner06 · Oct 23, 2006

Im-revived said:
Sweetheart, people arn't just here cos they want to quit, some are ready some arn't, its a place were you can support one another. And even when your ready to quit, it doesn't happen overnight, it takes steps, small steps, no one is going to think yove failed or anything, whats important for you at present is youve made that first step of actually coming on. Youve done well and don't be hard on yourself. One minute at a time Love!!

Im-revived

Thanks again for the messages. It does mean a lot to me. I'm not very comfortable posting much on thie message board here, so if anyone wants to pm me that would be better.

Thanks,
KittyKorner

Im-revived · Oct 23, 2006

Hi KittyKorner,
You know your doing so well in just what your writing, I know its scarey, a little suggestion for you if you want, if your struggling to write on here at the moment, how about just coming on here and saying Hi guys, its been hard today, or if youve had a gd day just put Ive got through today. Every single person on this part of the forum has been were you are now, and its just by saying those words, at the moment is a gd start.

God Bless sweetheart.

Im-revived

KittyKorner06 said:
Thanks again for the messages. It does mean a lot to me. I'm not very comfortable posting much on thie message board here, so if anyone wants to pm me that would be better.

Thanks,
KittyKorner

KittyKorner06 · Oct 23, 2006

Well, okay . . . today wasn't good as far as the cutting went. Stressful in other areas. But good in still others

KittyKorner

Im-revived · Oct 26, 2006

Hi Kitty, so that was 3 - 4 days ago. And youve mentioned 3 things, cutting not good, stress in areas, but the positive and good thing is you noted good in other areas. Keep hold of the good areas and try and remember them sweetheart, and then try and write again tomorrow. Your confidance is building in just writing what you have.

God Bless

Im-revived

KittyKorner06 said:
Well, okay . . . today wasn't good as far as the cutting went. Stressful in other areas. But good in still others

KittyKorner

KittyKorner06 · Oct 26, 2006

Still cutting.

Tired.

KittyKorner

Bamboo_Chicken · Oct 27, 2006

Hun, have you got anyone in real life you can talk to about this? SI is such a hard battle to fight on your own and talking to someone about it can make such a difference.

You're in my prayers Hun and my PM box is always open if you want to talk - others in here have given awesome advice too .

Shalom,
Steffi

texannurse · Oct 27, 2006

Praying for you KittyKorner! You are not alone in your battle. It would be helpful if you could talk to someone in "real life" like Steffi said!! Here if you need me.
TN

KittyKorner06 · Oct 27, 2006

texannurse said:
Praying for you KittyKorner! You are not alone in your battle. It would be helpful if you could talk to someone in "real life" like Steffi said!! Here if you need me.
TN

Hello-

I know what ya'll are saying, but it's not exactly that easy. I'm on a small, conservative college campus and if any of my RAs/administration/etc found out what I'm doing I would be in such huge trouble.

I might tell one of my friends here at some point. It is frustrating not having anyone in person to talk to. I'm kind of getting tired of the whole internet thing. It's just not the same. But SI is a really touchy subject for most people.

Anyway, thanks-

KittyKorner

New Member

Newbie

Legend

Active Member

Regular Member

Active Member

Newbie

Working for God, through our Lord.

A true original.

Active Member

Newbie

Regular Member

Working for God, through our Lord.

Newbie

Working for God, through our Lord.

Newbie

Working for God, through our Lord.

Newbie

Once a Steffi, forever a Bamboo Chicken

Senior Member

Newbie

Similar threads

Privacy & Transparency

Privacy & Transparency