new here and a rant

[psalms66]

I have NO where else I can go for a rant, since my husband of almost 15 years walked out last Saturday. This is him leaving for the 6th time, twice filing for divorce then "repenting" and ocming home to work on our marriage. THe story has been repeating for so many years... he get sinto sexual sin of one sort or another, I find out, he is sorry then goe sinto a depression/guilt induced pulling away and leaves. Then he misses the children (and me he syas) and come hom, wanting to really "fix things". Repeat, repeat repeat...

I am so tired of this. This time, he will not admit to any sin he is into, only that I have made his life "miserable" for long enough, that I am the source of all of his problem,s etc. etc. and that he doens't love me anymore. He had a "cyber affair" 3 years ago but has had I-don't-know how much contact with this woman since then.

We have 4 children from 5 to 13, and he has broken thier hearts SO many times by leaving. This last time when he came home I made it clear this was the last hurrah and he wrote these wonderful letters promising great things to our children, among them that he would NEVER leave them again no matter what.

Our youngest is autistic and this has put him in a real tail-spin, our daughter has gastritis due to dh's controlling and negative personality, our odlest suffers from fibromyalgia and has recent begun to binge eat to soothe the hurt. (This happened for the 1st time last night in the night and I dont' knwo how to handel it other than to let him cry on my shoudler.)

So I don't know where to go from here. Of course as usual he wants to pay for one attorney and have me sign everythign he has written up, etc. etc. which I'm not going to do. But still... I know I did my best... why does it still hurt SO badly????

 

[Deborah6763]

I have NO where else I can go for a rant, since my husband of almost 15 years walked out last Saturday. This is him leaving for the 6th time, twice filing for divorce then "repenting" and ocming home to work on our marriage. THe story has been repeating for so many years... he get sinto sexual sin of one sort or another, I find out, he is sorry then goe sinto a depression/guilt induced pulling away and leaves. Then he misses the children (and me he syas) and come hom, wanting to really "fix things". Repeat, repeat repeat...

I am so tired of this. This time, he will not admit to any sin he is into, only that I have made his life "miserable" for long enough, that I am the source of all of his problem,s etc. etc. and that he doens't love me anymore. He had a "cyber affair" 3 years ago but has had I-don't-know how much contact with this woman since then.

We have 4 children from 5 to 13, and he has broken their hearts SO many times by leaving. This last time when he came home I made it clear this was the last hurrah and he wrote these wonderful letters promising great things to our children, among them that he would NEVER leave them again no matter what.

Our youngest is autistic and this has put him in a real tail-spin, our daughter has gastritis due to dh's controlling and negative personality, our odlest suffers from fibromyalgia and has recent begun to binge eat to soothe the hurt. (This happened for the 1st time last night in the night and I dont' knwo how to handel it other than to let him cry on my shoudler.)

So I don't know where to go from here. Of course as usual he wants to pay for one attorney and have me sign everythign he has written up, etc. etc. which I'm not going to do. But still... I know I did my best... why does it still hurt SO badly????

Of course you are in pain. You are in grief and mourning and don't let anyone tell you differently. the grief and mourning are for the dream and hopes you had. He has shwon you a pattern of dashing those hopes and dreams. Now that the pattern is clearly established, only you can break the vicious cycle.

Do the best you can for your children. Can you get some spiritual counseling? Can you get some practical, hands-on help from other church members?

My heart and my prayers go out to you.

 

[psalms66]

I do have some really rgeat christian families who are standing by me at this point. Unfortunately I know that when the going gets tough it tends to push the well-meaning away from the pain. I have gone through this before. I have some friends/family members whoa re angry at me for even going down the road again this last time and have not/will not offer any support. I can deal with that. I take full responsibliity for the choices I made the try this again. It is jsut lonely. And he is SO hurtful.

Today he told me that he hasn't had ONE good/happy day with me. Not in almost 15 years of marriage. That I have made his life a living **** and that he is ready to start his life over. Sigh... even through all of the pain he has put me through I could never say something like that to him. I jsut don't know how he lives with himself - speaking to me that way, saying such awful things... it is terrible. horrible.

And at the same time I am relived to be free from his daily abuse.

 

[Autumnleaf]

Change the locks and get a good attourney. Then make it hard for him when he wants to come home. The harder it is for him to come back the more likely he will straighten up and fly right. Think of it as the difference between you buying your first car and someone giving it to you. The harder you work for it the more valuable it is.

 

[imaniingod]

It is time for you to put your foot down. God is not the author of confusion. It's either he is commited to you and your little ones or not. It is not right for him to put you and the children through this pain. He gets mad and wants his freedom and then comes back to apologize after he has had his fun. God is not pleased. You may feel lonely but you are never alone, God is there and believe me I am not here just saying these things to you. My Husband left me for another woman at the End of April and I thank God for Jesus who reigns because he has given me peace. I am lonely at times but I know that He is always there He sticks closer than any other friend!

God Bless You and write me any time you need to talk to someone!

www.clfcm.org

 

[mimi4him]

psalms66,
I know this is hard and having little ones that are hurting I can only imagine.
Please , look toward your and your childrens future.
I was married 27 yrs and he also was in and out of sexual sin , I always forgave him , he would be good for yrs then wham . I kept believing and knew God could heal or marriage and change him. But this last time I finally got it . God cant change those who dont want to change . It doesnt mean we are failures , to me it means My faith was bigger than my storm , but the one causing the storm refused to fight his way out of it.
Hold your head high and love your kids and remember God has great plans for you .
blessings
carol

 

[LINUS___]

Change the locks and get a good attourney. Then make it hard for him when he wants to come home. The harder it is for him to come back the more likely he will straighten up and fly right. Think of it as the difference between you buying your first car and someone giving it to you. The harder you work for it the more valuable it is.

I agree. You have my prayers. It may hurt now, but for your children it sounds like you are better in the long run if this either ends or he changes, and it doesn't sound like change will happen without drastic actions and firm resolve.
May God ease the pain.

-Ben

 

[psalms66]

Wow - has it been 2 weeks since I posted that?

I just thought I'd share some profound words from my strong-silent type 9yo son. He said, "Mom. I know divorce is bad, and I know it hurts you. But i think, in our situation anyway, that it is best this way. Dad was not the kind of man God wanted him to be. It is better for all of us with him gone."

Wow.... my 13yo begs me almost daily NOT to allow him back home and of course that's not going to happen anymore. When I let him back this spring that was the "last time" and I meant it. I got served papers yesterday and that hurt alot because he had sworn he was not going to do it that way (for the children's sakes) but of course I cannot believe anything he says to me anymore. That is hard for me as I am naturally a very compassionate, positive, potential-seeing person. But I have to be strong and I am making it one day at a time with the Lord's spirit guiding me every step. I can almost feel him beside me sometimes.

 

[FLANDIDLYANDERS]

Excellent. In all things, it is our children that matter most. We are willing to put up with a loveless marriage mistakenly in their best interest, and when they themselves voice their concerns for your marriage - listen to them.

I am going thru a seperation simply because try as hard as she might, my wife doesnt love me. We have 4 children too, but have only been together 10 years.

I hear what yer saying, but sometimes saving and redefining a family is more important than saving a marriage.

Peace out.

 

[Indea88]

I feel your hurt and ache for your situation. My husband has left over 20 times, and this time it has been a month. Doing whatever he wants, whenever he wants, living with his mother. My 3 year old has Autism as well. He couldn't cope and has too blamed me for everything. God hears your pleas and petitions. He will never leave you. PM me if you want to talk. I believe we may have a lot in common. God Bless

 

[Godisgr8r]

I'm sorry that you are going through this. It's certainly not easy. My husband filed divorce papers against me about 5 years ago. We battled it in court for over a year and a half. We've been divorced now for a little over 3 years. I have to say that it was probably the hardest year and a half of my life. You'll get through it. It does get easier. My children asked me a long time before the divorce, why I stayed with him. He was very abusive to all of us.