new and suffering from lonliness and depression

TheWretchTheSongIsAbout · Oct 30, 2009

Hi i'm new and really feeling down. I guess I just need some support. I am a SAHM of three year old twins and my husband is gone all the time. I feel so alone and like I just can't do this anymore. I have been alone with the twins for five straight days.

power2theweak · Oct 30, 2009

Welcome, Song! I am so glad that you are here! Wow! You really have your hands full with 3-year-old twins! I'm sorry that you feel sad and alone. Let me know how I can help. Hugs and love to you!

aflower4God · Oct 30, 2009

TheWretchTheSongIsAbout said:
Hi i'm new and really feeling down. I guess I just need some support. I am a SAHM of three year old twins and my husband is a doctor and is gone all the time. I feel so alone and like I just can't do this anymore. I have been alone with the twins for five straight days.

Welcome to the board my dear sweet sister. Please know that I will be praying for you sister. Know that God is there and he Loves you deeply.
Lots of love to ya and God bless you!

TheWretchTheSongIsAbout · Oct 30, 2009

Thank you for the replies. I do need prayer. Thank you. I have agoraphobia and find it hard to leave my home except for a certain zone that I feel comfortable with. I was raped five years ago and it's been since then. I have people that help me with my shopping and cleaning. I just wish I could get out and enjoy life. I know my husband is growing weary of my issues and wishes he could help. I can't even get to church. My twins are more than a handful and I feel they deserve a better mother and a better life.

plumsink · Oct 30, 2009

Dear Song:

I have been internet friends with people who are severe agoraphobics, I know that can be terribly difficult. I have no car and much fatigue from heart disease so I can't really get out much even though I want to.

Try to find interests and hobbies that you can pursue at home, and find ways that the twins can entertain each other and maybe give you a little break from time to time.

As far as church is concerned, well to me a church is supposed to be a community of believers, not a building or a guy at a podium talking. Granted that a face-to-face community is best, but you can have community with Christians online too. It is christian community and fellowship that matters, not a pastor in a building.

Know that God loves you - lean on His strength not on yourself. Also definitely go to your doctor with your problems. That goes double if your twins are new, postpartum depression is more than anyone can handle alone.

Keep in touch with us, if there is anything you want prayer over we would be happy to help. I am praying for you.

Peace and love in Christ

Robert

Winter · Oct 30, 2009

Hi Song,

Welcome to our forum. Please stick around here - there are so many wonderful folks - I have more of a social life here at CF than I do in real life! Many of us can relate with what you are going through - so if you need prayers, advice, support, or friendship - you've got it here.

The Lord leads us to different points in our lives - the path is filled with stones and boulders. Sometimes we fall, sometimes we need to figure out how to get around the boulders, and other times the path is smooth. But as we walk, we arrive at different destinations at our appointed times. But remember, that through it all we are never alone. No way. God is right there beside you, helping you along the way.

Praying for you ....

loved33 · Oct 30, 2009

hello Song

did you get any help after the attack, any help for your emotions through therapy or support group?

im glad youve come here and have reached out - as Plumsink says, it is a community
and you're so welcome

TheWretchTheSongIsAbout · Oct 30, 2009

Thanks for all the welcomes. I have been in therapy after the rape I was going up until I got pregnant then I sort of became more or less home bound. I just feel an extreme need to keep my children safe.

loved33 · Oct 30, 2009

TheWretchTheSongIsAbout said:
Thanks for all the welcomes. I have been in therapy after the rape I was going up until I got pregnant then I sort of became more or less home bound. I just feel an extreme need to keep my children safe.

im pleased you have had some therapy, im so sorry that happened to you.

its good you're reaching out coming here

that was a good choice you made, to get some contact with some of your brothers and sisters

really good to have you here

did you watch tv tonight? anything good on?

TheWretchTheSongIsAbout · Oct 31, 2009

loved33 said:
im pleased you have had some therapy, im so sorry that happened to you.

its good you're reaching out coming here

that was a good choice you made, to get some contact with some of your brothers and sisters

really good to have you here

did you watch tv tonight? anything good on?

I guess I am fairly predictable being home bound. Yes, I watched T.V. last night. I watched Project Runway- one of the few shows I really enjoy.

I am having a really pathetic problem right now. I was getting tired of my hair because I haven't had it done in years because the salon is not in my safe zone. So I dyed my hair myself and it looks horrible. Now I'm trying to figure out how to fix it and at the same time feeling like it does not really matter because no one sees me anyway.

Ridiculous isn't it?!?

plumsink · Oct 31, 2009

Its not ridiculous, I sometimes feel the same way. Why worry about combing my hair if nobody ever sees it?

So I keep it cut basically in a crew cut so that I don't have to comb it. I guess that might not work as well in your situation though.

Peace and love in Christ

loved33 · Oct 31, 2009

TheWretchTheSongIsAbout said:
I guess I am fairly predictable being home bound. Yes, I watched T.V. last night. I watched Project Runway- one of the few shows I really enjoy.

I am having a really pathetic problem right now. I was getting tired of my hair because I haven't had it done in years because the salon is not in my safe zone. So I dyed my hair myself and it looks horrible. Now I'm trying to figure out how to fix it and at the same time feeling like it does not really matter because no one sees me anyway.

Ridiculous isn't it?!?

NO!!
not ridiculous at all

you are worth dressing up for girl!

Project runway, is that the show where they make designs?

I did course learning how to make a corset.

I hadnt sewn since i was at school, and i really was nervous.

Everyone was more experienced than me, and i was tempted to just give up cos i felt so daft having to ask the most basic things

but, i had a word with myself, asked myself did i want to learn it....and i really did

so i just made a deal with myself that i would suffer the humiliation of not being very knowledgeable...and then i would inhabit the role

be very open about knowing nothing...and ask for help...because i needed it

dealt with the shame in other words

and do you know what , some people fell over themselves to help me....others did give me...the look...but hey

thats life!

i really enjoyed myself

id love a sewing machine at home

the one i used at college, it was only a 6 week course, was a BERNINA

I want that one.....they're expensive tho

oh Im glad you brought this up....I'll need to get focused on how to get my sewing machine

Ive always wanted one

Do you like to sew or design things?

power2theweak · Oct 31, 2009

TheWretchTheSongIsAbout said:
I am having a really pathetic problem right now. I was getting tired of my hair because I haven't had it done in years because the salon is not in my safe zone. So I dyed my hair myself and it looks horrible. Now I'm trying to figure out how to fix it and at the same time feeling like it does not really matter because no one sees me anyway.

Ridiculous isn't it?!?

Awww...hugs to you! Doesn't sound pathetic or ridiculous at all. It's been ages since I've been to a salon. I don't have agoraphobia, but my social anxiety keeps me at home most of the time. I've been cutting my own hair since high school. Fortunately, I have wavy hair, so it is pretty forgiving. But, any kind of change to your hair like that can be scary at first, until you get used to it. I'm sure it doesn't look as bad as you originally thought. If you still don't like it after a few days, I'm sure you will be able to make it look a little more like you had intended. It is important that we feel good about ourselves, whether anyone sees us or not. I'm wishing you the best!

Criada · Oct 31, 2009

It isn't ridiculous, sweetie
Is there a hairdresser who will come to your house? A lot will, and you would probably feel safer that way.
As for not being a good enough mother... we all feel that way at times, sweetie, children are such a huge responsibility, and if you are suffering from a mental illness, it can be very hard to cope. Especially with twins at that age!
Is there someone who can give you a break, even if it is someone coming in and looking after them at home for a couple of hours while you take some time for yourself? It sounds as though you are exhausted.

I'll be praying for you, sweetie.

TheWretchTheSongIsAbout · Oct 31, 2009

Plumsink I think I will have to forgo the crew cut idea although it is tempting.

loved33 I do like sewing but just haven't had the time since the twins came around. I would love to get back into it though.

power2theweak I too cut my own wavy hair! I didn't used to but oh well now. Thanks for saying it might not look as bad as I originally thought. It's okay. I am just struggling with how I look in general.

Criada Having a stylist come to my house is probably the best idea. I just have to have someone come in to watch the twins at the same time which all in all feels indulgent, but I have to do something.

Thanks everyone for the kind posts. I had a decent night tonight. I was able to muster up the courage to trick or treat with the kids. We just went a few blocks in our neighborhood, but they loved it and it was great to see them happy. Hard for me to keep my stress under check but I did alright.

power2theweak · Oct 31, 2009

TheWretchTheSongIsAbout said:
Thanks everyone for the kind posts. I had a decent night tonight. I was able to muster up the courage to trick or treat with the kids. We just went a few blocks in our neighborhood, but they loved it and it was great to see them happy. Hard for me to keep my stress under check but I did alright.

Glad you had an OK night. Good for you for stepping outside your comfort zone! I am proud of you!

TheWretchTheSongIsAbout · Nov 1, 2009

power2theweak said:
Glad you had an OK night. Good for you for stepping outside your comfort zone! I am proud of you!

I am proud of myself too. It was really hard. I have these horrible fears that something is going to happen to my children if I am not in control of the situation constantly. It was hard to let go of their hands to let them go up to the doors to trick or treat.

BlessEwe · Nov 1, 2009

TheWretchTheSongIsAbout said:
I am proud of myself too. It was really hard. I have these horrible fears that something is going to happen to my children if I am not in control of the situation constantly. It was hard to let go of their hands to let them go up to the doors to trick or treat.

I watch project runway every week, I love it. Who do think will win? Second, right you see your hair and your husband/children... I used to do hair many years ago, it would be nice if someone would come to your house but I wonder if they will be super expensive for doing so. Did you try to make your hair lighter or darker? If you want to make it darker, it is easy to fix, lighter well it is a bit harder.

As far as having fear, I know what you mean. I had horrible fears about the exact same thing. I would go up for prayer over and over, no one seemed to understand, and I think they thought I was strange...lol
What happened though is I know it had to do with my PTS (post traumatic stress) of the loss of my own parents when I was young, and for you the stress of what happened to you. I will say that it got much better as my children grew older. It is like I knew they could survive on their own without me, and peace came in. Now I have a different stress ( my oldest is learning to drive) also when the fears come in I pictures Gods Hands over the whole situation and really there is not anything more I can do but to make myself sick trying to control everything. In recovery I have found so much peace as well as this saying, it has helped me so much.

Just know that God is with you, and loves you. I am so glad you have joined us here.

TheWretchTheSongIsAbout · Nov 1, 2009

BlessEwe, I think Irina is going to win Project Runway although I am hoping for Carol Hannah to win. I like Carol Hannah's personality and her styles.

I usually bleach my hair blonde. I am a natural blonde, but I bleach it light. The last go around I really bleached out part of my hair, like the last 4 inches or so and then I most recently dyed my hair a deep auburn. The part that looks bad is the end where the bleached out part is if that makes any sense. I think I need professional help and wish I could just get to a salon.

Thanks for the serenity prayer. I need to repeat it over and over. My twins have an upcoming father/child harvest breakfast and I am scared beyond belief to let my husband take them. I have this really bad feeling that something is going to happen to them, that he won't watch them closely. It's horrible.

loved33 · Nov 5, 2009

Hi Song
I must watch project runway.

Yes there s something so relaxing about sewing I find, its so therapeutic for me.

Its funny when I took the class I really just wanted to make something.....but teh real restful feeling from just quietly getting on and sewing....that ...for me...was the surprise I didnt know I was going to get

I do hear you have your hands full so its not so easy to sew when kids are up

do you know what i mean tho, about that feeling?

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