Never had a girlfriend

Bonhoffer · Jan 26, 2004

Chino said:
I just turned 24 and it seems that everyone around me has someone special, and I look at my life and I've never had a girlfriend my entire life. I don't think I'm ugly but I think I look average. I have wondered if something was wrong with me. Girls have shown interests in me sometimes, or I think anyways but I can never know. I have tried before but girls don't see b/f material in me or something. Do I have a flawed character trait that I can't see but others can? I try to be very unassuming and friendly to everyone. I am a little shy and don't always have the smoothest lines or conversations with girls. At times I feel like a pathetic human because because I've never had a girl friend, maybe I'm incapable of holding a relationship with a female and ever being able to express love. Other parts of my life are fine but I"m just an idiot when it comes to love. Can some offer me any advice on being a better person and tips on how take things further from a casual friendship to a couple?

Hey don't worry about it?
Jesus lived up until his early 30's and never had a girlfriend despite being 'Gods Gift'

I'm 22 and never had a girlfriend, but I know I have gone further than Jesus had. (this was in my pre-Jesus days)

The only advice I would give is to pray about it. God has a plan for everyone and if he intends for you to meet somebody then it will happen.

Remember that God is the ultimate Matchmaker in Heaven. Amongst my Christian friends he has got so many couples together.

BTW is you do spot a girl you like then dont worry, but ask the Holy Spirit to give you the right words and the right approach. If nothing happens then it want ment to be.

Spicy McHaggis · Jan 26, 2004

wvmtnkid said:
To be fair to the other side, it also seems most guys want, how shall we say it, "party girls" and the nice girls get shoved aside. I've had it happen to me way too many times. I am "too good" for the "bad boys"" and not good enough for the "good boys". So, what's a girl to do?

I'll have to think about the confidence factor. I think that may have some merit.

Oh no doubt. We men are just as stupid with our expectations.

wvmtnkid · Jan 26, 2004

Bonhoffer said:
Hey don't worry about it?
Jesus lived up until his early 30's and never had a girlfriend despite being 'Gods Gift'

That's cute. Gives a new spin on the phrase.

wvmtnkid · Jan 26, 2004

iklepac13 said:
Oh no doubt. We men are just as stupid with our expectations.

Just wanted to help my gender there! Or at least stop it before it got into a gender-specific bashing thread. It happens on both sides, unfortunately.

Sorry for the hi-jack. Back to the subject at hand....

gangstersforgod · Jan 26, 2004

before i was a christian, i had girls all around me all the time, lots of women i had skills. now im one and i find it hard theres no christian girls for one and im really timid now maybe its part of the whole humility thing, maybe its ruined my self confidence. but chino, i havent been able to get a gf since i was a christian. ive tried being a prick, being nice, being loud being quiet, nothing works.

Bookman · Jan 26, 2004

Have you tried waiting for God to bring the right one along? If you do that, you can relax and forget about all the other stuff that's failed.

mosthollerable · Jan 26, 2004

i would but im to bust getting banned from christian forums for saying the word H E double hockeysticks, pretty um... unsatisfying hey?

Newsboy1900 · Jan 26, 2004

im 19 i have never been on a date (other than the one the guy at school set me up on just to make fun of me and insult me the girl was in on it) but i could care less i could be alone forever (well im never ALONE) but ya -_-

mosthollerable · Jan 26, 2004

wow newsboy, your post depresses me and i feel deep sorrow for your happiness towards the pitiful existence of not desiring a woman. if you dont desire a woman something has gone wrong upstairs because god created you too. give your head a shake

SpiritPsalmist · Jan 26, 2004

mosthollerable said:
wow newsboy, your post depresses me and i feel deep sorrow for your happiness towards the pitiful existence of not desiring a woman. if you dont desire a woman something has gone wrong upstairs because god created you too. give your head a shake

That's not necessarily true mosthollerable Not everyone has uncontrollable emotions toward the opposite sex.

Newsboy1900 · Jan 26, 2004

no i just accept what god has in store for me if he plans for me to be alone so be it
if he wants me to have a wife and 1000 kids then so be it if he wants me to sit in a dark room never come out then so be it i suppose its all about accepting what god has for you and by all means god just dident create me to just lust after a woman for a better term desire as you say i never said i wasent attracted as a woman but i can live without one if god so choses it

Heartbreak Kid · Jan 26, 2004

the moral of the story is act like the girls mean nothing to you then they are all over you. works everytime.

stormgade4 · Jan 26, 2004

I just attended the wedding of a friend i've known since seventh grade. Does anyone else feel really lonely after a wedding. My friends are walking down the aisle faster than I can blink.

Chino · Jan 26, 2004

Bookman said:
Have you tried waiting for God to bring the right one along? If you do that, you can relax and forget about all the other stuff that's failed.

I had that mentality for a long time and it doesn't work for me. I think maybe God wants me to be more of control of finding a g/f. It's a lot harder to pursue girls and that's part of growing as a person maybe. For many years I had an ideal girl that only existed in my mind, I've lowered my expectations but things just don't work for me in love.

Chino · Jan 26, 2004

Living4Him03 said:
In high school I was never asked out and I thought it was a character flaw I had or something, as you mentioned in your post. When I got to college things changed. My brother is 26 and hasn't really had a girlfriend,although he has dated some. He's good looking and all, but he has been in law school for 3 years and has always been serious about school. He's not too worried about finding the right girl. He is content with God being the center of his life, not a girl. I'm sure when the time is right God will bless you and my bro with the desires of your heart for a girlfriend and wife. Be patient and wait on God.

Your bro is a lot like me, I've always dedicated myself to my school work and thus stunted my social skills. I would immerse myself in studies while everyone else had fun, it was fun for me because it was intellectually stimulating. I'm not looking for a girl with all my heart but when you're all alone in a new city and come home to nobody it's like I wish I had a cool girl to talk to.

KeilCoppes · Jan 26, 2004

wvmtnkid said:
To be fair to the other side, it also seems most guys want, how shall we say it, "party girls" and the nice girls get shoved aside. I've had it happen to me way too many times.

I'll put in 2 cents to say that there is a side of the coin where guys like women that are confident in themselves as well and not just an endless challenge to keep them from disintegrating (nice, real but not emotional welfare cases).

As for the party girls, God bless and keep them far away from me (they often seem to be disasters waiting to happen). It's the normal nice girls that are great (and rare). Even repentant party girls that have gotten their act together can be a blessing (one of the best married women I know was a drug addict and all over the place before she came to the Lord and got straightened out - now she's an awesome lady).

But keep the still partying, or still settling ones away from any dating situation! Friendly during straightening out is a service to God and not romantic. Beyond that is a real risk.

-kc

Bookman · Jan 26, 2004

I had that mentality for a long time and it doesn't work for me. I think maybe God wants me to be more of control of finding a g/f. It's a lot harder to pursue girls and that's part of growing as a person maybe.

Chino, if you're interested in this topic, I'd suggest you take time to look through the Bible at the way God provided wives for men. In almost every case, starting with Eve, God brought the woman to the man. The man didn't have to seek her. Neither do you. "Fools rush in where wise men fear to tread." It's an old saying but true. Believe me, the mate God has picked out for you is worth waiting for!

KeilCoppes · Jan 27, 2004

Bookman said:
Chino, if you're interested in this topic, I'd suggest you take time to look through the Bible at the way God provided wives for men. In almost every case, starting with Eve, God brought the woman to the man. The man didn't have to seek her. Neither do you.

Just to raise a few thoughts along the biblical line suggested - what about Isaac & Jacob? In the case of Isaac, Abraham sent someone seeking for him. In the case of Jacob, his parents sent him on a trip, not only to get him out of danger, but also to find a wife. Yes, there was providence, but it seems there was at least some activity involved beyond just waiting out in the fields watching the clouds and hanging out with the sheep...

You might also add in the case of Ruth, where she chased down Boaz...

For the most part, though, I understand that it tended to be arranged marriages, usually parent arranged. I don't know quite how that would go over in this culture, where everyone seems to run from their parents as fast as they can go.

-kc

Spicy McHaggis · Jan 27, 2004

wvmtnkid said:
Just wanted to help my gender there! Or at least stop it before it got into a gender-specific bashing thread. It happens on both sides, unfortunately.

Sorry for the hi-jack. Back to the subject at hand....

Right, I just want to clarify that the "stupidity" I was referring to is inherrant in the attraction, not the women themselves. I can see where my comment may have been misinterpretted.

<----me

Spicy McHaggis · Jan 27, 2004

KeilCoppes said:
I'll put in 2 cents to say that there is a side of the coin where guys like women that are confident in themselves as well and not just an endless challenge to keep them from disintegrating (nice, real but not emotional welfare cases).

-kc

You know Keil, I basically got crucified in the Member's Photo section for not being able to say this as well as you did. I feel the same way, only the way I said it was more like a sledge hammer than a tap on the shoulder.

Never had a girlfriend

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