Needing encouragement

[Brian2944]

Hello everybody

This is my first post in this forum, but I have been reading the threads for a while, which have helped me a lot. My struggle for the past 4 years have been prescription painkillers. I never had a real clinical reason to use them so I got them from friends I had in college. Well, I stopped hanging around those people and changed my life. Up until about 6 months ago I was doing fine. Satan attacks of temptation got stronger and stronger. I am ashamed to admit I started forging prescriptions. It wasn't constant because I would feel horrible guilt and stop for a couple weeks, but then do it again. Thank God because of this I didn't need to withdrawal like I had before.

I haven't got any in a few weeks, but the temptations are strong right now because I am getting married in a couple weeks. The things I like most about pain pills are that they gave me the attitude to work and be sociable around others.

I keep thinking about the wedding and reception. I feel like I won't be able to keep up unless I am on these pills. For so long I have used the pills to be happy and sociable. For every big occasion in the past few years I have relied on pills to make me feel comfortable and happy around others. Now on MY biggest occasion, I'm terrified without them!!!

I'm afraid if I don't get the pills I'm going to be thinking about them the whole time, which will ruin the day for my wife and I, and our families and friends. I'm struggling very hard right now.

I need some kind of encouragement or advice.

Thank you and God bless

 

[BLESSED_KiSSY]

Congradulations on your marriage! May God bless you! I just want to say that i'll be praying for you! I hope everything is goin to work out okay!



God bless,
Anna




PS- Welcome to CF!

 

[elvenstar]

I will be praying for you too! Have you talked to your fiancee about it? Try talking to a minister or close friend about it. I know it will be very hard, but once you're clean everything will turn out immensely better. Try to take your mind off of it by doing something else you love doing. Talk to God about it. Have a great wedding!

 

[ephraimanesti]

DEAR-TO-GOD BRIAN,

What you are struggling with, as are most of us in recovery, is a violation of the First Commandment--"You shall have no other 'gods' before me." What we have done is place our drug(s) of choice on the throne of our lives--a place reserved for God alone. We look to the substance(s) to supply our mental/emotional/spiritual needs in a way that only God can, and should. my primary reason for addictively using alcohol was much the same as your stated reasons for using the pain pills--providing the motivation and courage to interact with others--and my primary reason for addictively smoking weed was that it gave the illusion of providing me with an understanding of the meaning of life, the workings of the universe, etc.--in otherwords, the old "knowledge of good and evil" scam that our first parents fell for. It follows, of course, that satan is the salesman behind all addictions, just as he was the deceiver in the garden. i am sure you have realized all this by now on your own.
Sooooooo . . . what i would encourage and beg you to do--and will pray that God gives you the strength to do--is that, come what may, you will stay clean and sober as you enter into the Holy Sacrament of Marriage. Anything less will be disasterous--to you, to your wife, and to your marriage. God must be on the throne of your life for your marriage to work, and if you start out your life together in a chemical fog, things will fall apart for your marriage rather quickly--as they did for several of mine before i figured out the cause and allowed God to heal me and take His rightful place in my life.
You state, "I'm afraid if I don't get the pills I'm going to be thinking about them the whole time, which will ruin the day for my wife and I, and our families and friends." If just thinking about them will ruin the day, what in the world do you think using them will do?
From a multitude of personal experiences, i can relate to your fear--but with God's help the fear can be faced and overcome. What works well for me is, when this fear arises (as it still does from time to time), i repeat silently in my heart the Jesus Prayer--"Lord Jesus Christ, Son of the Living God, have mercy on me a sinner"--until the fear leaves, AS IT WILL.
Trust God and not chemicals and your victory--and happiness--is guaranteed! You and your wife will be in my prayers. YOU AND GOD CAN DO THIS!

MAY GOD'S BLESSINGS AND PROTECTION SURROUND AND KEEP YOU,
ephraimanesti

 

[Brian2944]

Thank you so much ephraimanesti. It's such a horrible feeling to want the feeling of a drug over the true love of God. And satan uses that guilt to get us to use again. I would do anything to go back and keep myself from using the first time. I feel like me trying drugs is like jumping off a cliff and saying "oops". Theres no going back. I keep thinking about having these cravings my entire life and it seems too much to handle. I wonder if I will ever experience true deliverence from it. I feel like I have stopped using, but still addicted.

I pray for anybody that is or ever has gone through addiction. I feel like it is the devil's strongest weapon to pull us from our relationship with Jesus. I'm going to keep fighting, because I owe everything to Jesus and I won't give up.

Thank you

 

[chilehed]

Brian,

As a recovering addict with over 18 years clean, my best suggestion would be to hook up with the Narcotic Anonymous fellowship in your area. This is a very powerful thing you're fighting, and one of the most effective tools that God gives us is to get with others who are fighting it as well.

Look in your phone book, or contact a local treatment facility to get the local helpline number. Or else go to www.na.org, click "Regional and Area links", scroll down and click on your state for a listing of local area websites. Each website should have a list of local meetings.

 

[ephraimanesti]

Thank you so much ephraimanesti. It's such a horrible feeling to want the feeling of a drug over the true love of God. And satan uses that guilt to get us to use again. I would do anything to go back and keep myself from using the first time. I feel like me trying drugs is like jumping off a cliff and saying "oops". Theres no going back. I keep thinking about having these cravings my entire life and it seems too much to handle. I wonder if I will ever experience true deliverence from it. I feel like I have stopped using, but still addicted.

I pray for anybody that is or ever has gone through addiction. I feel like it is the devil's strongest weapon to pull us from our relationship with Jesus. I'm going to keep fighting, because I owe everything to Jesus and I won't give up.

Thank you

DEAR-TO-GOD BRIAN,

My Brother--satan is definitly playing with your head in obvious ways--WHAT ARE YOU ALLOWING him TO DO SO.

#1. Of course there is "a going back." All alcoholics and addicts have that option any time they have the will and the courage to do so. If this were not true, the world would be full of drunks and junkies, myself included.

#2. Do not buy into satan's using your flesh to convince you that "these cravings are going to go on for your entire life." THEY AREN'T! Depending on what you have been using and how much and how long, the physical cravings will be gone within a very limited period of time--a few days, a few weeks at the most. It's the mental and emotional cravings for the relief, numbness, and escape from life that you need to worry about dealing with--the physical stuff will take care of itself in very short order. Its like quitting cigarettes: the nicotine is out of your system within 3-5 days, and the physical cravings stop within a week to 10 days. It's the ongoing psychological dependence that makes it so hard for a smoker not to go back.
Same with you. The situation you are in now is that your body no longer needs the substance(s) but you are still craving them--and their effects--mentally, emotionally, and Yes, Spiritually--they remain the god of your life. In this regard, it is very true that "you have stopped using but are still addicted." YOU CAN, HOWEVER, CHANGE THIS VERY UNPLEASANT STATE IF YOU CHOSE TO DO SO AND HAVE THE COURAGE--AND THE PRAYER LIFE--TO MAKE IT HAPPEN. (On your own you are dead meat; WITH GOD YOU WILL BE A VICTOR--guaranteed!)
Sooooooooo . . . What you MUST do is to completely restructure your life in such a way that you no longer need the substances to make your life worth living. The recommendation posted above to involve yourself in Narcotics Anonymous or a related 12-Step Program is a good one--with one proviso: shop around for a Home Group whose members are serious about staying clean and sober and are involved in personal recovery programs based on Spiritual Growth. Be careful as you shop, because many Meetings are filled with very negative people, often sent there against their will by the Courts, who may not be drinking/using at the moment but are miserable as a result of missing their substances rather than being joyful at being delivered from their slavery to them. If a Meeting feels negative, try another--most areas have 1001 to choose from. Keeping looking until you find where you fit.
The basis of all 12-Step Programs is to help you find God and to guide you in replacing your drugs with Him. You sound like you are a Believer so that part should already be taken care of. The rest of the Program has to do with restructuring your life in such a way that you are able to joyfully follow God rather than the dopeman.
God offers for REAL what the drugs provided merely as an illusion. Surrender EVERYTHING to Him and you will be amazed at how completely and how quickly your life will change! BUT UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES ALLOW THE EVIL ONE TO CONTINUE MESSING WITH YOUR HEAD!
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE keep this Thread currrent so we can know how you are doing and support you in prayer.

CLEAN AND SOBER THROUGH THE GRACE OF GOD,
ephraimanesti

 

[Brian2944]

Thank you for your replies everyone. I'm still struggling but I haven’t used. Right now it seems like satan is attacking every ounce of my being. I pray and pray, and tell Jesus that I surrender everything to him. I ask him to do what ever he wishes with my life to bring me closer to him, but the mental torment continues. I'm flooded with thoughts of "once an addict, always an addict".

I feel like I wish I could go out into the "desert" to battle with this, but I can't put everything else on hold. I should be happy. I just got married and I just found out that my wife is pregnant with our first child. I have no energy to do anything. I only felt normal on drugs. I now feel like I'm in the depths of depression. I went to see my doctor and he thinks I might have some damage from the heavy Ecstasy and psychedelic drug use when I was in college. He said the neurotransmitters in my brain that give feelings of happiness may be missing. He gave me medication to take, and I began to have some hope of coming out of this. But then again the devil sends a thought my way saying "see, drugs are the only way you can be normal".



So I keep praying for final deliverance from this. I'm tired of wanting any kind of chemical to feel good in place of PURE joy from God. Right now I need to be 100% with everything else in my life, but instead I'm trying to stay close to par.



Please pray for me as I pray for others.



God Bless

Brian

 

[Im-revived]

Hi,

I'm proud of YOU! I've been on this forum for 5 months, and never had the courage to admit my exact same problem, and YOU are helping me do that now for the first time. I even know many will be shocked about me owning up.

I'm also addicted to Painkillers and have been for years, Dyhydrocodiene and codiene, but for some reason I only take them from 5pm at night, but it can be as many as 30 -40 a night, which I know would kill many. Yes, in the past I also got arrested for changing the date on my pescription, as I do get 212 Co-Dyramol a month. I also buy cocodomol of a friend £10.00 for a hundred twice a week. I hate having this habit, but when I miss a night I have stomach cramps and feel ill. I understand your temptation so much, as its like we need a way out for a while, its a bit like an alcoholic it numbs the real stresses for a bit. You've done really well in having times when you don't take them, as yet I can't even do that. It scares me what its doing to my body, but I just can't stop doing it at night. Even now I'm in a situation where I think I can't go out at night cos I need them.

I think and pray that your going to succeed in overcoming this, so I'm going to say to you mate! Keep fighting the temptation but will you pray for me also as we are both going through the same. And also would like to say to you how much your post has helped me open up. May the Lord work in us both!
And all the best for your marriage.

Hello everybody

This is my first post in this forum, but I have been reading the threads for a while, which have helped me a lot. My struggle for the past 4 years have been prescription painkillers. I never had a real clinical reason to use them so I got them from friends I had in college. Well, I stopped hanging around those people and changed my life. Up until about 6 months ago I was doing fine. Satan attacks of temptation got stronger and stronger. I am ashamed to admit I started forging prescriptions. It wasn't constant because I would feel horrible guilt and stop for a couple weeks, but then do it again. Thank God because of this I didn't need to withdrawal like I had before.

I haven't got any in a few weeks, but the temptations are strong right now because I am getting married in a couple weeks. The things I like most about pain pills are that they gave me the attitude to work and be sociable around others.

I keep thinking about the wedding and reception. I feel like I won't be able to keep up unless I am on these pills. For so long I have used the pills to be happy and sociable. For every big occasion in the past few years I have relied on pills to make me feel comfortable and happy around others. Now on MY biggest occasion, I'm terrified without them!!!

I'm afraid if I don't get the pills I'm going to be thinking about them the whole time, which will ruin the day for my wife and I, and our families and friends. I'm struggling very hard right now.

I need some kind of encouragement or advice.

Thank you and God bless

 

[Brian2944]

Im-revived,

Thank you for the kind words. It is always nice to know that I'm not alone in this battle. I started off with hydrocodone and percocet, then to morphine and oxycontin, and then to fentanyl (if you know what this is then you know the power and danger of this drug).

I know we can get through this as long as we stay close to Him. The devil is working overtime to try to pull us from the love of Jesus. I try to use satans tools against him. I try to think "satan working hard on me with everything he has is proof that God has great plans for my life". The best blessings we receive come through overcoming adversity.

So I know that God has great things in store for you. He only uses the broken hearted for his great work. So look not what your going through, but what your going to.

I pray that God works a miracle in your life and breaks the chains of addiction.

God bless you

Brian