Needing advice and support

[hope_faith_love]

I would just like to sat "Thank You" for all of the strength and encouragement I have read here in just the last day.

I am 5 months into a separation from my husband. He told me 13 months ago, a totaly shick to me, that he was done with the marriage. We continued to live together for 8 months when I just got so fed up of his behavior I asked him to move out. Since then his actions have done nothing but confuse the daylights out of me. I refuse to file for divorce and he has not done it yet either. I do pray that we can be reconciled, but I have a lot of the same feelings of why do I want him back after he acted like a huge jerk. I have also had a hard time letting God be in control and being patient to work it out in His time. Any advice would be very helpful. Thank You again

 

[ShainaBrina]

What was his behaviour like prior to his announcement?

It is possible that being asked to leave surprised him and he's having a change of heart. It could also be that he was surprised that you actually stood up for yourself and put an end to his bad behaviour... He may regret having lost control over you and his 'change of heart' is a move to regain control. I have know idea which it is.

Have you guys tried counselling? Was there some reason for his sudden jerkiness.

My ex seemed to like threatening to leave, until the day I insisted he follow through on that. These kinds of threats are emotionally abusive... definately a way to control the other.

My best advice would be for you to consider counselling for yourself to help you sort things out in your own mind. My second piece of advice would be to protect your assets.

Blessings
Shaina

 

[ido]

I would just like to sat "Thank You" for all of the strength and encouragement I have read here in just the last day.

I am 5 months into a separation from my husband. He told me 13 months ago, a totaly shick to me, that he was done with the marriage. We continued to live together for 8 months when I just got so fed up of his behavior I asked him to move out. Since then his actions have done nothing but confuse the daylights out of me. I refuse to file for divorce and he has not done it yet either. I do pray that we can be reconciled, but I have a lot of the same feelings of why do I want him back after he acted like a huge jerk. I have also had a hard time letting God be in control and being patient to work it out in His time. Any advice would be very helpful. Thank You again

What about his actions confuse you?

 

[hope_faith_love]

His actions prior to this were perfectly normal. He had a "friend" and they were confiding their marital problems in each other and they both decided to leave their families at the same time. He swears they never slept together, but a week after I asked him to move out she went back to her husband. I have been in counseling regularly for over a year. He went with me a few times, but insisted that he was done with the marriage. I have been trying to follow the book Love Must Be Tough by James Dobson. And the more I try to ignore/disconnect the more he wants to know. The main thing is he is still very attracted to me and still wants to sleep with me a lot and when I reject his advances asks me if there is someone else! I am struggling with that a lot. I think I need to stop sleeping with him so he finally has a reality check, but I am afraid if I don't he might actually file.

 

[ido]

His actions prior to this were perfectly normal. He had a "friend" and they were confiding their marital problems in each other and they both decided to leave their families at the same time. He swears they never slept together, but a week after I asked him to move out she went back to her husband. I have been in counseling regularly for over a year. He went with me a few times, but insisted that he was done with the marriage. I have been trying to follow the book Love Must Be Tough by James Dobson. And the more I try to ignore/disconnect the more he wants to know. The main thing is he is still very attracted to me and still wants to sleep with me a lot and when I reject his advances asks me if there is someone else! I am struggling with that a lot. I think I need to stop sleeping with him so he finally has a reality check, but I am afraid if I don't he might actually file.

Personally, I'm concerned that he insisted that the marriage was over, but the two of you have continued to have a physical relationship. He's not coming home and repairing his marriage, but why would he file if he is still reaping all the benefits of marriage?

I would highly recommend that you pray about this, specifically. For a couple of different reasons. I think you really need some clarity and need to figure out some appropriate boundaries for yourself - emotionally and physically - until you know whether your marriage is going to survive or not.

 

[hope_faith_love]

Even after insisting the marriage was over he told several people that we would not have a bad divorce in case we want to get back together and he wondered if splitting up was the biggest mistake of his life. He never went to church with me, but has started going to church regularly since last spring and he even bought a Bible. He is not any happier now then when we were together. That shows me I was not his problem.I guess I should just worry about myself and my relationship with God and ask God to work in his life and open his heart.

 

[ido]

Even after insisting the marriage was over he told several people that we would not have a bad divorce in case we want to get back together and he wondered if splitting up was the biggest mistake of his life. He never went to church with me, but has started going to church regularly since last spring and he even bought a Bible. He is not any happier now then when we were together. That shows me I was not his problem.I guess I should just worry about myself and my relationship with God and ask God to work in his life and open his heart.

Yes, to the bolded part.