Need to get it out, hopefully lessen the root of addiction.

[Sadiegrl]

Hi all,

While I am hesitant about confessing my addiction, I believe it will lessen the strength of this root of sin in my life. For years I have struggled an epic battle but nevertheless always fail and relapse. I am completely addicted to marijuana. If you were to meet me in person, you would never guess in a million years that I smoke daily. Despite my years of bible study, deep interpersonal exploration, and hopeful commitments to the Lord, this part of my life has not been delivered.

I realize why I am addicted but am unable to completely surrender to the Lord as I use this as a crutch to heal any emotional pain or discomfort. I know that the Lord would have me turn to Him and while I still do, I know that I am powerless to overcome this addiction.

I come from a childhood of intense abuse and trauma and believe this is where my desire to self soothe originated from. For the past 15 years I have used marijuana to comfort myself and alleviate the painful memories and feelings that arise. Despite my many successes in other areas of my life, I know that God would utilize me even more if I were to be free of this. As a youth I went to rehab, I've been through the 12 step programs both secular and Christian, as well as countless self-help books. I'm at the point now where I feel that this has become a thorn in the flesh that simply keeps me humble because I am at a loss for overcoming my desires. I can go without for days but would rather not. I am not a mess when sober and do not experience withdrawals, it is simply the inner desire which compels me to use as I have opportunity. I often cry out as Paul did in Romans where he says that he desires to do good but then doesn't, and what he despises he acts upon! There are distinctly two separate spirits at war within me, the flesh and the spirit and I rely upon the promise that in the end the younger will conquer the older, ie my spirit will eventually overcome my flesh. I long for that day, but perhaps not enough?

Thanks for reading.

 

[Adstar]

""""There are distinctly two separate spirits at war within me, the flesh and the spirit"""""

The flesh is not a Spirit...

But apart from that. Just as Paul prayed for the LORD to remove the thorn, you also must accept and believe with full confidence that His grace that we have through the Atonement of the LORD Jesus Christ is sufficent to cover that..

2 Corinthians 12: KJV
8 "For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me. {9} And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me."

 

[Hidden In Him]

I realize why I am addicted but am unable to completely surrender to the Lord as I use this as a crutch to heal any emotional pain or discomfort.

Exact same reason I've heard from a friend who has your same problem. He's a dear brother, and involved in good, heartfelt ministry on a daily basis. Not sure where he is today; hasn't responded to my messages in a bit. But if you like, maybe I could mention this thread to him, and you two might be able to minister to each other some in private conversation.

 

[faroukfarouk]

Hi all,

While I am hesitant about confessing my addiction, I believe it will lessen the strength of this root of sin in my life. For years I have struggled an epic battle but nevertheless always fail and relapse. I am completely addicted to marijuana. If you were to meet me in person, you would never guess in a million years that I smoke daily. Despite my years of bible study, deep interpersonal exploration, and hopeful commitments to the Lord, this part of my life has not been delivered.

I realize why I am addicted but am unable to completely surrender to the Lord as I use this as a crutch to heal any emotional pain or discomfort. I know that the Lord would have me turn to Him and while I still do, I know that I am powerless to overcome this addiction.

I come from a childhood of intense abuse and trauma and believe this is where my desire to self soothe originated from. For the past 15 years I have used marijuana to comfort myself and alleviate the painful memories and feelings that arise. Despite my many successes in other areas of my life, I know that God would utilize me even more if I were to be free of this. As a youth I went to rehab, I've been through the 12 step programs both secular and Christian, as well as countless self-help books. I'm at the point now where I feel that this has become a thorn in the flesh that simply keeps me humble because I am at a loss for overcoming my desires. I can go without for days but would rather not. I am not a mess when sober and do not experience withdrawals, it is simply the inner desire which compels me to use as I have opportunity. I often cry out as Paul did in Romans where he says that he desires to do good but then doesn't, and what he despises he acts upon! There are distinctly two separate spirits at war within me, the flesh and the spirit and I rely upon the promise that in the end the younger will conquer the older, ie my spirit will eventually overcome my flesh. I long for that day, but perhaps not enough?

Thanks for reading.

Hi; there is a sense in which you have a medical condition and a course of treatment is reasonable and can be combined with prayer and Bible reading. A spiritual interest can still be pursued while a course of treatment is pursued, so I wouldn't worry.

I don't know if you also smoke 'normal' cigarettes - I wouldn't encourage it - but in some countries cigarette and pipe smoking does not have quite the same 'stigma' (if I can even use that word) among Christians that it might do in some circles in other countries. While some well meaning people might argue that 'you can't really have fellowship with the Lord if you smoke', yet I don't buy that kind of guilt manipulation.

 

[Sadiegrl]

Thanks for your responses.

Adstar you're right the flesh is not a spirit in a Godly sense, I meant to illustrate it as a separate way of life as depicted in Galations 5:16-18
"My counsel is this: Live freely, animated and motivated by God’s Spirit. Then you won’t feed the compulsions of selfishness. For there is a root of sinful self-interest in us that is at odds with a free spirit, just as the free spirit is incompatible with selfishness. These two ways of life are antithetical, so that you cannot live at times one way and at times another way according to how you feel on any given day. Why don’t you choose to be led by the Spirit and so escape the erratic compulsions of a law-dominated existence?"

and also when Paul vehemently expresses his frustrations with the flesh in Romans 7: 15-25 (a tad long but exactly expresses my feelings)
"What I don’t understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise. So if I can’t be trusted to figure out what is best for myself and then do it, it becomes obvious that God’s command is necessary.
But I need something more! For if I know the law but still can’t keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help! I realize that I don’t have what it takes. I can will it, but I can’t do it. I decide to do good, but I don’t really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don’t result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.
It happens so regularly that it’s predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up. I truly delight in God’s commands, but it’s pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge.
I’ve tried everything and nothing helps. I’m at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn’t that the real question?
The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different."

So as you can see, this is what I mean by two spirits at war within me.

To Hidden in Him, thanks for your response. I am not exactly fond of private messaging but they are welcome to share any insight in this thread. I am hoping that over time things will change as I continue to deal with my past and live in the present. I no longer live under such a cloud of self condemnation, but rather feel I have simply given up the fight and don't try anymore. I want to be delivered from it, from the root of my childhood that has developed into this habit of mine.

And Hi Farouk, thanks for your response. No I don't smoke cigarettes, I personally find them to be very gross and don't like the smell. Unlike my feelings for marijuana. I would say I am a connoisseur and really quite particular on what I do like, there are differences between the kinds that make you sleepy and lazy or the kinds that help me to stay focused and not distracted by anxiety or traumatic memories. The Lord did tell me at one point a long time ago that marijuana is a medicine and that any medicine can be abused. I would say that I don't need it to function at all and am very outgoing and friendly, but I don't share my personal issues with anyone because no one would know what to do with them. Same reason people don't understand why children must suffer horror and abuse, it simply happens and we deal with life.

Anyways, I'm just hoping that by being open about this, it will become less of a stronghold.

 

[faroukfarouk]

And Hi Farouk, thanks for your response. No I don't smoke cigarettes, I personally find them to be very gross and don't like the smell. Unlike my feelings for marijuana. I would say I am a connoisseur and really quite particular on what I do like, there are differences between the kinds that make you sleepy and lazy or the kinds that help me to stay focused and not distracted by anxiety or traumatic memories. The Lord did tell me at one point a long time ago that marijuana is a medicine and that any medicine can be abused. I would say that I don't need it to function at all and am very outgoing and friendly, but I don't share my personal issues with anyone because no one would know what to do with them. Same reason people don't understand why children must suffer horror and abuse, it simply happens and we deal with life.

Anyways, I'm just hoping that by being open about this, it will become less of a stronghold.

YW. So do you think also that its legalization in various places removes any stigma that some ppl might see in it? After all, it's reckoned to be less addictive than nicotine. Seems like you have a quite deep knowledge of it and quite a profound appreciation for it; do you think as a marijuana smoking woman you'll come round to thinking of it simply as a sort of over the counter medication?

(I mean, some ppl claim tattoos are an addiction, while others receive them confidently without regrets, feeling they are in control when they decide to get ink.)

 

[Cmadukasi]

Dear, addiction is of the wicked one trying to keep you in bondage of sin. To overcome it
Firstly, know that you are a child of God
Know that God loves you no matter the situation or condition you are, for while you were yet sinner Christ died for you.
Secondly believe in the abundance of Grace that God has freely given you,
Thirdly confess regularly that you are the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus therefore addiction have no ryt in your body.

I will encourage you to listen to this minister Joseph Prince, his message title breaking the root cause of addiction.
Lastly believe that As God is in Heaven so are you, not your pastor or any other believer but you yourself is here on Earth.

God bless you dear

 

[Sadiegrl]

@ Farouk, I do think there is less stigma regarding medical marijuana especially in states like mine where it is legal. However, in the same way that a Doctor could prescribe over the counter pills, a person can become addicted to taking them. So I consider my addiction to be one that is not of God. I know that He is not mad at me or unwilling to teach me, or any of the type of guilt manipulation you mentioned related to smoking. God meets us where we are and cleans us up, but I do know that as far as the fruits of the spirit are concerned, self-control includes refraining from doing things automatically that are not good for us. I don't believe that smoking marijuana is inherently bad as there are medicinal properties, but that I no longer need it to medicate. My flesh would argue that completely for a variety of justifications, but my spirit knows that is all I have to do to begin walking in my flesh rather than my spirit.

I guess I'm just wondering who is also struggling similarly and what they have done to overcome. I know so many Bible verses and have many memorized, as well as completed many group studies and even recovery programs, yet this still remains. I know there is not any magical word or fix for this, I look to God for that, but honestly am just growing weary from the spiritual struggle. I know that it would help if my husband were also on board as I know the power of association, but I can't turn any blame on him. I know full well the strength of my desires and give in regardless if he is present or not. I just want to be used more by God and hope that I don't have to be like the Israelites who went around the same mountain for 40 years.

@ Cmadukasi, thanks for your response as well. If you have a link to share I'd be happy to watch the sermon. I do believe those confirmations as you mentioned, I've walked with God for years and He has brought me far from the place from where He found me, but I'm not content in this place either.

Thanks again!