Need Suggestions to help my daughter

[missmsdancearama]

My daughter is married and has a 6 year old boy with PDD/NOS which is a form of Autism. She takes care of him 99% of the time with NO help from her husband. He is so demanding of her. Telling her to get this and that for him while he just sits on the cough or lays in bed watching TV. He spends no time playing or helping with his son other than yelling at him and telling him to keep his toys in his playroom and not in the living room. He yells at my daughter because she can't keep the house looking spotless. She also teaches dancing at the local boys & girls club, which he could care less of.
Everything has to be the way he wants it.
Since my grandson was born, I think my husband and myself have paid for all of his clothes and shoes and most of his food that he eats.
I've tried to tell my daughter she would be better off leaving that jerk. She thinks by staying with him that its better for her son. But I Don't agree. Can anyone help me?

 

[nanajojothatsme]

well she definately has your support I see, which is awesome
maybe she is afraid to leave him
has anyone been praying for her husband????
God does do wonderful things for us

 

[missmsdancearama]

I don't know, but even on Mother's day he had her go out and get food for him. Instead of himself going and getting food the them all.

 

[flapjackfritz]

Maybe you could invite your daughter and children to come live with you, and not the husband. Give him some time to himself to reflect. And use the time with your daughter to show her how much strength she has.

 

[missmsdancearama]

I have told her they could come back home.But she seems to be too afraid to leave.

 

[Lisa0315]

I think that the right thing to do is offer your support but stay the heck out of it. Pray for her and pray for him. God will hear your prayer.

You have to let her live her own life and make her own decisions.

Lisa

 

[missmsdancearama]

I know I have to let her live her life,I just don't want her and my grandson to get hurt. There has been a family of 3 here thatthe father shot the mother while she was sleeping and then went to the 7yr son's room and shot him too, while sleeping. Then he shot himself. Their son wasn't autisic like my grandson. There is a lot of tension in my daughters house.Her husband is about 380 lbs.and my grandson who will be 6 on 6/1 is very big for his age and also very strong. I don't want anything to happen to them. That's why I worry.

 

[Lisa0315]

I know I have to let her live her life,I just don't want her and my grandson to get hurt. There has been a family of 3 here thatthe father shot the mother while she was sleeping and then went to the 7yr son's room and shot him too, while sleeping. Then he shot himself. Their son wasn't autisic like my grandson. There is a lot of tension in my daughters house.Her husband is about 380 lbs.and my grandson who will be 6 on 6/1 is very big for his age and also very strong. I don't want anything to happen to them. That's why I worry.

I understand your worry. Let me tell you a true story.

My son is also mildly autistic. He has Asperger's syndrome. My husband is bipolar. The two are not a good mix. Both of them were not diagnosed until just three years ago. I had played referee between them for years and I worried greatly that as my son got older and bigger, it would result in a disaster. When I became a Christian, it seemed that I began worrying even more. I prayed over this, absolutely poured my heart out to God and I am not kidding when I say this happened. Okay? I am not charismatic. I do not believe in prophecy or speaking in tongues or anything like that. Yet, as I was praying, an image came into my mind of an angel with a sword standing between my husband and my son. The angel was protecting my son. There has not been a conflict between them since. In fact, my husband found himself flat on his back after a very bad accident and it was my son who took care of him for an entire summer while I was at work. They are very close now and not a cross word between them. If my husband gets irritated at my son, he does not say a word, but asks me to handle it. If you knew how bad things were between them, you would understand that it was truly a miracle.

So, pray over this. Are your daughter and grandson Christians? If so, remember that NOTHING can happen to them that God does not allow.

Lisa

 

[missmsdancearama]

Thank you for telling me your story. Yes they are Christians. I guess I need to let God take care of them. I hope you have a nice day. Talk to you again.

 

[Angeldove97]

Trust God to let Him watch over your daughter and grandson--- and I understand that that might be very very hard to do, your a mother so of course you want to protect your child! But I do feel that God brings things to our attention, so that we can help and protect one another too.

If you're having negative feelings about your daughter being with her husband, I would honestly search your heart and make sure the feelings are accurate. I only say this because my own parents believe that the person I'd like to marry would be horrible for me--- I know otherwise, but that's a different story As long as you can honestly say that the signs you believe are red flags are accurate, you may want to take some action.

I would suggest calling a marriage counselor and talking about the red flags that you see in your daughter's marriage. The counselor, I'm sure, can offer you excellent advice. Just be careful--- if your daughter doesn't want your help, there isn't much you can do about that: it's her life and her marriage. But getting advice for yourself on how to help with the situation will probably be very helpful. If your daughter is scared of leaving, I'm sure the counselor can offer some advice on how to deal with that.

God bless, please let us know how things are!

 

[missmsdancearama]

I will have to tell you about our trip to TX we all took this last week, but right now I have to get to work. I will be back later this evening.

 

[Ariellamb]

I understand what you are saying & really feel for your daughter.
The Lord is very unhappy with divorce which means we can't always move in the way which first comes to mind.
Blessings & prayers to you, your daughter and their child.

 

[RuthD]

I recommend marriage counselor if she is still dealing with this. I am praying for your entire family. Best wishes to you.

 

[leytonstones]

Is your daughter in touch with an autism group for support and maybe some respite care?

Blessings

Ley

 

[Avniel]

I also honestly dont think it is a grandmother's place to tell a wife they should leave their husband. That to me is a tad bit out of order. I grew up in a home where my grandmother had constant conversations with my father based on how he treated my mother, majority of those conversations were based on lies. My grandmother also called me plenty of times about things that never even happened and I constantly told her it was not true......Her response was "I know my daughter she doesn't lie" but clearly she does. My grandmother's involvement only caused more confusion in our lives.

Basically all you can do is stay out of it mind your own business and the best advice you can give your daughter is to talk to her husband.

 

[leytonstones]

This is a very delicate situation and your good intentions could turn against you.
I don't think it is wise that anyone, particularly family should come between a husband and wife. You can give them all the love, practical and prayerful support that you can be in the long run it will be best if they make their own decisions.
If you daughter is too scared to leave then she needs to get some legal advise.
Be there for them and welcome them if they turn to you but the decisions have to be between man and wife. Standing back is hard and heartbreaking but your daughter will thank you for it in the end.

Blessings

Ley

 

[mamawolf]

I myself have a child with pdd-nos and I too was in a relationship I was afraid to leave. My ex husband abused me in any way he could, I finally had enough and left. Could it be that he is abusing her in some way even telling her that she cant raise the kid alone, or that she wont ever find anyone to take care of her and her son? My ex husband told me once that I will never find anyone like him and I told him thats the point. We are on speaking terms n he is helping now but we will never be together again. But you need to talk to your daughter and ask her if he has hurt her in any way shape or form