Need some perspectives....

[blixation]

I don't want this thread to sound like another sobbing, "what do I do" case. But, I just want some input from different perspectives. My girlfriend and I have been dating for about 6 months, not that very long. During our relationship at times we talk briefly of the issues of getting close to someone without getting close to him or her physical, showing affection that is. Now I know there is nothing wrong with showing spiritual, emotional, and physical affection and affirmation, if it's done under certain guidelines. So this takes my girlfriend and I to the issue of kissing. We both had decided that we were not going to kiss, I have no problem with giving a kiss cultural reasons for me, but since she wanted to wait until after she was engaged I understood that and I was completely supportive of her decision since she has never kiss a guy before (something I have admired in her). A side note is that our relationship is my girlfriends first, but not my first.

Now this build-up leads to this: last night for the first time in our relationship and for the first time in her life .…..we kissed, even though we knew that we should have waited. I know she said this next statement so innocently and sincerely, but what she said was far more than I was looking for, saying quote, “I have waited such a long time for this.” Now this may not seem like a big deal BUT, these words she said after we kissed stabbed me so deep in my soul my knees go weak with guilt. My heart runs red with conviction. Now the reason this statement is ripping me apart is that I feel like I have taken away such an innocent part away from her, knowingly, that she should have given this new experience to her husband. I am not married to her neither am I engaged to her. So in a nutshell a lucky guy like me who has kissed her on her first kiss is not so lucky afterall, I feel like I have torn the walls of standards down that she has laid and trampled them hither to.

What is YOUR input on this situation?

 

[AngelusSax]

I don't think kissing was ever... and I mean EVER, considered a sin....

I think maybe you're worrying about a bit too much here.

 

[looksgood]

Sounds like you are just now understanding that she is in it for the long haul and your not comfy with that. Since you said it should be for her husband it just seems like it is ringing out to me that you feel guilty because you took something meant for "someone else". I don't know it just sounds to me by your wording that you have doubts about how long you two will last.

 

[loved]

She had a choice whether to kiss you or not, she chose to do so, her choice.

Don't worry about it, it was her decision.

 

[Maeyken]

I am thinking you probably feel very guilty for crossing a boundary line that you had both agreed not to cross. Have you talked to her much about it? I would suggest talking to her about it, and seeing how she feels about the situation. Does she feel disappointed in herself for allowing that boundary to be crossed? Maybe she has changed her mind about wanting to wait until engagement to kiss? It's hard to know what she is thinkig just from that immediately-after statement.

 

[Astronaut]

The Bible commands Christians to "Greet each other with a holy kiss." Until now, she has been defying one of the most explicit mandates given in the Bible. Congratulations to you that you have helped her end her life of sin.

 

[invisiblebabe]

Oh goodness. I'm one who is saving her first kiss 'til she is engaged (or possibly longer) as well. So this is quite an issue... I'm thinking along two very separate lines though:

One, I'd be VERY careful in how you treat her from here on.... having placed such expectations on that kiss, and having it come true with you, you now hold her heart in a way you likely didn't before. Don't say "I love you" until you are sure you mean forever.... and don't talk of marriage or engagement until you do not have any doubts.

Two, I guess as the girl who would have been in her position, I have a hard time understanding why she didn't stop you. I don't know what led up to your kiss, and I certainly won't profess to judge your relationship or your motives... but if it were me, my resolve on this issue is so strong that I would not even want to kiss a guy 'til I have his ring on my finger (and having had several boyfriends and an ex fiance thus far in my life, I feel I have the experience to back me up on this). So yes, I would also say that it was her choice as well as yours, and you should not take this entire burden upon yourself.

And lastly, a somewhat indirect analogy: Being a gymnast, I had very much looked forward to doing flips... the "real" mark of a gymnast, I thought. Well, I trained a few years and was very excited when I was finally learning them and eventually landing them and even doing twisting flips... and ya know what? While they were (and still are!) great fun and a big milestone in my gymnastics life, I can't say they're the be-all and end-all of everything, nor did having done a full-twisting front flip totally change my identity as a person or as a gymnast.

Perhaps the same applies to the girl and her first kiss... it's a natural progression in a successful relationship, and what point she chooses to have it happen may be sooner or later than others' choices.... but I am betting it doesn't turn your world upside down or end it or totally change who you are.

So perhaps part of it could be changing her mental constructs as well (from kissing = BIG DEAL, WAITING to kissing = still very significant, experienced it).

 

[MagicStar723]

Sounds like you are just now understanding that she is in it for the long haul and your not comfy with that. Since you said it should be for her husband it just seems like it is ringing out to me that you feel guilty because you took something meant for "someone else". I don't know it just sounds to me by your wording that you have doubts about how long you two will last.

Those were my first thoughts as well. Have you discussed a future together or thought about it?

 

[bliz]

Did you grab her and kiss her against her will?

Was she protesting and pleading "No, please don't!" as you moved to kiss her?

After the kiss did she slap you and say "How dare you!"

No, I didn't think so.

There were two people there and two people are responsible for the kiss. My ferar would be that she might consider the two of you as intneding to marry. You need to go to a nice, well lit public place and talk about this. Did she change her mind and decide to not wait till engaged to kiss? Did she kiss becasue she felt engaged, albeit, somewhat informally? Or was it just a perfectly, normal, natural kiss?

Have a good conversation.

 

[agapetospaidiske]

Now this may not seem like a big deal BUT, these words she said after we kissed stabbed me so deep in my soul my knees go weak with guilt. My heart runs red with conviction. Now the reason this statement is ripping me apart is that I feel like I have taken away such an innocent part away from her, knowingly, that she should have given this new experience to her husband. I am not married to her neither am I engaged to her. So in a nutshell a lucky guy like me who has kissed her on her first kiss is not so lucky afterall, I feel like I have torn the walls of standards down that she has laid and trampled them hither to.

What is YOUR input on this situation?

I am planning on saving my first kiss (as my fiance is with his) for after we are officially given permission. "You may kiss the bride," but i do understand that things happen and think it is very sweet that you feel guilty, and I'm glad that you treasure her innocence. Be careful in your relationship because you (hopefully) don't want to have any regrets for either of you.
God bless you!

 

[Amanda-Soo]

“I have waited such a long time for this.”

If that's exactly what she said then it sounds to me she was glad it happened.

Why don't you ask her what she meant? Communication is the key to any successful relationship.

 

[MagicStar723]

Why don't you ask her what she meant? Communication is the key to any successful relationship.

Excellent point.

 

[TriptychR]

I wouldn't let the world come crashing down because of it, but I would be careful of how I tread from now on. Make sure both of you know what each other thought by this and come to an understanding of it. I think you'll be just fine.