Need some input/help!

[ObsessedButBlessed]

Hi everyone, I need some advice and partially with OCD, partially not to do with OCD..

Long story short, I am having problems with two friends... one basically made fun of me in front of other coworkers the other day and it really hurt my feelings. The other friend has always struggled in her faith and recently has completely gone off the deep end... trying drugs, sleeping with a lot of men, getting drunk every night... she is 28 and I *think* what is going on is that she is trying to find love and acceptance in other men, and feels let down by God.

The second friend (the wayward friend) has made comments to me like "I'm abandoning Christianity" and "organized religion makes people feel shameful," and "I don't know why I ever believed this stuff in the first place." So it hurts, as a Christian, to hear her say these things, it hurts to see her following this path that I know is going to lead to just emptiness and unhappiness... it hurts with both friends to be on the receiving end of harsh words, even though the second friend has never said anything directly to me about me.

I think my OCD is making this out to be REALLY personal - with both friends - and I keep obsessing over it. One obsession I have is if I have offended people/people are mad at me, and I keep going back over the conversations in my head and feeling immense anxiety because of it. The OCPD part of me is having a tough time accepting that people lead different lives and have different beliefs than me, and that my friend even rejects Christianity. But I get incredibly anxious when people attack Christianity and I don't really know what to do or how to respond... instead I just go home and cry to my understanding husband, and I KEEP OBSESSING OVER IT!

Ugh I don't know if I'm explaining this right. Basically the OCD part is, two friends are rejecting Christianity and it's making me anxious (scruples popping up, too) because I feel like they are attacking ME even though it's not directed at ME; their anger is at God. But Jesus is such a huge part of me life that I can't separate the two. I hope that makes sense.

The non-OCD part is that it really hurts to see my friends do this. I don't know what else to do but pray and pour out my pain to God. Is there anything I should do, OCD or non-OCD wise?

 

[BeccaLynn]

Sad,

I get upset and even angry when people attack Christianity. We know that Christ was verbally attacked as well, yet He loved these people. Remember He said that when we are rebuked for His sake that we should consider it a blessing. I know the words aren't exatctly like that, but they are along those lines. He sees and He knows. He hurts for these people even more than we possibly could. He desires them to know Him even more than we possibly could. I would suggest that you bring them to Him in prayer, as I'm sure you have done, ask Him to help you be an example of Him to them, which you probably have also done, and ask Him to send others into the harvest of their lives at the right time whom they will listen to. Even events that the enemy could use to destroy them, God can use to turn their lives around. It's not that they are really attacking you. They are attacking the One you represent, which in knowing that you are His feels threatening to them. God knows your heart and I pray that you are comforted by Him through this.

Love,
Rebecca

 

[forgiveable]

I am having problems with two friends... one basically made fun of me in front of other coworkers the other day and it really hurt my feelings.
Could it have been just the OCD or do you really feel as though she made fun of you?The other friend has always struggled in her faith and recently has completely gone off the deep end... trying drugs, sleeping with a lot of men, getting drunk every night... she is 28 and I *think* what is going on is that she is trying to find love and acceptance in other men, and feels let down by God.

The second friend (the wayward friend) has made comments to me like "I'm abandoning Christianity" and "organized religion makes people feel shameful," and "I don't know why I ever believed this stuff in the first place." Have you asked her why she thinks that? It could lead to a discussion where you could share how much God loves her So it hurts, as a Christian, to hear her say these things, it hurts to see her following this path that I know is going to lead to just emptiness and unhappiness... it hurts with both friends to be on the receiving end of harsh words, even though the second friend has never said anything directly to me about me.

I think my OCD is making this out to be REALLY personal - with both friends - and I keep obsessing over it. One obsession I have is if I have offended people/people are mad at me, and I keep going back over the conversations in my head and feeling immense anxiety because of it. The OCPD part of me is having a tough time accepting that people lead different lives and have different beliefs than me, and that my friend even rejects Christianity. But I get incredibly anxious when people attack Christianity and I don't really know what to do or how to respond... instead I just go home and cry to my understanding husband, and I KEEP OBSESSING OVER IT! Awww.. I know how you feel!

Ugh I don't know if I'm explaining this right. Basically the OCD part is, two friends are rejecting Christianity and it's making me anxious (scruples popping up, too) because I feel like they are attacking ME even though it's not directed at ME; their anger is at God. But Jesus is such a huge part of me life that I can't separate the two. I hope that makes sense. This would be a good time to be in prayer for both of them that God would use you if an opportunity presents itself

The non-OCD part is that it really hurts to see my friends do this. I don't know what else to do but pray and pour out my pain to God. Is there anything I should do, OCD or non-OCD wise?][/QUOTE] Just pray and hang in there.
My cousin was working with several people who absolutely do not believe in Jesus and would make fun of her at work and make snide remarks to the point where my cousin would come home crying. Every night she would go home and pray for these people in her office. The rudest of the girls kept forgetting her lunch and my cousin would offer to share hers. Months ofthe snide remarks went on and My cousin was determined to offer help and go above and beyond when these girls needed help. Then one day at lunch they began talking about Jesus... and they didn't know how the story went so they asked my cousin and she got to explain to all of them How Jesus died on the cross for their sins.. After that things got better and when a biblical question would come up. Guess who they would seek out? My cousin says it was worth all the hurt just to be able to witness.
I said all of this just to say Hang in there you'll do the right thing. You already are just by praying and it shows your deep love for the Lord just by being concerned for these girls.
~Brandi

 

[ObsessedButBlessed]

Hi Becca and Brandi, thanks sooo much for the advice!

Becca - i'm so glad that you relate about getting angry when someone attacks Christianity... I get SO angry, and being angry turns into being anxious. I never know how to respond to those situations and I just end up feeling horrible emotionally. It was a good reminder of God's immense love and also hurt for us when one of us strays. I prayed a lot for my wayward friend this weekend and finally emailed her this morning. It is HARD - I apologized for the Christian community letting her down, and tried to understand FEELING like God has failed you, but I also mentioned how Christ longs for her, and my prayer is that she feels fully accepted and love with God. I know now all I can do is pray. I struggled a lot this weekend of "Is it God, or is it OCD?" because I just wanted to NOT have to face her and face her rejection of God. I just kept praying about it. Now I've emailed her and am anxious that she will be angry or quit the friendship. I guess it is in God's hands now.

Brandi, thanks so much for sharing that story. As far as my friend/coworker goes, I think I've resolved it in my mind. This friend has asked about God/going to church before and I have shared what I believe and about my church. As I said to my husband this weekend, I know God has me in this friendship for a reason, it's just sooo hard to be disappointed by a friend, and let down, all because of sin. It is just hard for me not to wear my emotions on my sleeve. When someone hurts me, I tend to clam up and it becomes apparent that something is wrong. So I have prayed that God will help me with forgiveness and continue to show His love through me.

 

[Ariel]

Sad, I have felt like that, too, many times. I love the Lord so much. It's hard for me to see others reject Him when He loves them even more than I ever could.

I want to say to you, first, before anything else--you did not cause them to act this way. You are not to blame for their poor choices. This is not your fault.

People make poor choices. You are not to blame for this.

Here is how I've reacted to many of these situations--

A long time ago the Lord showed me that you can respond with kindness. It's not an easy thing to do--but it takes the wind right out of their sails. How can they respond when they know they deserve to be counter-attacked by you, and instead you just show them the love of God in some way? "A gracious woman retains honor," Prov. 11:16. The Lord gave me that verse years ago as a way to interact with someone in my family who has abused me much over the years. I used that verse to change our relationship. I gave her good words, all true of course, but admiring words, kind words. I told her she looked well, admired something she was wearing, asked about her garden (her hobby) and celebrated with her. I even went to her for advice on some things--why not--just because she was unkind to me didn't mean she couldn't help me with something else. At the same time I did not allow her to walk over me anymore. I withdrew quietly, diplomatically when she attacked or started into a topic I could not discuss with her. I saw the victory of this verse, and I still am seeing it. It has all been so much worth it. Today we have a relationship which is characterized much more by mutual respect than abuse.

When Jesus said, "Love you enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you and pray for those who spitefully use you," Luke 6:27-28, He was giving us a powerful key. He knows we've been hurt, He sees what it costs. But when we turn around and are kind to our abusers anyway, then He can act. He hears our prayers. He will intervene.

There is only one exception to this--when someone is physically abusing you, you need to get out of that situation. Even Jesus didn't hang around the Pharisees when He knew they wanted to kill Him. He went out into the wilderness instead.

But overwhelmingly, returning kindness for unkindness, blessing for cursing works. For a blessing you can always use for an enemy see Acts 3:26. This verse says that it is a blessing for God to turn someone away from their sin. What better blessing can there be than for God to turn them away from their sin and turn them to Him instead?

I hope this helps. Like you my soul grieves when someone attacks the Lord. But even then, remember that Jesus saves, we don't. We can pray for them, we can be kind. We can forgive them and bless them. But in the end, give this to Him, Psalm 55:22; 1 Peter 5:7 and trust Him to act. He will.

 

[ObsessedButBlessed]

Hi Ariel, thanks for your post. I agree the best way to respond is in kindness. When my coworker friend was attacking me, all I could really do is smile and stay quiet. Hopefully we can continue to build our friendship and I can continue to share the Word with her.

My other friend the "wayward" one... I heard back from her yesterday and found out a little bit more. Unfortunately her "sordid" past has met some judgement and unacceptance in her young adult group at church and I think she was finally tired of being juded. Of which I can understand. We all have "sordid pasts," as we are not perfect people and never without sin. So I was sad to hear that she had beared the brunt of a lot of hurtful things by people who are supposed to be Christians. I was glad she wasn't angry at the stuff I had said, and that she actually agreed with a lot of it (longing for love and acceptance).

But she did start to justify her actions, saying she felt "shamed" by other Christians for having made lot of mistakes, and that she wanted to experience these things without the "shame." How do I even respond to that, when someone WANTS to do these things?

All I could really say in response was that the only person God wants her to be is the person He created her to be, that he will accept her despite her mistakes, in fact He doesn't even remember them. Well, there was a lot more than that, but that was the jist of it. And that I'm praying for her.

Some of the things she says do spike me but I seem to be taking them in stride. On the plus side, with all of the religious obsessions I've had, i'm amazed that my true desires and true belief in God comes out when pressed up against. I can be anxious and doubt as much as I can stand it at other times, but when pressed for it, I have no anxiety regarding the faithfulness of God and His love for me and my desire to be with Him. Hooray

 

[Ariel]

Amen, Sad, amen--God is faithful, and He does love you so very much.

I've had those struggles as well--wanting to help somebody, even crying on the inside when they would not listen and just did what they wanted. I often wonder how much the Father hurts when we are like that...

The Holy Spirit spoke to me once--yes, to pray, yes to lift it to our Father--but then to let go. We can't carry it, He can. Our place is to take it to Him in prayer--but then we need to leave it with Him.

How I've struggled with this! But I finally see it. I can't lift such a heavy burden. So I lift just a corner, a part, and cry out to my Father to help. He comes and takes the rest. The old timers used to talk about "praying through." I believe that that is what I experience--I pray until I feel that burden lifted. God is so good.

Something else He said to me. Jesus saves, we don't. We can't save them from their bad choices, but He will save them when they cry out to Him. Remember the prodigal son? They may go all the way to the pig sty, but the moment they start home He comes running to them. He clothes them in His beautiful garments, and kills the fatted calf and feeds them. He rejoices. He loves them so much. His heart aches when they are away from Him--He is just waiting--just even a single cry from them will bring them home again--

So I watch, and pray, and lift burdens that are impossibly heavy--and lay them at His feet. He takes them, He is so kind.

And when I see a brother or sister coming back to God--how I rejoice! I weep with joy to see them back with Him again--

 

[ObsessedButBlessed]

Ariel you are SO right. I really needed that reminder. Jesus saves... not me. All I can do is share the Word, pray, be there for my friend when she needs to talk, but in the end, it is Jesus who woos her and calls her to Him. It is not my place to carry her burdens; Jesus did that for all of us when he died for us. I guess I need to pray to God for his help in me letting this go.

It truly is painful - a physical and emotional pain - to see someone reject Christ. And if I hurt this much, how much more He hurts for them and for us. I cannot even begin to comprehend the ache and longing Jesus has for her heart. And how big of a party it will be when they return home!!! In the meantime, I told her I would pray for her safety and that her heart be guarded from pain. In my heart I have a feeling she will come back eventually... at least that is my hope and my prayer. Only God knows.

 

[ObsessedButBlessed]

Well after I thought the conversation was going well, my friend said she didn't want anyone praying for her, and didn't want to be associated with any sort of Christianity whatsoever. So that was that.

I think, Ariel, I'm about to get a really good lesson in "letting it go." My heart is so broken, and I'm really hurt - as a friend and as a Christian. I feel like I need to grieve or something.

On the other hand, I'm getting some good exposure therapy in regards to offending people and them being mad at me. I'm totally anxious and emotional about all of this, but I know I will get through it. I knew I was taking a risk by daring to share God's love with her; I knew deep down I could only take it so far, and that she is stubborn/prideful, so it's not going to be ME that really did anything... only through God's hands.

So, all I am left with is praying. But I still hurt inside.

 

[forgiveable]

Sad,
I think you handled it very well ..
I apologized for the Christian community letting her down, and tried to understand FEELING like God has failed you, but I also mentioned how Christ longs for her, and my prayer is that she feels fully accepted and love with God. I know now all I can do is pray.
All the advice you have received is very helpful too. Just keep praying. You did the right thing. Even if you felt that it was OCD it is compassion and love for someone to want to share the joy of your salvation with others even when you feel like it was rejected.
Your wording was excellent too, by the sounds of it. It is now a matter of her heart and even that can change by God's grace.