I need some advice on a relationship i am starting with a girl. Ive already asked her out for coffee, had a good time etc... Now i believe in what the bible says about courtship and i cant stand the idea of dating. I just want to become friends first, get to know if she is the woman of God that i desire (and let her decide if i am the man of God she desires) and then go from there but i know that might confuse some girls that may not feel the same way about courting or even know how courting works. Most people i know expect you to go out to fancy restaurants, give gifts, and create sexual tension (yes thats advice i have been given over the years). Would it be too forward if i just sat her down and laid everything out? I dont like mindgames and i like to have everything out in the open. What do you guys think i should do?
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Need some advice on a "budding" relationship
- Thread starter heflix
- Start date
whateveristrue
Regular Member
I think you should stay in the friendship stage until you are absolutely sure you want to pursue her. And you need to be sure... no MAYBEs... because if you're not sure, you might end up changing your mind later on... and that might hurt the girl a lot. You don't want to do that.
Pray about it daily. GOD has ways of making it clear to you if this is the one He wants you to pursue. And when He does make it clear... that's when you want to sit down with her and lay it all out.
Pray about it daily. GOD has ways of making it clear to you if this is the one He wants you to pursue. And when He does make it clear... that's when you want to sit down with her and lay it all out.
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There's nothing wrong with being friends and getting to know one eachother better before pursuing an actual relationship, in fact I would highly recommend doing that 
but yeah if you've already established you might be interested in seeing things develop by asking her out - I would suggest sitting down with her and being completely honest about what you'd like to see happen.
but yeah if you've already established you might be interested in seeing things develop by asking her out - I would suggest sitting down with her and being completely honest about what you'd like to see happen.
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Dating (or whatever you want to call it) doesn't have to involve any of those things. Fancy restaurants are over done. It's better to do something an activity you both find fun but that gives you lots of time to talk to each other (e.g. bowling, golf, watersports, picnics, walking etc.). Gifts are a bad idea early on because if she thinks you are trying to buy her affections then she's not going to like it. Sexual tension is obviously unnecessary and unhelpful if you don't plan on sleeping with her. Romantic tension, however, should be maximised. You want a romantic relationship after all right?heflix said:
Not too forward. Just wrong. Like using a tank to knock over a sandcastle. 93% of communication is non-verbal, if you can't let her know that you like her without resorting to just 'laying it down' then your communication skills are lacking.heflix said:
If you want something to happen with this girl then you are going to need to spend some one on one time with her. That's dating as far as I'm concerned. It'll help you become friends and get to know each other. Once you know she's the woman of God you desire and visa versa then you should get married.heflix said:
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Tychicus2
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If I understand what you're saying you've been to coffee with here once?
I agree with those who think going from there to *laying anything down* is moving way to fast communicaton wise.
If you're interested look for opporunities to be around her in what ever setting, visit her church, invite to your church, do fun activities together preferably in groups at first. Then see how things develop, maybe in the course of conversation ask her what she thinks about courtship vs dating? Then listen. She may be thinking along similar lines?
YBIC,
Tychicus
I agree with those who think going from there to *laying anything down* is moving way to fast communicaton wise.
If you're interested look for opporunities to be around her in what ever setting, visit her church, invite to your church, do fun activities together preferably in groups at first. Then see how things develop, maybe in the course of conversation ask her what she thinks about courtship vs dating? Then listen. She may be thinking along similar lines?
YBIC,
Tychicus
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intricatic
...a dinosaur... or something...
This girl's on da ball.little_tigress said:There's nothing wrong with being friends and getting to know one eachother better before pursuing an actual relationship, in fact I would highly recommend doing that
but yeah if you've already established you might be interested in seeing things develop by asking her out - I would suggest sitting down with her and being completely honest about what you'd like to see happen.
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The Bible says nothing about courtship.. hey, it doesn't say anything about dating either. What book are you reading?
On another note.. there is nothing wrong with just being friends. That's great, but it already sounds like you want to pursue her romantically. As you said you don't want to beat around the bush, you would probably be less forward if you said you just wanted to be pals.
On another note.. there is nothing wrong with just being friends. That's great, but it already sounds like you want to pursue her romantically. As you said you don't want to beat around the bush, you would probably be less forward if you said you just wanted to be pals.
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Why don't you ask her out just as a friend, just doing fun things that you both enjoy, not romantic candle lit dinners, then perhaps you'll both get to know each other better and these going out as friends could gradually turn into dates.heflix said:
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joeman1
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Brother I am only going to say one thing. A lot of people have been telling you to pray and that is a great idea. I will caution you on how to pray though. Please please please do not do what I did and pray for a sign. If you want to pray for confirmation thats one thing but do not pray for signs. Beleive me I got into big trouble with that. After that I put a fleece before God about finding the right woman and He did bring it to pass just remember that it may take time just don't look for signs is all I say.
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Does there have to be a certain level of romance before you can call it a date? I'd recommend doing activities you both enjoy first (though ones that give you lots of time to talk), going for dinner has been over done.J20 said:
To me asking her out on a 'date' or 'just as friends' is just the same thing by different names. i.e. spending one on one time with her. Calling it 'just as friends' seems a bit cowardly to me, like you're hiding behind those words to disguise your true intentions. Just ask her out.
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Beauty4Ashes
All that I need, is a song in my heart. . .
I'm in a similar situation except I'm the girl waiting for the guy to make up his mind and and quite a few "non date-dates" down the road. Though I agree with the model of being friends first until you "know," it can still be frusterating if there isn't some sort of ongoing communication regarding the subject that is occuring. I wouldn't "lay it all down" this early on but just be her friend. But communication is super important (I will be eating my words later I'm sure ) I don't really have an answer for you. Ideally it would be great if God could tell both people at the same time "this is it" but it rarely works that way. Things take time and so do people. So yea, what others have said...PRAY!!!!
) I don't really have an answer for you. Ideally it would be great if God could tell both people at the same time "this is it" but it rarely works that way. Things take time and so do people. So yea, what others have said...PRAY!!!!
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