Imblessed said:
LOL you tell your wife I understand completely. It's exactly the same with my kids and my husband. They don't try even half the stuff on him that they do me. And you are right. I tend to give them too many "chances".
There you have it.
(Psst...having an intimidating look doesn't hurt either.
)
Does your wife work? I'm a stay at home mom, and honestly, I think that that makes a difference in the kids attitude. They see me all the time and they know for a fact that my anger does not last, etc...It's sort of the idea "familiararity breed contempt"--I don't think contempt is the right word here, but you get the idea. As for my husband, they don't see him near as much, so they don't really "know" how he'll react to things. I'm sure that's not nearly the whole problem, but maybe explains how they listen to him better a bit.
I understand what you're saying. My wife went back to work about 8 months ago. She had stopped working outside the house right before my youngest son was born. All in all she was a stay at home mom for about 2½ years.
It is true though that he's much quicker to react to them disobeying than I am--half my problem is that since I'm around all the time, if I only give them one chance and then punish, frankly, I feel like I'm being overbearing, and constantly punishing.
Well, I understand that. Truly I do. However, it boils down to whether obedience is important to you, and it sounds like it is. I'm not suggesting that you spank your child simply because they don't respond immediately to your commands. You have learn how to spot "spanking offenses." In all of the reading I've done, one thing I've learned is that the
only time spanking should be employed is to combat willful disobedience, and then only as long as necessary. Now, don't be confused into thinking that willful disobedience is simply outright defiance. It is that but that's not all it is. Willful disobedience is when a child
knows what is expected of them and they opt to either do what they have been told not to do or not do what they've been told to do, regardless of how outwardly defiant they are when they are disobeying. One example of willful disobedience that many wouldn't recognize is when you have gone through the teaching/learning process with your child and taught them how to do the dishes and they are aware and can meet the quality of work expectations you have set and then simply choose to do a poor job. One I run into alot is my children telling me "I forgot" 20 minutes after I tell them to do something. Another thing to remember is that dealing with willful disobedience should be
in conjunction with meeting out the punishment. For instance, in the case of your child who purposely does a poor job on the dishes, their willful rebellion would be addressed with a spanking while their punishment would be to rewash ALL the dishes.
Two of my children were the outright defiance type. Actually, these are much easier to deal with because their disobedience is much easier to spot. My oldest son, however, was much more cunning. His deal was passive rebellion. You'd tell him to do something and he'd say "Yes sir" or "Yes ma'am" and then go do something else. Anyway, the most important thing about spanking is that it is the only proper form of discipline for dealing with willful disobedience in children up to a certain age, normally around 10 or 11, give or take a year.
And by punishing I don't mean just corporal punishment--I mean any kind. Time out, spanking, stern words etc.
LOL! Well, no one said being a good parent was easy.
Seriously though, I totally understand what you're saying. When my daughter was young she was soooooooo defiant. Not so much to me. Primarily to my wife. Well, obviously, I wasn't going to let her continue that. So, when she was willfully defiant, she got spanked. Sometimes that meant no spanking for a few days. Sometimes it meant 5 spankings in one day. Those days were not fun for anyone. Anyway, it's helpful if you have someone to help bear the burden.
I've found that spankings don't do much more than make Calvin more angry at me, so I've backed off those quite a bit, along with the fact that I was having trouble not spanking in anger.
Sounds to me like Calvin needs a spanking for his attitude after the spanking for his attitude, if you know what I mean. Listen, all he's doing is manipulating you by being angry at you. Do you know why he's doing that? Because he can. You see, you know how I would understand a child being angry at me for spanking them? I'd know that they didn't feel that they did anything wrong and that they think they didn't deserve a spanking. Wrong attitude. You know what my son does after I spank him? He hugs me. He understands that he's done something wrong. Seriously, the reason your son gets angry is because he has no clue how to control his emotions and, in my opinion, you need to deal with that problem as well.
I try to limit spankings to when he is doing something dangerous(like running off in a parking lot after I've told him to stay by me), or very diliberately going out of his way to continue disobeying, even after I've tried other forms of discipline. I try to be very specific about what constitutes a spanking. Alas...life is not perfect....
Absolutely true. As you can see above, there is only one reason to spank your child, willful disobedience.
I recognize that I must get him figured out soon.
What's to figure out? Disobeying the authority over him is the natural response of fallen man. As Proverbs says, "Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; The rod of correction will drive it far from him."
It's so funny how 2 boys can be so different. My 5 year old is totally different. I know exactly what makes him tick and how to deal with him. I know what works and what doesn't. The problem is, it "seems" as if Trevor is so much better behaved then Calvin, but in reality it's just that we understand each other better. He doesn't step over the line any more(much). And doesn't seem inclined too either. At school, Trevor is the kid who will do anything to keep his teacher happy. As long as the rules are explained beforehand, and make sense, then he'll never break them. (although they definately have to be explained AND make sense). A few weeks ago he got a sad face at school for fighting with another boy--the boy hit Trevor a couple of time and so Trevor hit him back--he came home mortified that he got a sad face......
Calvin on the other hand, seems to LOVE seeing how far he can go. He'll the type that will put his "whole body" over without actually "stepping over" just to see if he can. He's much more impulsive--more inclined to hit when he's mad, or yell at you--he has no problem telling you he's mad at you, or thinks you are "not being so nice".
Since Calvin is my second, and Trevor was so "easy", I feel completely unprepared to deal with him. Nothing that works on Trevor works on Calvin! It's difficult having to deal with them differently.
LOL! I know EXACTLY what you're talking about. Unfortunately for my youngest son, I got a whole lot of practice on his personality type with his older sister.
You guys are so kind to listen to me go on about this. It's nice get it off my chest. Talking about it like this helps. thanks!
Hey, no problem. Parenting support should be one of the main things we come to this board to get. After all, they don't come with a manual, do they?
Remember, a short break away from the kids before dispensing the punishment does wonders to ensure you are dealing with it in the right frame of mind.
God bless,
Don
Thank you all so much for your prayers. 
