- Nov 9, 2005
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My apologies as this may be long winded. Part of it is to help me sort it out, and part because I really do need prayer on this. (I know this isn't an area of discussion, but if you feel led to, any suggestions or advice are more than welcome).
I'll summarize the prayer request at the bottom of the post.
I graduate from college in 3 days. Classes done. Finals done. All thats left to do is walk. I have one job offer in Chattanooga, which happens to be the part of the country I've wanted to move to for several years. On top of that. I have two more job possibilities here locally - which would be great since I've really grown to be part of my church family. I'm graduating with relatively little debt.
So whats the problem?
The problem is, I don't want any part of that life right now. I don't want to start a career. I don't want a 9-5. I don't want that nice 2 story house with the white picket fence, and 2.5 kids with a Dog. I REALLY wanted that up until recently, and I feel like God just took my hopes and dreams and held them up, and then burned them.
So I'm pretty much direction less right now. I know I don't want a career right now, feeling like that is not what I'm supposed to do. I feel the day-job ministry is a cop out. But have trouble seeing a path as a full time missionary...just...confused.
I have a good friend thats in the same spot. He graduated last fall, and Gods been working in his life alot. He and I and two of his friends all just sorta hit this wall where our dreams were taken away and we're left going "OK God, if You're going to do that, you have to show us what You want us to do.".
So, we got this crazy idea of holing up for about 4 months, kinda separated from civilization, and just seeking God. We have the Bible, we have Christian fellowship, and we have the Spirit. Lets spend a few months and seek God. Honestly, pieces just fell into place for that to happen, and is scheduled for next winter.
That idea formed another. To hit the mission field afterwards for at least an equal amount of time. During that discussion I had to focus a bit more on my classes...but the three of them all individually arrived at Morocco.
And two of them don't intend to come back.
And I'm feeling torn. Part of me wants to go. Part of me doesn't...and...
I need direction. Badly.
I need the Lord to work in my heart
I need the Lord to open and close doors for me.
I need the Lord to lead me where HE wants me to go.
I'll summarize the prayer request at the bottom of the post.
I graduate from college in 3 days. Classes done. Finals done. All thats left to do is walk. I have one job offer in Chattanooga, which happens to be the part of the country I've wanted to move to for several years. On top of that. I have two more job possibilities here locally - which would be great since I've really grown to be part of my church family. I'm graduating with relatively little debt.
So whats the problem?
The problem is, I don't want any part of that life right now. I don't want to start a career. I don't want a 9-5. I don't want that nice 2 story house with the white picket fence, and 2.5 kids with a Dog. I REALLY wanted that up until recently, and I feel like God just took my hopes and dreams and held them up, and then burned them.
So I'm pretty much direction less right now. I know I don't want a career right now, feeling like that is not what I'm supposed to do. I feel the day-job ministry is a cop out. But have trouble seeing a path as a full time missionary...just...confused.
I have a good friend thats in the same spot. He graduated last fall, and Gods been working in his life alot. He and I and two of his friends all just sorta hit this wall where our dreams were taken away and we're left going "OK God, if You're going to do that, you have to show us what You want us to do.".
So, we got this crazy idea of holing up for about 4 months, kinda separated from civilization, and just seeking God. We have the Bible, we have Christian fellowship, and we have the Spirit. Lets spend a few months and seek God. Honestly, pieces just fell into place for that to happen, and is scheduled for next winter.
That idea formed another. To hit the mission field afterwards for at least an equal amount of time. During that discussion I had to focus a bit more on my classes...but the three of them all individually arrived at Morocco.
And two of them don't intend to come back.
And I'm feeling torn. Part of me wants to go. Part of me doesn't...and...
I need direction. Badly.
I need the Lord to work in my heart
I need the Lord to open and close doors for me.
I need the Lord to lead me where HE wants me to go.